DOSE:

12.5 mg

oral

Pharms - Zolpidem

(pill / tablet)

BODY WEIGHT:

113 lb

I had surgery a few months ago and have had problems sleeping since, so my doctor prescribed Ambien CR to help. It's 12.5 mg but I cut it in half to make it work faster. Otherwise it takes an hour... This starts in 15 mins, I can feel the world 'expanding' and then forget to go to bed and end up hallucinating for a few hours. When it begins, everything triggers an association -- a memory, a strange thought -- and then it's like being in the hypnagogic state while still awake.

I had a mixed CD on and each song created another hallucination. After each song ended, I'd snap out of the scene and type something about it. After a few hours of this, I sent the e-mail to myself and this is what I found in my mailbox this morning.

It's pretty crazy. I do intend to use it for further exploration of the subconscious, since I always end up talking about memories I've repressed, things I don't remember or want to forget. It's useful for exploring all the mental associations I have with certain trigger words or songs or images, if I record it to look at it later.

-------------------
The e-mail:

'my friends' is about trying to beat my virginity into him.
Looseleaf dropped the big giant.
I'm a box of some tight energy.
They're all dancing here. They've all brought their faerie instruments (someone keeps trying to crumple this up as I'm typing it, they're tipping it over to throw it away) the party's still going.
Beratable. Relating to one of those religious deals (dressing and presenting) or what went on backstage. I can still hear the music. No one ran after me. Kind of wich Amberlt could see this. Why's the canvas moving while I'm trying to werite on it? Lamp becomes a black male head, hoeveres over the scene,
New scene.
This world is melting and not making any sense but it's beautifuk in sight and movement. (wait, please think of me and remembr me, I ididn't leave athose nessages. And I typing on paper? Typewriters.
This guy thought he'd been cursed w/me since the minute he came in but I'n jus thear to kead his shit to where it's supposed to be and then his brother takes over from there, I awws just in my own room, took a pikl to sleep, I don't know how I got here, I guess I was listening to music.

The dimensions of my walls are messed up. Convergence. I can't see well. Things slide on the page. They change. Then I can't figure out the sound or song was just played, or even why, and now it ended up in the middle of this, what is it? Amberly might know. Because she's on the outside. I sit up and it (the music constructs) turns toward me.

I now understand a little more, about mirrors and backwards calendards and checks being what enables this to occur and as I get closer to it, I work it out and then I forget or realize I'm somewehere elese with someone else.

Now the words are backing away and the 'depeche mode' song is on. When the CD is over, what will happen to me? Will I be over, too? I do feel quite sick from all this movement and convergence. Fluid and depth. Wish I could set it all aside and have her put it right again.

Tonic balloons over egypt changing the wheather.

I'm becoming precognitive, seeing a family at an earlier age, much like mine, they each bring to the song parts of their own sound.

All of a sudden I am shaky and confused, not as good at this game as I was, and I keep losing my sense of balance and my pen (and then realize I'm not using a pen).

At this point I am back in the england of english fairytales and lessons and the 1950 but I don't want to go, I want amberly becase she will bring me back. What's on the screen is tipped the wrong way.

No more bad things. Good song, the game will cooperate, memories I've forgotten for a reason will stay forgotten. I'm seeing Fall and the beach. I kind of like this.

They grew up with memories like ours, george and cheryl, and need to leave them and let them go now that they've grown up but they can still talk like that because they're twins, the shit they've been through is over so they can talk because t hey're better and older now.

All these tricky games of class, they make me sick. This girl came home to make her stay longer because she envied her clothes and all the shit she'd gotten and seen 'out there' in the world so she's here now and hast to stay if they kill her.

This type of movement confuses me, makes me sick.

Part of life is about changing colors, like how sunrise and sunset are a process of one thing changing its colors, and of a plant indicating age and birth and death, and we change clothes for mood and shit to emulate it.

Here I am in temple beth-el. The foreigners are signing to outshine each other. I arrange kippot like in my game and summer vacation memories to please G-d.

Exp Year: 2006	ExpID: 55608
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Aug 9, 2017	Views: 1,277
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