Hand-Crafted Glass Molecules!
Donate $100+ and get an art glass molecule.
(Pick caffeine, DMT, dopamine, ethanol, harmine, MDMA,
mescaline, serotonin, tryptamine, nitrous, THC, or psilocybin)
Cycles of Illusion
Cocaine & Crack
by Jade
Citation:   Jade. "Cycles of Illusion: An Experience with Cocaine & Crack (exp52836)". Erowid.org. Jan 15, 2019. erowid.org/exp/52836

  repeated insufflated Cocaine (powder / crystals)
    repeated smoked Crack (freebase)


My experience with cocaine began like most other experiences. I was intrigued by what had continually been described to me as a euphoric, rushy, and glamorous way to get high. In high school, I had engaged in regular marijuana use, as well as done some of the psychedelics like acid and shrooms. I had always felt I should stay away from the 'harder' drugs like cocaine and heroin, but I had just entered college and their increasing popularity in my circles of friends made me bolder and more willing to try. I did my homework before partaking. I fully knew of the risks in addiction going into it. I told myself I had extreme self-control and that I would be strong enough to keep it in check. I made plans to buy one gram with a friend.

The first couple of lines were beautiful. In my days of marijuana and psychedelic usage, I had never really understood what was so attractive about those drugs. They didn't especially appeal to me. After snorting coke, I suddenly knew what the 'big deal' was. It was everything I had been seeking in a drug experience. I felt intense euphoria and a mental and physical rush like never before. My thoughts were focused and my inhibitions were gone. I was social on a level I never had been and much more confident. Needless to say, we finished that gram quickly. I immediately wanted more, but fought the urge to get some, recognizing the habit that I was already forming.

But I eventually did get some more, justifying that it had been awhile and that I had the money to spend. The next few months were marked by continual cocaine usage. I began spending more and more money on it, justifying and rationalizing all of my actions. As time went on, it started becoming more of a need, a desperation than it was simply recreational fun. But getting more cocaine was always the perfect solution to feelings of depression. When I felt like I was getting out of control, I would stop using for awhile and feel better about the fact that I could do it. I wasn't really addicted, I told myself.

About six months into my usage, I began dating someone who occasionally smoked crack. I had never tried it, scared of the highly addictive quality I had heard that it had. But I had been using cocaine and keeping it relatively under control, so I agreed to do it with him. He divided the amount he bought into two piles, amounting to about 10 'hits' each. I expected that smoking cocaine would be comparable to snorting it, so I thought I knew what I was in for.

I didn't know. Instantly after that first hit, I was high like I never had been before. Before even exhaling, it hit me with full force. It took my breath away- the best rush I had ever experienced. I was speechless for about five minutes. But then, I wanted more. Immediately. And I immediately did not like this feeling of intense craving. I went through my hits and was spiraling into heights I had never before gone. The craving to get more was too strong. It was too difficult. In the next week, I went through about $1000 buying crack cocaine. All I wanted was that next hit.
The craving to get more was too strong. It was too difficult. In the next week, I went through about $1000 buying crack cocaine. All I wanted was that next hit.
At the end of this intensely scary journey, I was broke and faced with the prospect of coming down.

Coming down was the worst experience of my life. Not only did I have to conquer the physical effects of the come down- I was jittery, paranoid, unable to sleep, and very depressed- but I had immense guilt over what I had done. I could not believe I had let this drug have so much control over me. I was disgusted with myself.

I will never again smoke crack. Since that experience, I have moved to another city to pursue my education. The psychological power of crack is so strong, that I still have intense cravings for the drug simply by driving back home and seeing familiar places. With powder cocaine, I still had a certain level of control. I never would have taken a week out of life to blow $1000 and fall into the deepness of depression and addiction over powder. Crack instantly had power over me and I wasn't strong enough to fight it. I remember before I tried crack, I would hear stories about people who were so hooked that they would spend hours with flashlights on the floor, searching for pieces of rock they may have dropped. I felt sorry for those people, but after trying crack once, I had become one of them.

Ultimately, I am glad I have had this experience. It opened my eyes to the power of substance abuse. The high is so intense, but it only lasts for a few minutes and the come down can be shockingly harsh and painful. In the end, it is so not worth it. It can fuck with judgement and make a person crazy- literally. It can make someone do things they never thought they were capable of. I learned my lesson the hard way. I wish I had avoided cocaine altogether. If I can help one person who reads this decide not to do it, my experience will result in some good in the world.

Exp Year: 2006ExpID: 52836
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Jan 15, 2019Views: 3,486
[ View as PDF (for printing) ] [ View as LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Switch Colors ]
Crack (82), Cocaine (13) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Addiction & Habituation (10), Not Applicable (38)

COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid.
TERMS OF USE: By accessing this page, you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving written permission prior to your downloading the data.

Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.

Experience Vaults Index Full List of Substances Search Submit Report User Settings About Main Psychoactive Vaults