Get the Erowid "Words" T-shirt
Contribute $50 and show support for accurate drug information!
Nobody Knew They Were Robots
by why me
Citation:   why me. "Nobody Knew They Were Robots: An Experience with Cigarettes (exp54102)". Apr 26, 2018.

  repeated smoked Tobacco - Cigarettes (daily)


Why me? Cigarettes found me when I was 13 years old, in 1985. Then I went out to find it. We stayed together constantly for about 4 and a half years. Then it stayed away for 8 years and came back when I was 28. Then it went away for two years when I was 31. 33 it came back to get me. I'm almost 35 now. Cough.

It's a cruel, punishing substance, tobacco. It's also perfectly legal. Why? Ruthless. When I had to smoke at night, I knew I was done for.

I never choked at first. Now I'm choking all the time. Barely breathing. At first, it made me feel great. No problem, every time. I was in love again. This was my 2nd great drug. Alcohol was my first. Bastard.

It's all my fault. I did this to myself, and I have no defense for the indefensable. I smoke American Spirits Blue, about 12 a day. Those are the best cigarettes I've ever smoked. Camel is the 2nd best, then Marlboro. Everything else sucks. GPCs, you gotta be kidding me. Never.

I get nervous every time. I can't be doing this, I tell myself. Puff puff. Did it again. Wait an hour, I do it again and again and again. All day and in the night too.

Brown stains on my lungs. Chunks. Rotting butts in a wet ashcan. I don't want to start a fire. Threw a cig in a plastic and styrofoam cup yesterday. There was water in there. Nothing happened.

Well, that's my story. I've quit many times. Last time, I almost went kaput. I'll quit again someday. Someday.

Why me?

Exp Year: 1985-2006ExpID: 54102
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 35 
Published: Apr 26, 2018Views: 573
[ View as PDF (for printing) ] [ View as LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Switch Colors ]
Tobacco - Cigarettes (266) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Health Problems (27), Addiction & Habituation (10), Various (28)

COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.

Experience Vaults Index Full List of Substances Search Submit Report User Settings About Main Psychoactive Vaults