Citation: Samanthe. "The Arc of Pleasure, Archetypes & Flatness: An Experience with MDMA & 2C-B (exp51415)". Erowid.org. Mar 13, 2006. erowid.org/exp/51415
| T+ 3:00
I had brought MDMA and 2C-B on a trip to a small town in the U.S. Southwest, where I had gone to visit my lover in his work-in-progress home. We had decided to take MDMA and possibly 2C-B during the day.
Our relationship (known each other 4 years; he's older than me) is complex and we spent the morning having an across-the-board discussion about ourselves, 'us' [as much as I really wanted to avoid talking about 'us' on this trip to see him], our power dynamics, etc. Communication was fluid, at times emotional, and we both came away satisfied with it, and ready for the relaxation we saw possible from daytripping and going for a walk. My personal theme for the day was 'just hang out with the energies.' The day before the trip we were really out of synch, but we didn't take the MDMA to 'fix' this or anything, we just wanted to have fun.
We hadn't eaten since the night before when we took our MDMA capsules at 2:30 in the afternoon [he took 123 mg and weighs about 195 lbs], before bathing or packing for the walk. We also took an Emergen-C and magnesium.
20-30 minutes into it, as I packed, I realized I could end up flopping around ineffectually before even leaving the house if I didn't muster up my powers of concentration and get all my gear together in time: lip balm, sunglasses, water, gum, 2C-B, good shoes, warm enough clothes. We achieved lift-off, wandering down the hill into town, with smiles on our faces.
T+0:45 - I am wondering 'did I dress warmly enough?' It's time enough to return to the house but I just can't bear backtracking at this point. I decide to just go for it and trust that it will be fine. I have a tendency to overplan and the whole point of trips like this is 'just let go', get beyond the need to be 'on' all the time, poised and perfect. Loosen up, have fun. We feel alerts but are wondering if/when it will kick in. It's coming on really gently. In retrospect it was kind of gentle for a comparable dose of other known material. But perfect. I needed to go to the bathroom, which usually happens for me between T+0:45 and T+1:20 and heralds the take-off of effects. Also not unusually for this phase, we were perspiring a lot.
My lover is being really friendly to passerby (good thing we are wearing sunglasses). I'd characterize this portion of the trip as PURE FUN AND RELAXATION in a grown-up, we're sightseeing-around-town so don't-look-too-high kind of way. To the people he knows, Tater (I'll call him Tater) just grins 'we've got a buzz on'. I feel like the guardian of our keep-walking trajectory, reminding Tater not to let us get vortexed into others' energies, to keep this trip our own (this is probably not something to be concerned about, but we're in public so I am a little on guard). We are pretty quiet as we amble along, but have a regular give-and-take of observations about the morning's conversation, teasing each other and ourselves about our idiosyncracies, basically. It is so healing to do this, to not take ourselves and our stories too seriously.
T3:00 - It's been a lovely afternoon; we get home, and it seems natural to extend the fun by adding 2C-B. Tater can tolerate hefty doses and it doesn't faze him; I'm a cheap date when it comes to this drug. I take 8mg, he takes 30mg. I'm cold so I get under the covers. I feel really really lazy and relaxed, like a benzodiazepine sensation without the sleepiness. I get some music on and then can't be peeled from the bed, except to go pee.
The next five hours before we drift off to sleep are all a blur. I felt no transition from the MDMA to the 2C-B -- I just maintained the same level of lazy-relaxed the whole time. It was Tater who was the star of the show.
Tater ended up basically channelling an alpha monkey/dog archetype that would have possibly frightened me under different circumstances. We talked very little during this time; he would say some cryptic or evocative sentence ('you are the star of my dream', which is VERY uncharacteristic; or 'I can take all your sadness' I think in the sense of 'I can handle it', I don't really know; or 'I know you have as much of this or more in you!' when referring to the primal/aggressive energy he was exhibiting) and I might mutter a word or two but essentially our communication was non-verbal. And there was a LOT of it -- we were passing back and forth a lot of energy, and we aren't even inclined to do that sort of thing normally. We are usually intellectual with each other and don't have just purely emotional interactions, don't normally gaze into each others' eyes or stuff like that. But for 5 hours we were right there with each other, actually hoping the other didn't want to talk, and bring us out of the magic space we were in. It was beyond the biographical and into the realm of archetypes.
Highlights of this phase were:
1) Tater's monkeydog thing he tapped into. I was lying on my back and he was sitting over me, hands by my shoulders, staring into my face, or beyond my face, for a long time. His whole body would begin to shake, his face would bulge out, and his gaze was INTENSE. His teeth would end up chattering. I asked him about it later, and he said it was like a surge of energy that began at his sacrum and would well up over his head, or sometimes begin in his chest. At several points he let out an inarticulate yell-roar thing (which he later said offered a sense of release or relief). It was pure primal animalness, and I was so relaxed I just watched and witnessed nonjudgmentally whatever he was experiencing, not even thinking of interfering or gleaning meaning from it. It occurred to me that I had no idea if he was going to loose control and do something truly weird, but I just went with it.
At one point he asked me to hit him, and I just couldn't muster up the same primalness he was experiencing (maybe another time!). I remained serene. He insisted on going down on me, which seemed to pacify him, but it wasn't about us 'having sex' or 'making love', it was something about the Animus and Anima [male/female] archetypes working itself out between us. This monkeydog thing he has inside him is something he's alluded to before but it was the first I'd seen of it in such a raw state.
2) The past-life-or-something he tapped into. This was truly strange. He got this look of pure astonishment in his face and slowly said 'I'm a Nazi!' and then 'you were there!' Later he explained that he felt like he was in someone else's body (a Nazi), and was hallucinating a different room/setting (even looking down at his own arms, they looked different), and I was a young woman (probably German) he was being sexual with. As intense as this was, I took this in as unemotionally as the monkeydog thing. It was like watching a strange play happening in the bed with me. More archetypal stuff, it was just flowing through him as I continued to Witness. Meanwhile, I was thinking to myself 'I got the dose right for both of us this time around.'
3) The Healer he tapped into. For a long time, Tater held me, and pushed on parts of my body where I hold tension -- he just intuited where things were tense, and moved them around gently, and it caused me to experience the map of tensions, from my shoulder and neck, where lines of tension connected to my hip and groin. He would look into my face, and kiss it, and hold me, and stroke me, and just love me without words, very tenderly. Again this show of emotion was not typical for him, and it felt archetypally real. A huge amount of communication was occurring between our energy fields, like downloads of information. Later when we were sober, he told me that he could feel where the tension was, and respond to it, and that he felt my feminine energy very strongly and it was soothing and grounding to him. During all this time he smelled more strongly than normal, more primal, but it was very pleasant.
I couldn't follow him into all this, but since I sometimes feel as if I give too much of myself away, it felt like it was balancing to be getting so much attention from him. Which leads to...
4) The Nurturer. Tater kept making sure I had enough water to drink, and when it felt like the evening was wrapping up for us, and I was getting hungry, he jumped up and fixed us tea and a snack. It felt great. I finally got up and turned the music off, and we drifted into sleep.
On a parallel track:
5) The word 'Rishikesh' kept looping through my head, endlessly, for the first half of the experience [or, for some amount of time that felt really long]. Our friend had told us the night before about Rishikesh and how we should go there and cleanse and do yoga [not things Tater would normally do], and for some reason that word popped to the top of the pile of my subconscious and poked its head in. I have no idea why, nor do I want to seriously speculate on some cosmic significance, but it was poetic. And really annoying.
6) The Red Queen. I wasn't really having any visuals throughout this trip, except in my mind's eye I was seeing this large red room with walls covered in red faceted jewels, and a woman in red with long black hair, looking regal and serene. I felt like I was connecting with this unknown-to-me archetype.
I have no idea what parts of that night will 'stick' but, it allowed me to just 'hang out with the energies' and watch and not be attached, which was my intention. Tater and I got closer through this experience. We have both been through upheavals in the last month [i.e. death of people close to us] so it was really good to just get out of our heads and splash around in the archetype pool with nothing to 'work out', and have some fun and see what there was to see.
The combo of MDMA and 2C-B is something I'd tried several times before and discarded, but I think it's worth keeping in the toolkit after all. In the past I've done the MDMA early evening and then the 2C-B in the middle of the night, which ends up being too exhausting, tweaked out, and really dissociated. My memory was affected (there may be salient details missing from this report) but the evening ended on a good note. The difference this time was the timing; we were asleep by 11:30, which was perfect.
Days 1-6 after:
The next day was uneventful, no unusual exhaustion beyond a typical day-after lethargy. Our brains were kind of flat. The flatness got more obvious once I got back to work on Tuesday afternoon. Wednesday and Thursday our minds were blank. I have not actually been depressed, but I've been introspective and doing a constant life-review in my head. No optimism, just a bit of fatalism and a realization that it's not a good time to try to figure stuff out in relationships, work life, or home life. In my experience this goes with the territory of doing MDMA and I'm not surprised it's happening, it's just good I'm aware of it so I don't get alarmed. And I've had trouble motivating to do stuff. I did google 'the Red Queen' but haven't come up with much. While I've been writing this I had a bout of anxiety that took me off guard, but otherwise I know that will pass, and I'm generally in good spirits and sleeping well.
Overall an excellent trip.
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