Citation: Thom Mon. "Mother of the Disappeared: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (10x extract) (exp54040)". Erowid.org. Jan 11, 2008. erowid.org/exp/54040
Set: I'm getting ready to try salvia for a second time, and really it will be the first time I try to see what this drug is all about. The first time was just a sample, to see what it was like and this time around I'm planning to step it up. I'm excited yet somewhat intimidated, knowing that my friend Jay took the drug for granted and landed himself in a place he commonly refers to as 'Block World,' a place he never wants to go again.
Setting: A friend's apartment at about 10:00 on a Saturday night. The friend, Bryan, is older than the three of us who were over there by about 4 years. His younger brother Spencer and Jim are also with me. We have all smoked a fair amount of pot in our day and all of us, other than Jim, have tried other drugs. DXM and opium are the only other drugs on my list of experiences. I first tried salvia a few nights before but had a mere taste of the effects including a lost sense of time, strange physical feelings, especially in the mouth, and a few other things. It was very strange, yet something I wanted to explore into more.
So anyways, we decided to do it one by one, packing our individual hits in a glass bowl out on a balcony, smoked them and went inside. I was the last to hit it and immediately put on my headphones and turned on some music to have during the trip. Once inside, the effects were already tripping me out. I fumbled forever to put my iPod back in my pocket while I sat on the couch. After I did that, I started staring into space and my world was stripped away from me.
Suddenly, I was unaware of exactly where I was or what I had just done, but I slightly knew that I had just done something significant and that other people were around me. I also had this feeling that I was waiting something out, but I didnít know what. Then a huge white ball formed in the room right in front of me. Thinking back at that, I believe it was the television screen I was actually looking at. Everything in the room spiraled around and was sucked into this white ball like being flushed down a toilet bowl. The ball seemed to represent my entire life, past, present and future. It went beyond that even. The ball was everything, every possible path of time, whether it occurred or not, every situation, every life, consciousness and moment in time. This is when the effects were peeking, about one or two minutes in. I remember a strange sucking sound as the ball formed.
I no longer knew who I was, or what the things were that composed my life. I had the feeling of being a small, fragile baby in its motherís arms. She was very big and watching over me. The ball was trying to complete itís development and soon I would get some kind of answer from it. I kept trying to figure something out, but I didnít know what it was. Maybe I forgot it, or I never knew in the first place what I was trying to realize. The situation I was in was very unreal, yet it felt as natural as a dream does when something bizarre happens.
Then someone in the room with me made a slight movement and the ball exploded. Everything suddenly came flying out of it. It was organic matter, a living something. I looked at in the room formed this odd chunk of something that was in the ball. It had not finished developing, it was interrupted by the movement in the room. Looking around the room, I noticed the two recliners on each end of the couch and how they made a semi circle shape. One recliner was red, one was blue. These two colors completed each other. Then I noticed the yellow container on the table that the salvia was in. Of course I didnít know salvia was in it at the time. The yellow container was the center object for the blue and red couches. I kept observing everything that had fallen out of the ball and everything had fallen so perfectly, yet it was all so unfinished. Observing all this brought me closer to this strange answer I was looking for.
At about this time, Jim turned to me and asked me if I had gotten a good hit. I didnít understand the individual words he said, but I could interpret it as him asking me if I had gotten to where I was now. I started laughing and said yes. It was like answering ĎYes, everything is really fucked up right now.í Bryan and Spencer both mentioned something about how intense the drug could be. Again I didnít understand their sentences normally, but I was comforted by them, knowing what I was going through was supposed to be happening.
As each second went by, I kept realizing more things, and they all seemed so foreign to me. I became aware of my own body and even that felt foreign. When I laughed, I thought I felt stuff coming out of me, but I think it was the headphone wires. I noticed my iPod in my hand and had no idea what purpose it served. It was some strange device connected to my body. During the entire trip, I was listening to a song, but I never paid a bit of attention to it. Music does not seem to alter a salvia trip at all until you begin coming back down and you can become more aware of things. The iPod and the rest of me seemed so small.
During the whole thing, I kept thinking about this answer. It was the most intense part of my trip and it is the hardest to describe. I didnít know how long it would take, but it didnít seem to matter. I could have been in that state of mind for a year, and it wouldnít have bothered me. Time did not seem to be an issue of the world. I had no knowledge of reality, and what a regular consciousness was. All I knew was the feeling of my mother, or some powerful force watching me, and that I would have to wait.
After a couple of minutes went by, I was rapidly coming back to earth and each time I observed something and a piece of the puzzle was revealed, I remember thinking that it was wrong. I had a feeling like my life was being put back together, but I wondered if it would be different. I felt like God was in control of where I would end up. I could end up in a completely different life and time. The room I was in gave me no information as to what my life was like before salvia. But I remember being okay with it and ready for whatever happened. Then I noticed Jimís leg propped on the table. Seeing that helped me to realize the presence of separate bodies. That leg was not mine, it was someone elseís. I looked down and saw my iPod again. This time it looked huge, and I realized its purpose was to play music.
When I realized fully that I was in my body, it felt huge, contrary to how small it felt earlier. My hands seemed so big and oversized. Then I remembered where I was, and that I had just done salvia. Reality seemed to hit me all at once at this point and I just yelled out ďthat was awesome.Ē Then we started talking about what we all went through. I think I was the only one to have it hit me so hard, I couldnít even talk. During the next minute, I felt fascinated to once again be aware of everything. All the foreign objects in the room were recognizable once again.
To sum it up, salvia was like having my world stripped from me, then built back in front of my eyes. It was like condensing all the things I had been through in life, starting from when I was a baby. I know this sounds crazy, but I think salvia activates parts of my brain that are hardly ever used, and maybe it brings back lost memory of being a baby. Maybe the feelings are artificially created in me.
The trip was not a very emotional one, I went through it as a calm observer. It was more like an exploration into the reality that is beyond what we are bound in by our world and our bodies. It felt divine and timeless. I just calmly floated through it. I am writing this the day after it all happened and I have been thinking about my experience almost non stop sense it happened. This paper doesnít even come close to describing what actually happened.
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