Citation: Bethany. "Have I Become Addicted?: An Experience with Amphetamines (Adderall) (exp52584)". Erowid.org. Dec 29, 2021. erowid.org/exp/52584
I want to take a moment to share my recent experiences with Adderall and seek any possible advice that I can find.
A bit of history...I am a professional young woman but have struggled with an eating disorder for many years. My first run-in with Adderall came by complete accident several years ago. After a long and stressful week at work, I was complaining of how exhausted I was, when a young employee of mine offered me an Adderall. At the time I had no idea what Adderall was, or what severe side effects it would have on me, but I soon found out. Happy to have any type of relief from my overbooked and over-worked schedule, I enthusiastically accepted the medicine and gave it little thought. I very infrequently use any drugs and am more likely to be the girl who just watches from a far when any of my friends use drugs. However, after the very first time I used Adderall, I realized that I had found a drug for me.
After my first time using Adderall, I bought several pills and used them pretty infrequently. When I ran out, I was done. I had long since had to fire the employee that originally introduced me to Adderall, so my connection was gone.
Fast forward 18 months....after my first run in with Adderall, I had many changes in my life. I accepted a promotion and moved to Chicago, fell in love, got engaged and began planning my wedding. However, several months before my wedding, my fiancÚ got cold feet and called it off. I was suddenly all alone in the big city and found myself incredibly depressed. I had struggled for years with an eating disorder, and after my wedding was called off, it reared its ugly head again. That is when I fell into Adderall the second time, and now; I fear that I am addicted.
During a fairly blah day at work, one of my young employees mentioned to me that she had recently been diagnosed with ADD and was prescribed Adderall. She mentioned her severe lack of appetite and swift weight loss. Well, that was all it took. Within a matter of days, I made an appointment with a new doctor, and conned my way into my very own Adderall prescription. I gave a convincing story, made up my symptoms, and next thing I knew, I had Adderall at my fingertips at all times.
It has now been over a year that I have been taking Adderall on an almost daily basis. I started with a prescription for 20mg but quickly faked my way up to 30mg. But of course, it did not end there. On occasion I have found myself taking up to 90mg of Adderall a day. I quickly lost a lot of weight and my friends and family became very concerned. However, having just had my wedding called off, it was very easy to play off as depression.
When I take Adderall, I am so productive. It is as if this drug makes me a better person. I am more talkative, elated and incredibly productive. Not to mention that I can go days without eating. However, if ever I begin to crash, it is an absolute nightmare. I suddenly find myself wondering who I really am and who this person is that I have become. Without the Adderall, will I become sub par or unacceptable? I am afraid that my true personality is long lost and all that I am and have become is due to the Adderall. I am terribly afraid that I am addicted, but even more afraid to stop using. I am lost and torn. On one side I am a productive and accomplished business woman, but on the darker side, I am worried that I have become a drug addict. I now take prescription sleeping pills every night in order to find any rest. My life seems to have turned into a constant cycle of uppers and downers.
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