Citation: Rick. "Possessed by a Fisher Cat: An Experience with Amitriptyline (exp50303)". Erowid.org. Apr 24, 2007. erowid.org/exp/50303
The dose described in this report is very high, potentially beyond Erowid's 'heavy' range, and could pose serious health risks or result in unwanted, extreme effects. Sometimes extremely high doses reported are errors rather than actual doses used.]
Ok. I will first start this off by saying I take amitriptyline for depression. 150mg a night. Usually it wires me for about 2-3 hours before crashing me into sleep. When I first started taking this medicine I would fall asleep with cigarettes burning in my hand, and still have the blanket with 8-10 burn holes as evidence. Every once in a while when I have no weed but am still looking to get high I take 250-400mg to give me an incredible high before the most extreme drowsiness I have ever known.
About 4 months ago, I fell in love with a friend of 2 years. It led to a relationship that lasted about 3 months. I quit my job because I was working for my father in the basement waterproofing business. I had no life, driving 4 hours to work, working 12 hour shifts, and then driving 4 hours back. Or staying out of state for a whole week. well when I quit my job, we had a low grade fight, and then she did not call for for a whole week. After years of experience with drug overdoses I have become prone to anxiety and paranoia. This whole week was the pits.
The night before she finally called me to end things, I was so disgusted with my life and myself and the fact that the only being that has ever trully understood me, the only being I have ever, felt TRUE love for up to the present, a cat that I had named darkside, and he was my life, had recently been killed by a fischer cat because someone let him outside at night while I was out of state on a job for a week, that I tried to commit suicide.
I have tried several times, with zoloft, paxil, vicodin, percoset, and morphine. All major overdoses, paxil being the worst at 360mg a whack at a recommended dose of 10mg a day. The only thing that happened was a short vomiting stint. Over the years I have come to think of myself as invincible when it comes to drugs. Overdosing on anything I could get my hands on just to see how fucked up I could get. I was always dissapointed. And quite fucked up in the head.
I was downstairs talking to my roomate about 3 hours after I took the 700mg of amitriptyline, when I promptly told her I was going upstairs to hallucinate before falling asleep, as I sometimes get mild hallucinations while overdosing on my meds. I woke up 15 hours later, in a scorching sweat, shaking like a jackhammer, opened my eyes to see my roomate sitting on my bed next to me.
She began to tell me that about an hour after I fell asleep, she heard slamming sounds coming from upstairs so came up to see what it was all about. When she got upstairs, she saw that I had knocked her birdcage over, had my playstation two in my hands, banging it against the sink, yelling that I had to return my window to the muffins. I then picked up my cat and tried to throw him out the back door, which used to be my porch but my landlord thought he would be smart and tore it down and dug a 10 foot deep pit because he was *going to build an addition* a 25 foot drop that one of my cats had recently decided to take a trip out on her own when the door was open for ventilation and broke her jaw.
She then told me that I started knocking my stereo speakers over, I tried to get out while the door was closed, banging my head off of it about 3 or 4 times before she got ahold of me, as the knots on my forehead had evidenced. She then tried to get me to lay down, all the while I was spitting at her and calling her derrogatory names. I ended up somehow with a cigarette butt in my mouth, and an unknown type of fluid all over my shirt. I was gnawing at myself, and started talking jibberish, about how I had to go pick her and my friend trish up. I walked into some more walls, and throwing pill bottles around. She then tried to get me to lay down on my bed, which I proceeded to fall off of a few times, and she had to scream at me to get me to lay still and go to bed.
I was quite stunned, embarrassed, and quite thoroughly disgusted with myself because I have no physical or mental recollection of doing any of this, except for the fleeting images you have from a dream you cant quite keep ahold of when you wake up. Thankfully I had told her recently that if I ever OD'ed, to not call the paramedics because I had no health care insurance and no job to pay for the massive hospital and psychiatrist bills that would result. I felt that I had been possessed that night by the soul of that fischer cat, a purely evil animal that I will destroy in cold blood if I ever see one. And that is saying alot, because I am Wiccan and I do not believe in harming anyone. Unless it is myself in a depressive chasm.
I took a 3 month hiatus from my meds to clear my mind and system, have since totally rennovated my life, making major changes, and restarted taking my meds at the dose I am supposed too. I have gotten a job at a creamery, and have quit all drugs, weed, opiates, and alcohol. I'm a total straight-edge now except for the anti-depressants I'm prescribed. And have found true hapiness in hard work and sobriety. I have also begun intensive self-therapy to hash out the multitude of psychological problems that I know I have that my decade of drug abuse has led to.
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