Citation: DrinkMas. "The Night That Never Happened: An Experience with Alprazolam (Xanax), Alcohol - Hard & Cannabis (exp53644)". Erowid.org. Nov 29, 2008. erowid.org/exp/53644
This year of my life was one that I am not particularly proud of. It wasn't that I was completely addicted to drugs, I don't mess around with really hard drugs like Oxy's, Heroine, Meth, etc., but have only experimented with other harder drugs before. I just felt the need to be high all the time just so I could function on a normal level. I was in college and was experimenting with a spectrum of drugs, but focused my drug use mostly towards weed and alcohol. I wasn't happy with college-life at the school I was attending so I would go home every chance that I could. I later realized I was suffering from depression.
It was about spring time when this incident occured and I was on the verge of dropping out of college. I didn't care about myself or anyone else, which is why I stayed fucked up all the time. A friend of mine in my home town had been perscribed 1 mg xanax, which I had only used a few time before, and being a good friend, he handed these out to my social circle like candy. We would normally consume his 60 mg perscription in a weekend.
(6:30pm) I soon found out while searching for cough drops in my mothers night stand that she also was perscribed .5mg xanax but didn't take them. I took 4 of these out of her perscription and took them orally before I went out. I met up with two buddies of mine at a park, one being the xanax guy, to smoke a little bit of weed and all three of us took one xanax. They left their cars at this park after we got high and took off for my friends house for a small gathering, which would later be a mistake.
(7:30) We stopped off at the liquor store to begin our night of fogginess. By this time the weed and 3mg of xanax made me feel euphoric and I now wanted to party hard that night. My friend and I split a fifth of Jack Daniels, which doesn't seem like much, but I was 20 at the time and that was enough to get me pretty drunk without pills, and the guy who was perscribed the pills bought a pint of Jack for himself. We arrived over my friends house a little later and started our weekly tradition of getting shit-faced drunk.
(8:30 pm) The following is my last clear memory. I made my first drink, a Jack and Coke, moderately strong, and chased it with two 1 mg xanax my friend gave to me.
(3:30 pm Next Day) The next thing I knew, I woke up at my dad's house, who I don't even live with and is a cop, passed out on a couch in his basement. You may think I cut a lot of this story, well that is exactly what happened in my mind. But let me fill you in with what I have been told by others actually happened.
Apparently, some girls came over and were drinking with us, one of whom eventually became a long term girlfriend months later. She had asked me once if I remembered meeting her that night, but I denied that she was even there, until a friend showed me pictures of her right near me. Apparently we talked for almost an hour.
Around 10:00pm, I was told we were doing lines of xanax off the host computer desk, 2 lines, 1mg per line, per person. Around 11:00 pm, we lined up six shot glasses and the two friends I originally showed up with did two shots of whiskey, back to back, per person, each with a 1mg xanax in each shot. This is about when my two other friends blacked out, so god only knows how many more we consumed after that. I will tell you one thing, about half of that bottle of 60 disappeared that night, not entirely sure who took the most, and we finished all the liquor. Shortly after this is was when I passed out on the host's bed. I was apparently woken up by one of my buddies who I did all xanax with and had the good sense to get in a car with me to go home. I have no recollection of being in a car, let alone operating one, which still to this day is one of the biggest regrets of my life.
So in total, I lost 19 hours of memory. The guys who I drove to this party, forgot they left their cars at the park and spent 3 hours looking around town for them the next morning. When I awoke, I went outside only to find my car parked in my fathers driveway. I felt so ashamed to know that I not only risked my life, but the life of my friends, especially since I knew someone who died from being involved in a fatal crash because he was in a car with someone who was doing the same thing I was. Even though my friends and I joke about 'The Night That Never Happened', it ended up being a life changing event for me. I swore off xanax for the rest of my life and vowed to never allow that happen to me again, because of it ability to throw any rational thought out the window. Even though I still drink a lot and only mess around with drugs very occasionally, I always keep the two separate. This event led to a gradual decrease in my drug use, and life has been much better without them running my life.
Ironically, I have been perscribed xanax for an anxiety disorder recently, but use it only as perscribed and in low doses. If I go out drinking, the pills don't leave the bottle. When not abused, xanax is actually a very helpful drug to those who need it. Luckily, I learned a great lesson from this blackout, but in reality, I might not have been so lucky.
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