DOSE:

repeated

insufflated

Cocaine

(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

125 lb

This is my account of how coke starts out to be a really great drug but becomes a fucking demon.

The first time I ever thought of taking coke was for a really stupid reason: I wanted to lose weight. I had heard of all the supermodels snorting it to stay thin and give them energy so I thought why not. Up until then I was a sheltered girl with almost no contact with drugs except marijuana. I had no idea of the effects of coke besides the lack of appetite.

One of my friends, 'L' had told me recently that her other friend, 'G' had tried coke so that's where I got my connection. G called up her dealer and we drove into the city to pick it up. As we waited in my car, a grimy dude came in, took money, gave us our stuff, and left. We were really excited to do it so instead of doing lines we just sniffed it out of the end of a Parliament cigarette because at the end there is a little pocket on the filter side. ( I don't know how much of a gram would fit in a parlie, but I'm thinking about 2.5 moderate sized lines) I did two and after a minute or two I started getting really excited and happy and was breathing like I had just run a marathon. We all started talking like crazy about how much we loved coke and wanted to do it for the rest of our lives and just how amazing we thought it was.

[Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
I definitely took a little too much for my first time because my body started getting really numb and tense. My hands cramped into a weird position where the tips of my fingers were touching on each separate hand and it looked like I had lobster hands. My leg also started cramping up (which was not good because I was driving). Besides that, it was definitely one of the best feelings in the whole world. I had motivation to go out and do everything I ever wanted in the world and I felt like everyone in the world was worth talking to and getting to know. I'm usually a bad drive but on coke I was confident and I knew I could do anything I wanted.

The thing is, it started out as a weekend thing where I would stash it somewhere in my room and not think about it all week until the weekend. Then I started to think that if I took a little in the morning before school I'd be awake and not dread going and sitting in boring fucking classes. Then it progressed from doing bumps before school to leaving class to do lines in the bathroom. School was definitely a lot more fun and I thought to myself that 'I could stop anytime I want, I just don't want to'-- Ah, the classic addict line. Why would I want to stop though? It was fun and gave me energy and motivation.

Then I started getting really bad comedowns where I would go from being high and excited and energized to a comedown in which I wanted to fall into a black hole and never get out.

Then one day I had snorted my last line and looked at the bag and realized there was no more left. I flipped a shit. I started having insane ideas like that I HAD to get some more or I'd die. I wanted to call G who I dont even like to come with me to get some more. I was panicking and got really depressed for a moment. My head cleared eventually and I realized that I was almost addicted to coke, if not already.

I also realized how fucking EVIL coke is. It made me think I was in total control and pulled the rug under my feet faster than the high lasts. It doesn't even let me think about whether I might be addicted or not. It just sucked me in.

The thing with me is I'm very narcissistic and off drugs I am totaly absorbed into myself and don't need anything to make me feel better and 99 % of the time I am in a really good mood, naturally. I realized that, yeah, coke did make me in an even better mood, but the fucking comedowns just kill everything. The comedowns were the worst I ever felt in my life. I have never been depressed or even stressed. I started to understand how depressed people felt. Since I have a very unaddictive personality, realizing how evil that white shit is just turned me off. Very rare, I know. I just stopped using it, like that.

I still do coke occasionally because I live in a boring suburb but don't think about it at all otherwise. The high doesn't even feel as good anymore. It's more just nervous energy now. It's gotten boring. Now that I know what it feels like to depend on something and feel trapped, I will never put myself in that position again. Yeah sure, even looking at the white shit gets me excited, but now I can look without touching.

Exp Year: 2006	ExpID: 52855
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jan 22, 2020	Views: 1,287
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Cocaine (13) : First Times (2), Addiction & Habituation (10), Not Applicable (38)