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Inside vs Outside
MDMA(Ecstasy), LSD & Cannabis
by Mooge
Citation:   Mooge. "Inside vs Outside: An Experience with MDMA(Ecstasy), LSD & Cannabis (exp55101)". Erowid.org. Feb 5, 2007. erowid.org/exp/55101

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
2 tablets oral MDMA (pill / tablet)
  T+ 2:00 2 tablets oral MDMA (pill / tablet)
  T+ 5:00 3 drops oral LSD (liquid)
  T+ 0:00   repeated smoked Cannabis (plant material)

BODY WEIGHT: 87 kg


During the Summer of 2004 I experienced what I can only describe as my cleanest and most wholesome drug experience. In a large public park 5-10 miles from my home there is an illegal rave held in the woods twice yearly. Usually the first coincides with the Summer Solstice with a follow up 2-4 weeks later depending on the success of the previous party. My friends and I always ensure that we are around at this time of year as the rave is not to be missed!!! This particular experience is from the 2nd or 3rd year I attended.

SCENE AND SETTING:

The thought of doing acid hadn't even entered my mind as we were picking our way through the trees towards the faint beat of the music. In fact I had never tried LSD before. I had done Ketamine on 2 or 3 occasions but had not enjoyed the experience at all. We had some good quality E with us and had all taken E many times in the preceeding 3/4 years. I only had 2 pills with me that night and knew that I would have to get more as it was just after 11 pm and the party would go on all night and most of the following day.

As we finally burst through what seemed like and impenetrable wall of trees, into the large clearing, our faces lit up. Hundreds of people were already there dancing in the dark to the sound of some quality drum n bass. As we aproached the main throng I double dropped my 2 pills. My tolerance was quite high by this time and I wanted to get the full effects of the E buzz. We made our way toward the back of the rave where there was more space to sit down and watch all that was going on - living in a built up area and restrictions imposed by the government regarding large gatherings outside meant this situation was normally only available in night clubs.

Rolling a joint and looking up at the trees and stars I waited for the E to kick in. As usual at this point in the rave I was in a contemplative mood, thinking about what I had done at work that week and what all the people I was seeing had done or were going to do. As usual there was a wide variety of people in the woods meaning that some types of drugs that were normally difficult to get hold of were available, also obscure things that I'd never heard of. And as usual some of my friends were extremely keen to try anything that they could get their hands on. They were like kids in a sweet shop, 20 year old kids!!!

Anyway the E began to kick in and felt that warmth in my stomach so I got up to start dancing, as soon as I had stood up bam! The E hit me big time, for me thats the best part, coming up on a pill. So in my euphoric state I began to wander round the woods talking to people while unconciously bopping away to the tunes.

This is what I love about large groups of people drug taking, walking around talking to strangers who are on or near the same hightened level that you are. It increases the buzz for me and fills me with empathy toward these people as I'm sure it does to them. Tonight however looking up at the stars through the tops of the trees I thought I was going to explode with joy. Sounds a bit fluffy for a grown man but thats how it was.

About 2 hours after dropping the E the intial buzz started to wear off slightly so I scouted around for another pick me up. I bumped into this guy and asked if he had any pills. He said he could sell me 1 but did I want any acid? As I've said before I'd never tried it and to be honest it had always stayed away from it as I wasn't sure whether I'd like it or not. So I told this guy that I'd just take the pill and maybe come back later for the acid.

I found my friends again, who by this time were all deep in one sort of buzz or another and asked if anyone knew who had pills for sale as the 1 I'd bought wouldn't see me through until morning. A friend said he'd someone with a bag full near the DJ tent so off I went again, dropping my 3rd tablet. I found this chap surrounded by 10-15 younger people, I'd say about 16/17 yr olds. He looked quite harrassed as they were all shouting at him looking for the same thing I was. I took him aside and asked what he had and he told me he only had 4 pills left for sale. I said I'd take them and the fact I was slightly older and not being hysterical about it meant he sold them to me.

One of the younger blokes in the crowd asked me if I had anything and I said no, I'd just bought personal and it was the dealer's last ones. This boy asked to have a look at them and foolishly I showed him one, he took it and told his mate he had a pill. I spun him round and asked as nicely as possible for it back, he held out his hand and showed me the pill plus a swiss army knife that I assumed he was using to intimedate me with. This annoyed me and I took the pill back and turned around to find my mates. This boy had really taken my buzz down a bit which was annoying and even after double dropping again I couldn't retrieve the intense euphoria I was previously experiencing. I gave the other 2 pills to my friend who had pointed out the dealer to me coz I wanted him to double drop at the same time as me.

So as the the night went on the music switched to hard house and techno which I really like and we danced until the sun came up, again marveling at the fact that we were outside, buzzing and dancing.

OUTSIDE:

At about 4a.m, 5 hours after first dropping, there were only 3 of my friends left, most having gone home to take more Ketamine. It was then that I bumped into the chap who had offered me acid previously in the night. He asked me if I had any pills for sale and was obviously too mashed to remember who I was. I replied no and asked him if he had any acid left. I don't know why I asked him this coz the thought never crossed my mind until the words came out of my mouth. He said he wasn't sure as he'd sold most of the bottle but would check. He clumsily looked at the bottle and said he thought he had 2 hits left. I told him to hold them and fetched my friend who I shared my pills with and told him that there was acid available. He jumped at the chance especially when he realised it was liquid. As it turned out the chap had more left than he thought and ended u giving us 3 large drops each on back of our hands. I didn't know what to do with it and was gonna snort it for some strange reason when he said just lick it.

Whether it was the E or the acid, I don't know but I could almost visualise the acid as it made it's way through the creases of my tongue into my blood stream, this was about 4.30 a.m on a sunday morning when I was already pretty well mashed, had been awake for at least 20 hours and had work the next morning.

But as we were in a wood with amazing tunes and the sun just risen, it seemed perfect and all sense went out the window. It was about 45 mins to an hour before I felt any real effect. The problem was that just as it I was beginning to get some mad body sensations, a group of guys surrounded me. I recognised the guy who had shown me the knife earlier, he and some of his mates were slowly moving toward me, blocking me off from my friends. I shouted to my friends but due to the volume of the music and their proximity to the speaker, they didn't hear me. I started to panic and spun round, to my surprise one of these guys was stading right behind me, fortuntely he looked as if he'd taken something also and sort of swooned when I faced him. I pushed past him and hurried to my friends.

The experience seemed to be intensified by the acid so that as I broke through the ring of wrong'uns I felt a release wihtin me and my body became as light as a feather, weightless almost. At the same time I started to expreience OEVs, the ground began to undulate and when I looked up to the leaves on the trees, they began to shimmer and move as if they were in a kalideascope. I was still conscious of the fact that I'd just had a narrow escape from a possible beating and I think as a result this shaped the way my visuals and perception reacted to the acid: a lot of people at the rave were wearing hooded tops and jackets and these people I percieved as being almost Dementor like, with crooked noses and empty eyes. I began to get more panicky and restless and asked my friend who was also beginning to trip if he wanted to move somewhere else and sit down. He agreed after turning off the imaginery tap that he told me had appeared above his shoulder and was making him 'very wet'.

As we made our way to a log to sit on, the ground was moving more intensely. It was covered in leaves and twigs but I believed there to be strange creatures wandering underfoot. We sat next to a chap that my friend knew and I told him that I had done acid and that it was my first time, he told me to enjoy it but I said that feeling a bit panicky and wasn't sure if I liked it.

He took my hand and told me to relax and just go with it, not to fight it. Almost before he had finished speaking I felt better, 100 million times better. He gave me an arm and hand massage that was one of the most amazing experiences. He told me to keep my eyes closed and it felt like he was moving all my energy up through my arm toward the tips of my fingers. Finally he wrapped his hand around each of my fingers in turn and pulled away sharply letting go of each finger as he did so. The effect was amazing. I saw sparks and fireworks going off on the inside of my eyelids, intensifying in colour and activity with each finger he pulled.

Eventually he said open your eyes and my god were they open!!! Everything was bathed in a golden sunlight, I could see the sunlight literally dripping off branches on to people's heads. I also felt a light inside me eminating outward. All my previous anxiety and foreboding had disappeared, as had any negative thoughts that had been buried in my head. I could feel them being pushed out with this new light from within me. I felt euphoria on a scale I never thought possible but I also felt liberated like never before.

Whilst my friend, L, was getting his massage I again watched all the revellers dancing to the music and felt a profound connection to everyone of them, even the group that tried to intimidate me previously. The massage had the same effect on my friend and as we were beginning to peak simultaneously we decided to move out of the woods as it was starting to become quite claustrophobic. We found our 2 other mates and said that we wanted to go back to my place to chill and smoke.

As we exited the woods into the most glorious sunshine we found a bench that overlooked the park. We were on a hill with the wood directly at our backs so L and myself lay down on the grass looked out at the incredible vista in front of us. the wood sloped down to our left and in front of us were large fields of the greenest grass sloping and in the distance rising again to more woods. I could see people walking their dogs and actually had the feeling that I could telepathically communicate with the dogs. I didn't want to come into contact with the other humans around as I believed that I was not human at all but part of the earth and the air around me, not human in any way.

The longer I looked at the sky, the more the visuals intensified, turning it first brilliant blue then slowly morphing into purple and finally pink with all the shades in between. The clouds were becoming kaleidascopic patterns moving and changing but staying within the shapes the clouds were naturally in. I felt like my back was growing into the trees behind me, that my back was becoming strong and trunk like. I felt like my head was a two way gate, with me flowing out into the atmosphere as rays of energy and the atmosphere was engorging me with it's power and natural beauty.

This point was about 6:30am, 2 hours after I had dropped the acid. It is really hard to express just how at one with the world and nature I felt. It was almost as if I didn't want to be human or at least trapped in a body. I wanted to be energy and I felt that I was actually becoming my soul or sub-concious. I stopped being my being and became my aura. When I see a mad trippy picture with all the psychedelic colours and patterns, that is what I was that morning, but a 3-d living version of it.

I totally forgot that me and L were with my other 2 friends, they hadn't done acid only E and so were coming down quite severely. They said that they wanted to go but I really wanted to stay and see just how far I could become energy, but also I was aware of the fact that I didn't want to cause any bad feeling to anything in the world and so agreed to go.

Luckily it was a very long walk to anywhere resembling urbanisation and myself and L were constantly entertained en route with intense visuals. Mine predomantly being sunlight dripping off everything and giving it a golden hue.

After about and hour and a half walking we reached the nearest tube station at about 8 a.m, 3.5 hrs after dropping the acid. As soon as I saw buildings and a road I became slightly anxious again and the sky seemed to darken somewhat. There was no way I was getting on the tube in my state, even at that time on a sunday morning. Although my initial feeling upon reaching urbanisation was anxiety this soon passed to euphoria, my mood seemed to switch between these 2 extremes for a while.

Someone called a cab for us all and we waited about 30mins. Things were really quite strange at this point, I think maybe the change in environment was having some affect as I still felt part of the energy I had been when on the hill but I was no longer there and I felt that I was transporting myself back to that point via the energy waves that were still coming out of my head.

INSIDE:

Once inside the cab my trip became completely introspective where as outside I was part of the world, now I was inside my head. I was still peaking and looking out of the window in the cab sky was still changing colour but darker shades this time and quite menacing. I felt like the roof of the cab had cut off my link to the world of beauty and aura and that the sky was punishing me for breaking the bond to early.

Eventually we got back to my place down and began to smoke and lot of skunk which increased the introspectiveness but also relaxed me whilst prolonging the visuals I was experiencing. I cannot even begin to tell the thoughts that went through my mind as they were not coherent at all.

This state gradually lessened from about 4pm until I was at a point where I felt completely contented with some minor peripharal OEVs. As it was my first wonderful experience with LSD I wanted to prolong it for as long as possible and didn't go to bed until about 2am when the skunk was making me fall asleep.

I woke later that morning for work at 7am in a total state of contentment. I noticed minor OEVs on the tube and on my PC at work. My thoughts turned to what I had done and experienced and it seemed almost like a fairytale for want of a better phrase. My whole mind set has changed since and I am now more accepting of people's attitudes and ideas. After what I have seen, anything is possible. It proved to be catalyst for me and from being stuck in a rut that I was, I moved onward and upward getting a new job and taking care of my life and the world around me more conscienciously.

I have now decided to go back to study and futher my knowledge. The origins of this decision I know are from what I experienced that morning on that hill.

I would definately do it again however this time I would plan it better. Give myself 2 days in which to take the acid and another 2 to recover. I would only do liquid as I have heard that clarity and cleanness of botters/tabs can be affected simply by the fact they are not in liquid form. I would try and take notes during the trip and would only take it outside in an open space with a few people I trust. I would also close my eyes more and see if that changed the trip at all.

This is just my opinion, others may prefer and different course of action.

Mooge

Exp Year: 2004ExpID: 55101
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Feb 5, 2007Views: 48,737
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LSD (2), MDMA (3) : Rave / Dance Event (18), First Times (2), General (1)

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