DOSE:	repeated	insufflated	Cocaine	(powder / crystals)
	repeated		Methadone
	repeated		Heroin
	repeated		Oxycodone

BODY WEIGHT:

135 lb

This is the story of how coke almost ruined my life. I am 26. I first tried coke right before I turned 22. Before then I had drank, smoked weed all the time, used ecstasy extensively, and sometimes took pain pills, but had always sworn to stay away from what I considered 'hard drugs' - coke and heroin. This guy I had just started dating at the time, n., was into drugs because he thought it made him look cool. But, anyway, he got some coke the one night and wanted to do it with me. I wanted to impress him, so I agreed. I had a couple of lines, and I remember thinking, 'what's the big deal? Yeah, it's fun, but not THAT great.

We did it off and on that summer. That fall I moved into his parents house and started doing it behind his back. Then I met this guy who sold AWESOME shit, who would deliver it to me at work. By the winter I was doing at least 2 grams a day, by myself, and stealing money from work to pay for it. I lost 30 pounds (and I am already thin) because I was so sped up all the time I couldn't even bring myself to swallow food. Someone at work would have food and say, hey, try this, and I wouldn't want to look weird, so I'd take a bite, but have to spit it out when no one was looking. I literally could not eat. Then I got fired from my job for stealing. Then dudeman got busted, and I didn't have any other connections, so I stopped for most of the summer. I took a job as a server at a restaurant, and met some new connects there.

That fall my boyfriend left to go to college 6 hours away, and I continued to live at his parents house, while I worked 2 jobs (one at a local farm and the other still serving), presumably to save up money to move up to where he was going up to school, but really spending every cent I was making on coke. (the one cook at the restaurant was my new supplier). This went on through the next summer, and the fall, and in the winter I moved out of his parents house and back in with my old roomate. I quit coke again, both because there was a huge bust in town, and my money supply was too low (I started cooking on the line instead of serving, so I didn't have cash in my pocket every day). N. Broke up with me (after 3 years) mostly due to my lying about drugs and where my money was going.

At that point I started doing heroin, taking methadones, and snorting oxycontins. That was a three or four month period that ended 6 months ago, when I decided to become completely clean because there was a promotion coming up at work and I wanted to have a clear head and I really, really wanted that promotion.

Well, I got it. I make awesome money now and am about to be promoted again. But the cook who used to sell coke to me actually came back to work on the line a couple of days ago. And I couldn't help but ask him, 'hey, you don't still get shit anymore, do you?' and he smiled. And said yes. And so now it's 5:30 in the morning and I'm tweaking and horribly disappointed in myself. But if I can't comfort myself, at least there's a little plastic baggie filled with powder that always shows just how much love it has left to give. And as I sit here writing this, I keep telling myself, only this one time. But I can't help the feeling deep inside that it the beginning of a downward spiral, that I'm standing on the edge of a precipice, that the damage is done. Farethee well, self.

Exp Year: 2006	ExpID: 54427
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Aug 3, 2020	Views: 911
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Cocaine (13) : Addiction & Habituation (10), Not Applicable (38)