Citation: Mud. "Drag It: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (10x extract) (exp51367)". Erowid.org. Nov 6, 2007. erowid.org/exp/51367
I have spent many many hours recalling the events of this experience. Two years on & Iím still affected. I'm 37 yrs old, & experienced with most kinds of drugs, which is why I was not prepared for what occurred. I had no understanding of the power of salvia, I thought it might be 'fun'. It wasn't. But it was awesome, like birth/death is awesome.
I have never been more terrified. Some years ago I had a spinal operation, which plagues me to this day, pain etc, & this seemed to set the tone for the experience.
My friend passed me the pipe & I inhaled a good two lung fulls, & held it in. As I exhaled, the universe dissolved. Something seemed to physically grab me & tear me apart. I was utterly unaware that I had just smoked a pipe, & was convinced something was terribly wrong with Saturday afternoon. Had I become ill? My immediate thought was that something had gone wrong in my spine (re. the operation ten years ago) & this was death. It was an extremely violent & physical feeling. In fact it hurt. I believed I was dying. I remember saying 'No, not yet, I want to say goodbye to my parents.'
I felt I was being peeled away like a sticker, & placed into some bizarre dimention. It was a battle. I looked through the chaos to my friend, & saw him being sucked away as if made of iron fileings being pulled by a magnet. He disappeared into the surroundings, which were moving & swirling as if being stirred in a bowl of porridge. For some reason he smiled at me and said 'goodbye...' He knew what was happening to me. Freaked me out. Some sitter.
Suddenly I perceived my parents (they were in fact 30 miles away, at their house) appearing above me in a 'rip' or tear in what can only be called space fabric. The rip in space seemed to be in the ceiling above me, but was actually in space above me somehow, a gash. All the while, gravity seemed to have changed & was pulling & stretching my skull. It felt like my soul was in a tug of war contest, being wrenched from my body. My 'imagined' parents were looking down at me from the rip, & I noticed hospital surroundings around them & in the rip. I then noticed a doctor with my parents, looking worried at me.
The world around me had dissolved into bristling fibres of energy, all being 'magnetized' & rushing away into infinity. Where the walls of my room met the ceiling, it appeared to be burning & curling away, like over-exposed film at the cinema.
I heard my parents yell 'Come on B., for god's sake wake up. Please come back this time.' I was saying (I think out loud) 'How? I don't know how to do it. How do I get there? What do I do? Please help me, what's happening?' I heard the 'doctor' say 'He's slipping away again.' I saw & heard my parents panic 'Come on B, please wake up.' They were desperate to drag me away to this new, more real, dimension, were it felt I somehow really belonged. But I could not get there. I was saying 'Ok, show me how, I'll come, no-one told me how.' It was terrifying.
It became apparent to me that my whole life had been a dream, or that I was in a coma. The 'doctor' had been influencing my coma-dreams with medicines, & had constructed the entire universe & all I thought I knew, in an effort to bring me to this point, where by waking me & pulling me out of my 35 year coma. Each time I managed to think about something I knew, such as 'Where is my friend?' or 'Look at the t.v.', my imagined parents would yell 'What is friend? What is t.v? We have to shake him out of this delusion, pull him out of this fabrication.' I heard the doctor explaining that these 'friends' & 't.v' were phenomena of the coma designed to hold me in place & prevent me waking.
This was only occurring for a few very intense seconds, but seemed to last hours. I fought desperately to place myself into the dragging effect which seemed to be pulling me into the rip, but could not (obviously) reach my parents. I was panicking 'How do I get there?' I was trying to be born. I thought I was dying.
I fought against twisting, stretching, pulling, weird gravity to try to stand & escape the room. The t.v was on. The character from a sit-com said 'Don't go B.', then the universe seemed to speak to me. In a deep, rich, booming voice. Everything seemed to speak to me. I heard the words: 'You are B. You have always been B. You will always be B. You are the universe. The universe is you.' I remember being in total fear. 'NO' I shouted.
I can't describe it. Other things seemed to say my name, & link it somehow with time & space. Something told me I AM the 1970's & that it still is the 1970's, but that I am time. I was linked to time & had to make some sort of cosmic connection to end this terror. They were so abstract, strange feelings. I recall feeling that I had been put in orbit, with no choices of direction, no personality, no ego, no me. Powerless & utterly confused, I might as well have been a new born baby.
I felt as if strands of energy glued my body to time. Pushing & pulling. Stretching, twisting. I thought, or was told, 'This is it, this is what the last 35 years have been leading to.' I felt I was being taken. Wrenched. A feeling that a huge cosmic prank had been played, & I was the punchline. It was now the time to pluck me from my comfortable, easy dimension, & reveal the true nature of things.
I was full of terror. I didn't know how or why this was happening, only that it was absolute reality. Somehow more real than consensus reality. I was being folded into this other realm, a place of rushing, vibrating energy streams. Of terrific violence. I was pulled through energy. Dense, bristling fibres stretching & wrenching my face, head, body, mind, soul.
Somehow I struggled to my feet. My imaginary parents had vanished & I decided I needed to find help outside the room. I found myself stumbling through the doorway, & attempting to walk down the stairs. As I left the room, I found that the room & all its contents had attached itself to my body. Each millimeter I would move would distort some other part of my surroundings, & I tried to fix the distortion by moving back, but this would only cause more problems. I felt my existence was destroying the fabric of space/time for eternity.
With great physical effort I left the room, feeling as though I was dragging the entire room with me, attached to my body, stretching like bungy cords. I was the room.
On the way down-stairs I became a 2 dimensional projection upon the wall, or within the wall, and moved slowly down-stairs, dragging my surroundings with me attached to my body. Everything I observed immediately seemed to become fused with my body, until I was convinced the whole universe was being stretched & distorted irreparably by my movements.
In order to reach the front door, I had to wrap large bands of stretched-stuck-on-energy stuff round the corners of the walls, giving me some slack from the dragging, bungy-cord effect of everything joined onto me. I realised that even if I found help, it would be futile, as I would just merge with them. I remember thinking that I would totally destroy a hospital if I attempted to seek medical help. I was still unaware that I had smoked anything. This shit was reality to me.
My body seemed to stretch from the bedroom as if I were still stuck in there, down the stairs, to the front door. I was dragging forward, whilst my surroundings were dragging me backwards, joined to me like elastic. The world outside the front door was receeding rapidly, pulling me physically with it. Rushing away to nothingness, like an iron-fileing-magnetic landscape. I was merging with my surroundings.
The further I moved, the more everything joined onto me & came with me, dragging me back, whilst I, terrified, dragged the house, garden, everything behind me. It was hard work. How could I escape? If I found help it would simply become part of this stretched world I was dragging around & joining onto. I felt I was in 2 dimensional space, as if trying to escape from a photograph, but was inextricably linked & glued to my surroundings. I WAS my surroundings. There was a physical, powerful & painful pull to my left side, as if gravity had been moved 90 degrees & increased ten fold.
I felt there was no hope. I had tried giving into it, to be taken to another dimension, but I was simply destroying the universe in my confusion. I don't know how, but I found myself in a bar across the road. I was bare-foot, it was raining. I was looking for help. I wasn't sure if humans were real, but felt I had to try get help.
Everyone in the bar had the faces of people I knew back in the 1970's, & no-one seemed to pay me any attention. By now the 'dragging/merging' chaos had calmed down, I became aware that I had taken a drug. The tugging on my body became less, & my surroundings ceased joining onto my body, but I was still very confused. I was outside the bar now, standing in the rain in the middle of the road. I did not recognize cars. I was lucky to not have been hit.
A girl I knew, (S.), came out of the bar to help me. It took me a few seconds for me to believe she was real. I remember slurring & salivating,
'Are you S.? You're the real S. aren't you?'
I told her something had gone very wrong. I begged her to help me.
At that point I saw my friend, who had given me the Salvia, come out of the house. He looked very odd, bent over, grinning insanely (he was tripping too). I snarled at him 'You stay the hell away from me. I'll kill you.' which shocked me. I felt very strange & confused. I told S. (god bless her) that my friend was the devil. I was convinced he had given me something to act as a catalyst to destroy the universe. I immediately regretted my outburst. I was coming down now, & was in shock & disbelief. I was no longer fighting for my life, I sort of recognised the world, but felt I had not seen it for ages, & was not convinced.
We were all back in the house now, S. holding my hand saying 'You'll be ok in a minute.'
'No I wonít. What happened?' I said
'You smoked salvia.' said S.
As soon as she said that I knew everything was ok, I was just tripping. Now I understood, I was just out of it! Soon I was back down almost as quickly as I went up. I couldn't believe it...10 minutes had seemed like eternity. I started apologizing, though I don't know why. I said 'Is that what happened? I smoked salvia?'
Ten minutes of total fear, panic, confusion, terror. It felt so real. So physical. A pulling, stretching of my body through membranes of bristling energy. Absolutely convinced that reality was being sucked away. 'This is it. You're dying. It's all been a lie. You're being born.'
After the experience, I felt alive again. Despite the abject terror, I felt re-born! I was so glad to still be in a solid world, & not insane. I was so glad to be alive. Since then I have gladly regarded life differently. We are given a gift. Importantly, I had no sitter, or at least no sober sitter. My friend was drunk, & had a hit of salvia immediately after me. Also, I was in pain & a bad mood, quite ridiculous really!
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