Citation: Jae. "Long Term Prescribed Use - Brain Mush: An Experience with Alprazolam (Xanax) (exp54670)". Erowid.org. Apr 4, 2018. erowid.org/exp/54670
I've been taking 2mg of xanax every night to sleep for over a year. My doctor had warned me it could be addictive, but she and I were so excited that we'd finally found something that could make me sleep and still be able to get up in the morning that we thought the risk was worth it. I still haven't decided if it is or not...sleeping is really improving my life.
However, the side effects are starting to break me down. I've developed rather severe dyslexia, starting with numbers and continuing on with letters, spelling and memory. I have studied sign language, and I can no longer sign properly because the signs are mixed up in my head. My brain feels somewhat fuzzy all the time (though it occasionally clears), and my reactions are slower.
But today, I found out what happens when I don't take it. I didn't take it last night to sleep because I thought I could do it on my own. I was right. I slept. I woke up feeling fine, if not a little manic. An hour later, I'm on the freeway heading to school. Accident #1 nearly occurs when a car nudged up too close and I almost sideswiped the barrier. Accident #2 almost occured when a car started to drift into my lane next to me, and I overcompensated and swerved into the carpool lane- barely missing being in what could have been a very very bad accident.
I managed to get to class in one piece, but couldn't sit still. I was anxious beyond anything I'd ever experienced. I realized, then, that my pride at having slept a night without a sleeping aid was killing me. I went home immediately and took a half mg of xanax and a short nap. As soon as I woke up, I was fine.
I'm addicted. I know I am. But it's the only thing that helps and I'm stuck. I don't know what I'm going to do because it's really turning my brain into mush when I'm using it, and when I don't I get scary.
Avoid long term use, if you can. I hope this damage to my brain and memory is not permanent. But I really don't have a lot of hope anymore.
[Reported Dose: "2+ mg daily"]
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