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The Nightmare of Christmas
by hydronica
Citation:   hydronica. "The Nightmare of Christmas: An Experience with Clonazepam (exp55432)". Erowid.org. Dec 25, 2018. erowid.org/exp/55432

  repeated   Pharms - Clonazepam (pill / tablet)


There is not much that I can recall but I will go on friends accounts of the monster I became.

It wasn't so much the high itself but the after effects. The 'high' as I would call it brings my self esteem up in a way similar to coke. But the high is very different than coke. I'm on top of the world, and noone can bring me down off my throne. I'm better than everybody and nothing matters of others feelings. I'm lost in a disarray of thoughts and think of high others are always lieing to me. Decieving me hiding, the very grain of thier ways from me. And the anger I expirience is uncontrollable. My mood rapidly changes from bad to worse then to fury and uncontrollable rage.

And the after effects of this drug may vary with the individual, but for me it was irratation at all things, and an irradiating anger was all ways about me. All one had to do was look at me in a way I thought funny and say hey and I was in full preparation to attack, not only with words but with fist and fury. The fury was unimaginable there was noway to withstand it and no way to escape it. All felt it and none save my own father would be able to survive the assualt. I don't remember what was said , only that it angered me and I attacked him on christmas day. I feel awful that I did so and for the life of me I don't know why I did it.

But lets put that all aside for now. I have tried to look back on those 4 months of my life lost forever. A dark abyss it seems to me. Because I cannot remember a single thing that happened in those 4 months. I don't remember christmas nor any presents though undeserving I am of them. I cannot recall a single day of this addiction but trying to actually smoke the pills to get an even better high, yet worse was yet to come of it.

In the days following my attack on my father my parents came to the conclusion that I was addicted to something. What they did not know and I did not tell them. I was sent to my aunts house far away and I wasn't even allowed to pack . My mom did that for me so as to make sure I didn't take anything with me that I shouldnt have. There at my aunts house I suffered from cold sweats, nightmares that I could not awake from and were so terrible and realistic, but thats not the worst, after 3 days at my aunts I started convulsing not much but I could hardly feed myself my hand would shake so much. And the pain in every joint of my body felt like fire almost a burning that would not stop then after 3 weeks of this torture it finally ended and I am for the better.

Exp Year: 2005ExpID: 55432
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Dec 25, 2018Views: 1,146
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Pharms - Clonazepam (125) : General (1), Retrospective / Summary (11), Addiction & Habituation (10), Not Applicable (38)

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