DOSE:

Pharms - Paroxetine

BODY WEIGHT:

120 lb

It all started what I was 8 years old (I'm 16 now). Yes, eight! Probably the most horrific part of my life. I had just moved from a place where I was born, had lifelong friends, the whole thing. I moved to a place the complete opposite - I hated the house, neighborhood, people, it was just a nightmare. Especially for a little kid - imagine that. No friends and no family (my families true colors came out during this period.) I just hated everybody, isnt this natural? I had perfectly good reasons and real feelings. But no - thats not how it is today. Today, you need to be drugged up.

I hated the new school, new people, and my new life. I\'d pretend to go to school and really go to sleep in my garage. Things were bad enough at this point. Then school \'authorities\' noticed and the school psychologist ended up sending scoial workers to the house. The only thing I remember from that day was a man with a notepad asking me questions and writing down my answers. But these questions really, really ticked me off. In his head, he had me all figured out. Just another generic child with depression. Do you ever think about suicide? Do you ever think about hurting yourself or others? The same bullshit questions they ask everyone. The funny part is they had no proof whatsoever I was depressed. I\'d say no (the truth) and he\'d get frustrated. Did I give a shit? No.

A few days after my mom tricked me into going to a psychiatrist. Lying, what a great way to deal with things. It must have been that day or the next appointment I went home with a prescription for Paxil. The first day I took them, I was a zombie and slept through school. Things gradually got worse. Every time I was annoyed, angry, frustrated, my feelings were magnified. I was spiralling out of control. I even thought about killing myself over a stupid argument. This wasn\'t me. Eventually, I started refusing to take the pills. Which, like everything else, lead to a big episode. My mom called the psychiatrist - who then, called the cops (I was 9 at this time). She told them I was depressed and was a \'danger\' (Lied, of course to get me hospitalized). Next thing I know two cops jump on me and carry me off into an ambulance, tied me down, and I'm now in a childrens psych ward. Not only am I the youngest there, I'm the only white person. Wonderful. I'm treated like an infant. After a couple of days I switch to a ward with children who were my age. These kids werent the average angry teenagers I encountered before, these children were really crazy. I was scared shitless. I remember somebody once gave me an injection of who-knows-what in my sleep. It was a nightmare. And I was staying there until I was \'cured\'. But wait - what was my problem in the first place? A lying mother? Those crazy psychiatrists? I dont remember how, but I remember I was out of there after about 2 weeks.

The experience was a complete nightmare, but I definately learned many things. Psychiatrists didn't want to help me, they wanted to make my parents (or whoever) happy. Really helping me and my problems is too much work. Shove a pill in my mouth and I'll be fine. The whole psychiatrist-personality disorder-medication thing is a machine. An EXTREMELY corrupt one.

Exp Year: 1998-2006	ExpID: 53714
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 16
Published: Feb 21, 2020	Views: 1,538
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Police / Customs (60), Pharms - Paroxetine (148) : Not Applicable (38), Depression (15), Medical Use (47), Families (41), Difficult Experiences (5), Retrospective / Summary (11)