Citation: DMS. "There Is No Grey: An Experience with Amphetaimes (Adderall) (exp53989)". Erowid.org. Nov 8, 2008. erowid.org/exp/53989
First off: I love Adderall and many would probably call me an addict, but I have only used it recreationally a handful of times. The most I have ever taken is 240mg (or 12 pills) and that was highly unenjoyable. The reason I love to abuse Adderall so much is because it allows me to rapidly read and write for long durations of time. I have mad ADHD and I love books and writing, so subsequently I love Adderall.
My parentals have always thought I had ADD, but since I always did well in school and even in the GATE (Gifted And Talented Enrichment) program, it didn’t matter so I never needed drugs. In Jr. High I diagnosed myself with ADD. I didn’t need pills and I liked being hyper and not paying attention. When I reached High School I found out it was a bit different than Jr. High. After I got my first “C” on a report card, freshmen year second semester Honors Algebra, I told my parents I needed medicine to do my best in school. I am prescribed to an Amphetamine based ADD/ADHD medicine called Adderall.
It may seem odd that a drug classified as a stimulant and speeds up the body would be doctor and pharmacist recommended to children and young adults who are hyperactive and need help paying attention. Adderall efficiently works to calm me down and make me focus very hard on whatever I do. It is an abnormal feeling of calm on Adderall because I am very fidgety, but mentally I don’t want to get up and run around the classroom being loud and making everyone laugh, instead I simply want to sit down, not be bothered, and do all my work until it’s complete.
When I’m disturbed while I’m trying to get work done on Adderall, I immediately want to tell that person off so they’ll leave me alone and let me work. If my concentration is broken, it is really annoying. To be blunt, Adderall turns me into an alienated grouch that social life forms should stray away from. My Madre fails to acknowledge this fact. When I am on Adderall at home (or anywhere) I need complete concentration to read or write, but my Madre insists on bothering me. While I’ll be up in my bedroom reading J.D. Salinger’s “Franny and Zoey” my Madre will knock on my door oh so many times. She will ask me very sweetly over and over again throughout the day if I want something to drink or if I’m okay and she’ll come into my room, sit down, and act like she’s prepared to chat.
I know the Madre has the best intentions, so I start off very patient and gentle. Then, when I get agitated and choose to shut down each and every one of my Madre’s actions, I will be reprimanded and much more disruption will persist. The thing about Adderall is that it is a mental drug and I can choose to ignore it or utilize it, so when I take it to get work done, every time my attention is diverted my concentration becomes lost and disoriented. Each time my Madre will be a caring mother and politely inquire if I would like a glass of cold Gatorade, it switches my mind back into ADD mode and when I’m trying to read or write as quickly as possible, it is a constant burden. Adderall isn’t a magical cure for those who are attention deficit, it only acts as an aide to help concentration. I wish I could wear a sign on my chest and on my back that warns everybody “I am trying to focus my attention and it would be immensely appreciated if you would not disturb me for I might snap.”
An hour goes by in a matter of seconds when amphetamines are distorting my perception of time, so Adderall is perfect for school. When I want, I will pick one or two things that are time consuming and I will embrace the power of Adderall to get what I want done before the school days rolls to an end. Last year, my sophomore year at Andrew, I would take Adderall and get the little homework I had due that day done in usually less than an hour. That way I’d have the rest of the school day free so I could write. By the end of the year I had spirals and spirals crammed with poems, stories, screenplays, and very in-depth annotations of significant people and situations I have encountered in my short life time.
All my school spirals rapidly became personal diaries. My teachers would be in shock if I were to have showed them that where my notes from class should be was prose and verse. Most of the writing was complete crap, but it really helped me become a better writer and develop some sort of sense of a style. Since I am so antisocial and not myself on Adderall, the Madre is always on my back about not renewing my prescription, but without Adderall it is nearly impossible for me to gain enough concentration and make my attention do what I want it to for a long enough interlude so that I can actually sit down and read or write, and I truly enjoy doing both.
This has been written while under the influence of Adderall.
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