Citation: why me. "Nobody Knew They Were Robots: An Experience with Cigarettes (exp54102)". Erowid.org. Apr 26, 2018. erowid.org/exp/54102
Why me? Cigarettes found me when I was 13 years old, in 1985. Then I went out to find it. We stayed together constantly for about 4 and a half years. Then it stayed away for 8 years and came back when I was 28. Then it went away for two years when I was 31. 33 it came back to get me. I'm almost 35 now. Cough.
It's a cruel, punishing substance, tobacco. It's also perfectly legal. Why? Ruthless. When I had to smoke at night, I knew I was done for.
I never choked at first. Now I'm choking all the time. Barely breathing. At first, it made me feel great. No problem, every time. I was in love again. This was my 2nd great drug. Alcohol was my first. Bastard.
It's all my fault. I did this to myself, and I have no defense for the indefensable. I smoke American Spirits Blue, about 12 a day. Those are the best cigarettes I've ever smoked. Camel is the 2nd best, then Marlboro. Everything else sucks. GPCs, you gotta be kidding me. Never.
I get nervous every time. I can't be doing this, I tell myself. Puff puff. Did it again. Wait an hour, I do it again and again and again. All day and in the night too.
Brown stains on my lungs. Chunks. Rotting butts in a wet ashcan. I don't want to start a fire. Threw a cig in a plastic and styrofoam cup yesterday. There was water in there. Nothing happened.
Well, that's my story. I've quit many times. Last time, I almost went kaput. I'll quit again someday. Someday.
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