Citation: Amphuckedup. "Ruined College: An Experience with Amphetamines (Adderall) (exp53643)". Erowid.org. Oct 30, 2008. erowid.org/exp/53643
I am writing this to college students who take or are thinking of taking adderol. I know that there are a lot of you, I was one of you. I hope that my story will show you the dark side of adderol use.
I was a typical high school student with respect to drugs, even a little slow maybe. I started drinking on occasion when I was about 15, and I started smoking weed about 2 years later. Everything was fine, I really enjoyed drinking and especially smoking weed. Then, I left for college.
Iím no dummy, in fact I like to believe that I am pretty smart. My senior year of high school I was accepted at Vanderbilt University and subsequently decided to enroll there. It was here that my love affair with adderol began. I arrived at Vanderbilt a wide-eyed eighteen year old fool eager to assume the role of a try-anything-once college student. For the first few weeks, however, I stuck to what I was familiar with, that is, smoking weed and drinking. I was able to engage in these activities as I always had, though I had way too much to drink on several occasions. Also of note, for the first few weeks of school I attended class very irregularly, preferring instead to binge drink nearly every night of the week. This created the situation that allowed adderol to creep into my life.
About a month into school I realized that I was way behind in all my classes, some of which I had not attended at all. I decided to relate my situation to several of my stoner friends, many of whom I suspected were in similar situations. It was during this discussion that I first heard of and saw adderol. Well, actually I had heard people talking about it before, but I was never really interested, until now. It turned out that one of my friends, call him Will, had a prescription for 120 mgs of adderol daily that he didnít take. He told me that the stuff would help me study, and studying was precisely what I needed to do, so when he offered me some pills I took them.
Will instructed me to take the adderol after a meal, then go straight to the library and begin working on whatever assignment I needed to do. I did this, taking one 30 mg tablet after dinner, and afterwards went to Vandyís Central Library to study. About 30 minutes after sitting down with a text book, I started to feel really good. I mean, really fucking good. I actually remember this quite fondly. I just remember being so happy, and so focused, and so powerful, all at once. I had never experienced a euphoria like this before, and I was instantly hooked. I sat in that library for 4 hours researching a paper on the Kennedy Tapes, but it felt like a matter of minutes. Afterwards, I went straight to Will and arranged to procure his entire unused prescription, something like 100 30s a month or something ridiculous, and it began.
At first, the adderol really was helpful. I was as productive as I have ever been in my life, and I quickly remedied my situation in my classes, partially due to the fact that teachers are understanding of first years fucking up. I was taking only 1 pill at a time at this point, and allowing the effects to wear off naturally. I wasnít staying up all night, and I wasnít going on binges. I really thought adderol was a wonder drug, like it was the answer to all my problems, to my existence. I was doing so much work, high quality work, I was talkative with friends and strangers, funny, everything. Sadly, this didnít last.
I guess my problems started about a month after I met adderol. I started to notice that the effects of the adderol were less pronounced and didnít last as long. Remember, at this point I was still only taking 30 mgs at a time, and only taking 1 pill per sitting. So, I began taking higher doses, or more commonly re-dosing at set intervals, usually 30 mgs every 4 hours or so. Also, I had started the bad habit of waiting for the effects to kick in. It usually takes about 30 minutes for the effects of adderol to kick it, and I had taken to waiting for the effects to begin in my dorm room, usually by playing online chess or some other game. The problem is that when the adderol kicks in, whatever I am doing at that moment becomes my focus. And so, I started to become less productive. I would sit and play chess to wait for the effects to kick in, and when they did kick in I would just sit and play chess for six hours, or play madden, or some other stupid shit. And the problem was, I loved doing it. So I did it again. And again. And again. And then I woke up one morning and realized I was a speed freak.
Iím not sure when exactly it happened, or at what point I could look back at and say ďThere, thatís when I became an addict.Ē Maybe it was the first time I stayed up for over two days, or maybe it was when I began stealing adderol from my friendís dorm room. Who can really say, the important thing is that it happened, and it happened relatively quick. By second semester freshmen year I had become a complete speed freak. I would take adderol all the time, and if I didnít have adderol I would spend days trying to find it. I would call people up and actually beg, totally demean myself. I didnít care, I just wanted to speed, just wanted one more go round. Always one more, one more pill, one more hour, one more game. And then, three years of my life were gone. I got thrown out of school. I lost friends. I alienated my family. I was in and out of hospitals, developed serious problems with anxiety and paranoia, and just lost a piece of myself somewhere out there.
Iím not the same anymore, Iím not what I once was, and it is the worst feeling in the world. I just feel dumb, all the time. I now go to a shit public school, I wonít say where, have about 5% as many friends as I used to, and generally lead a sad, lonely and unfulfilling existence. And to think, I had everything. World in my palm, and now I just feelÖ. Robbed. I am 22 and wondering what the fuck happened to what were supposed to be the best years of my life.
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