Citation: Apricey. "A Second World: An Experience with Inhalants - Gasoline (exp54819)". Erowid.org. Jul 25, 2006. erowid.org/exp/54819
Our understanding of the literature is that there is no such thing as safe recreational use of volatile solvents, aerosols and other street inhalants : their psychoactive effects are inseparable from nerve and organ damage. We have chosen to include these reports to help document the real world use of inhalants, but their inclusion is not intended to imply that they are anything but dangerous.]
This is something I will never forget, and I must say the darkest point in my life.
It all started when a friend showed me while we were smoking up in his basement how to huff gas. Later on that night when I was home, my parents left and I took it into my living room and began huffing more. Next thing I knew I was sitting there laughing at absolutely nothing. Later on I began doing it more.
Most of my experiences are very difficult to explain.
At first I was doing it very little. I would have conscious dreams of myself as a warm liquid spinning like a hurricane. Feeling like I was sinking into the floor. Than waking up out of it and being astonished by what had just happened. It felt amazing. Most of them were very similar, and picked up where it had left off from my previous experiences.
Then, it seemed as though I was becoming immune to it. I was no longer having these dream like states. I was having hallucinations but it did not bring me to a different place. I was beginning to just have hallucinations of people around me, these people non existent people who would soon become my worst enemy, but my best friends.
When I would huff I would leave my garage door leading into the house open and turn on CNN news. I would listen to it, and started believe that they were talking about me, watching me from satellite and having people to come help me, council me.
I began thinking I was seeing a man on my left who I could only see in the corner of my eye ( which was a golf bag ) and a women on my right in my peripheral vision making hand gestures. I would hear there voices and understand them, but would try and mimic it to see what it was and could not. The words made no sense but I understood it. I would think something, but hear it. Then they would reply to it. I would say something and it felt like it echoed throughout my whole entire house. But merrily a whisper.
I began doing more and more to try and get back to my dream like states that I had when I first began. Next thing I knew I was becoming extremely nauseous, and would spend hours trying to puke up absolutely nothing. My face was beginning sweat doing it, and when I would go to vomit, my legs were beginning to shake. This never stopped me.
I began blaming the ' people ' around me for it. One afternoon I remember breaking down pleading with them to show me strait forward who they were. I remember crying and yelling
' STOP PLAYING FUCKING GAMES WITH ME ' . And breaking down crying asking them to stop 'fucking' with my head.
Realizing the larger gas can beside me full of gas I switched the nozzle I had been using to it. It was just as intense as when I started. I later began to suspect that I had sucked the other gas can dry and that is why I was not getting the affect as I was before when I started. I was back to my dream like states, and they were right where I left off. Sorry to say, it is a story but it is extremely hard to explain. I remember the images but cannot come up with the words in my head to explain them.
Then it started becoming more difficult to get the dream like states. My hallucinations started becoming violent. There was a man yelling things at me. calling me useless with a pistol in my face. All the sudden I saw his hand move to pull the trigger, and right when it 'went off' I heard my father yell my name and I snapped out of it. That really impacted me, and still spooks me.
The most violet hallucination I had was there were 8 children. The girls were wearing dresses and the boys were wearing suits. They had happy parents. It was all happy and all the sudden everything turned red and they were being suffocated with bags over their heads. Than after I snapped out I found myself crying and then the guy (who I later came up with Dr. Roberto) gave me those images to make me stop huffing. And it took me a few days to get over it. I did not stop though.
The violent hallucinations stopped. I started huffing more because it was taking more to get me satisfied. I began feeling as though I was elevating into my attic and the DR was pounding on the ceiling telling me to come down. I remember thinking that this was why people said it was bad. Because it gave me magic abilities.
In the middle of my elevation my mom stepped out. She told me that I looked at her for a few seconds, said nothing, and began huffing again. Finally I heard her ask me ' are you huffing gas!' and she ran me to the hospital. I was there for 6 hours because they were checking to make sure I was going to live. I was fine, but they did bloodwork on me and all kinds of stuff.
This was not the end.
I began doing it again, only real late at night. I remember I started at around 11 pm and walked in to see the time and it was 1 am. I was amazed. I would sit there, and have my typical hallucinations of all these people who I began to know very well.
I remember I had inhaled such a huge hit off the gas can, that a literally burped for like 5 seconds after words (that's a lot of fucking gas) and then I heard somebody say ' now that's the way to give yourself a heart attack' For some odd reason, I began to get the feeling that I was having a heart attack.
I remember seeing a stick with a heart on it, and it was beating very, very fast. And I was hearing it and also an alarm. And then in blue I saw ' heart attack ' flashing red and blue lights. I had a huge pain shove up my spine and remembered seeing my spine grind and electricity shooting up through it.
This was very painful. I then stopped for the night. Went up in my room and cried.
The next night I did it again. Only this time, it was more intense and louder. I felt my right hand pulsing and thought I saw a blue vain bulging out of my hand and pumping blood. I ran inside of my house and prayed to god out loud for a few seconds to let me live and if I were to die to take me to heaven. I tasted death that night. After those split seconds of my plead to God for my life, I ran upstairs to say goodbye to my parents. I got in my mothers face and showed her my hand and yelled mama I'm going to die. She was like what? And I yelled ' Canít you see it?' *the blue vain pulsing*
She turned on the light and tried to look for what I was talking about and then said these words. ' Were you huffing gas again? '
Now this is kind of amusing thinking about it. How silly I probably looked but it was the most terrifying experience in my life.
Since then I have tried it again, but still get the sensation of having a heart attack. I feel the pulsations in my hand and my heart races.
My 'friends' are now all gone. Everytime I step into my garage at night especially, and turn on the same old dim light, it brings me back and I get chills.
When I huffed gas I lost my mind. I lost all grips of my reality and started believing that my hallucinations were real. I was communication with people that did not exist and began to know them and grow to them emotionally.
I do not believe it affected me long term, I was only insane when I was huffing gas. What was even worse I was so used to doing it that I would think I was sober doing it, but still seeing things around me that werenít real. That made me believe it even more. I knew it wasnít real, but there is something about it that I never forget and almost does become real. It was my second reality. I risked my life for it many times.
I showed one of my close friends how to do it, and it was a very small gas can. The nozzle was as big as my pinky. I tried it but did not get any affect and she did it. I encouraged her to do more and she did and all the sudden she slumped over on my shoulder and her eyes rolled in the back of her head. She was stiff as a rock. I began yelling at her and slapped her as hard as a I could in the face. Finally I gave her a real good slap and she snapped out of it and than explained to me her dream. This scared me to death and I will never encourage somebody to do it again. I have friends who have tried it but obviously not to the extent that I have done it.
COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.