Riding the Razor's edge to the infinity point
Citation: Flood. "Riding the Razor's edge to the infinity point: An Experience with 2C-T-7 (exp5612)". Erowid.org. Mar 14, 2001. erowid.org/exp/5612
|50 mg||oral||2C-T-7||(powder / crystals)|
|T+ 2:00||10 mg||insufflated||2C-T-7||(powder / crystals)|
|BODY WEIGHT:||260 lb|
Dose: 50mg Oral with 10mg Insufflated @ t+2:00
This is going to be the toughest trip report I’ve ever written, mainly because as with all trip reports, the experience of the trip should make up most of the report, with a brief synopsis of what was gained or taken from the trip. As with all trips, the overall lesson sometimes sticks with you, but the experience fades away with the trip, making it a matter of recollection when writing a report. With 2ct7, unlike acid, the mind stays so clear, that the experience deeply affects you, although it seems by design impossible to describe in any format. This is the first trip report that I am totally compelled to write.
It will consist of a chronology of the experience with a general overview to follow.
Initial ingestion occurred at 5:30 PM of 50 mg.
5:30p – Orally ingested a carefully measured dose of 50mg 2ct7. I am greatly looking forward to this trip, because all of my experiences with 2ct7 have been wonderful. I have ingested 50mg countless times with a wonderful trip but often the visuals are not often greatly pronounced. This ride, I was looking for some fantastic visuals. I had already determined to insufflate 10mg at the 2 hour mark to kick in the visuals. My previous trip was with 40mg ingested and 8 insufflated at +2:00. It was fantastic.
7:30p – Although I am already feeling a strong onset of the psychedelic feeling, I insufflate 10mg of 2ct7 to bring in a visual cornucopia. The alarms were already going off and I knew that this would be quite a ride, I am still looking forward to this with great anticipation. The snort burns like hell, this is pain extreme, it is normally worth the 30 minutes of pain, because an insufflated boost can be quite powerful.
7:38p – Wow did that boost kick in fast! I am already experiencing heavy tracers and deep washes of color across my visual field. Everything is a bit blurry, probably because of the irritation that insufflation causes. This is not even the typical “kick-in” point and I am already convinced that this will be my strongest 2ct7 experience to date.
8:00 – 10:00 PM – Experiencing a classic psychedelic trip, colors are luminescent and emanate from all things, moving or not…tracers from movement are extremely heavy, very colorful, I remember describing it as color dripping off of everything…I have only experienced this with LSD perhaps 5 times although I am a heavily experienced LSD user. This was indeed a rocket ride, but very pleasant, a STRONG +3 and I am already hopeful that the peak has found me. There’s an unsettling feeling that this is not it yet, and I will go higher. Everything is breathing, moving, it can lose form if I want it to.
It is becoming a struggle to maintain form of solid objects, but it can be done. I am still welcoming this trip and enjoying it, because the beauty in everything is so incomprehensible by any standards.
10:30p – Luckily, I am chatting in an IRC room with some friends. These friends helped my discover 2ct7 and have had good trips on it, too. The psychedelia has become more of a soup. Most people consider Psychedelic soup to be when letters on the screen or inanimate objects appear to move around and “dance”. This was true soup, however…form swirled into emotion, then into color, then into a kaleidoscope of fractal type patterns, symmetrical chaos if you will. I can only make out the structures and forms that are so familiar to me if I concentrate. Even though I know this is good, and will pass, I am experiencing too much. It has crossed the line of comfortability and is now a burden to have. 2ct7 in its usual fashion was about to show me something... the peak has still not leveled off yet. This is the closest I have come to incapacitation on any substance. I still maintain to control my trip and attempt to let my friends know that this may have been a bit too far to go.
10:45p – I had just poured a glass of a fine vintage port wine that I had been holding on to. I was staring into it to see if any sediments has made it into my glass. Upon staring into the wine, I am able to see closer... and still closer... I can see tiny tiny tiny things floating around in my wine, but they are not sediments... I look still closer and realize that I am staring at molecules…billions and billions of wine molecules and tannins floating around in a suspension. The substance of the universe is becoming clear... and its something that mortal humans are not supposed to contain. I am crossing a line that I do not want to cross in retrospect. I set the wine down immediately. I take a short walk around the apartment in a psychedelic haze to find something to bring me back down a bit. I have already crossed the line and there’s no coming back. All existence, all of life, all of these things which we go through believing that we have a choice over is a result of the limited perception of all humans. I realize that the universe, as vast as it is, is made of energy, in the form of matter, light, and emotion, and this energy just transfers from one state to another, it doesn’t go anywhere, it doesn’t go away, is just goes on and on. As if the world was pre-programmed and choice is just not a factor, we must go on, and we must be, and no matter what we do, we are bound to it, thus negating all choice. I have gained a knowledge that is as unsettling as it is beautiful. The thought of God continues to come up in my mind, because there is a beauty to it, and even though it was inescapable, it is good.
I got back to my keyboard where one of my closest friends is back in the chat room. I knew that I was dead, because humans are not allowed to know these things, I could not contain it and I knew that, but it was forced upon me... I Had to contain this. I feel the breaking point coming... I am leaving vapor trails behind me as I ride the razor’s edge toward the infinity point. The infinity point is all knowledge, yet it is paradoxical because how can infinity exist within one single point. I cannot get there, but I feel myself being burned off, yet I don’t know if I’m dead, death cannot exist because it negates the life I am experiencing. I realize that I do not have a choice, but I must live through this and I cannot possibly maintain this level of awareness. I made my friend call my cell phone, I need to hear another voice. He did and we began talking. It was of course, impossible to shape my feelings into words, I remember saying that “I do not want this, I will give everything for this to be over. My friends talked me through it for the next few hours. God bless them all, they are fine and good people. After several hours I feel myself stabilizing. I still feel as if I am either dead or breaking an unwritten rule of the universe. We as people, or all things for that matter, exist at a single point in time. we cannot exist at 2 points at the same time, for this would be impossible, and since time is experienced point by point, all of reality is one dimensional, yet omni dimensional.
Everything is at this point a paradox, since energy is simply being traded off in form, not decreasing, not increasing, but trading places, everything blends together. I often have paradoxical trips, wherein everything makes sense but for no greater purpose, hence the paradox. I still question if this is because this is what life is, or just the way I interpret it.
Life at this point is simply an unstoppable force that will go on and on, I remember feeling so tired, genuinely tired from all of the things I have been through in my life. This was a tiredness of the soul, the desire for rest, for peace, while being pushed along this ride, forced to be, I have a core desire to rest, but I fear that if my eyes close I will die.
My parents or somebody will find me dead in this apartment and I can do nothing about it because I am already gone. I have transcended all things physical, I am energy with conscience. My heart laments deeply for having done this, because I now have to deal with the knowledge being forced upon me and I cannot contain it all, I can only be a small part of it. I writhe in this understanding for a long time, seems like forever.
2:30a – I have gotten off of the phone with my dear friends. They have kept me in this world simply with the contact, the sounds of their voices make me realize that I am not alone in this. At this time the visuals fall of sharply. I am entering the place. The place is a state of mind that comes along after about 4-7 hours of peaking on 2ct7. The visual and psychedelic haze goes away within about 5 minutes, and you find yourself, calm, contented…transcendent still of all things, but very aware of who and what you are.
This place is the reason I do 2ct7, the visuals and feelings are merely good side effects (normally) along the journey to this place. It is in this place that you can reflect on the first-hand knowledge you’ve received, and evaluate it for what it is worth. Even though this has been a hell-ride, it was worth it to get to this place. Now I’m here, and I have to deal with consuming this knowledge, knowing that I can’t retain it. One would think that this is the time to search for the meaning of this trip, but the place puts that meaning on a table right before you. You can assess and take in everything at face value; you are told what you will take from this trip. You are not dead, my son, because you continue to feel, believe, process, understand this arcane knowledge, this snapshot of what this world is.
When a person dies, most people claim that there is a tunnel of light... a typical near death-experience phenomenon. I believe that this is the conscience leaving the 3 dimensional world we know, the electrons which feed impulses interpreted by the brain, leave the body lifeless and travel in a linear path, as one electron is the smallest part of energy, these travel in a linear path dictated by earth’s magnetic field or possibly by an omni-dimensional universal conscience. In this state of death, these electrons, this conscience is no longer bound, it continues to be, yet the journey of electrons along a linear path may be the tunnel, for if an electron could see forward while traveling this would appear as a tunnel, with the light in the end just the next electron up the line. This would be pure freedom and peace, no more of the weighty world to be tired of, this would be the ultimate end, perhaps at this time one may meet the maker, or finally understand and hold the understanding of how this universe works.
I, however, have gotten to see this without dying. I am blessed and cursed with these memories which hold intact in my mind. Have I cheated death? No, I have seen life.
I have seen it at the greatest level, and my heart is sad that I cannot contain this greater picture. This place is sad because I know it must go away. The only solace is in the fact that you are tired, and must sleep, and must go forward, transferring your energy into others, or into something good. The place eventually lets me go, where I spend a couple of hours enjoying the afterglow. I go to bed around 5:00 AM and sleep well.
Overview: The Reason
I think the reason that people trip is to gain some sort of greater understanding of themselves and the universe around them. These revelations are mostly pleasant and profound, often equating to the giddiness experience by the tripper. The tripper is looking for something, and the closer they get to finding it, the better the trip gets, and the more fun is had. When in the case that the tripper is searching for the ultimate answer, caution must be used, because one may find that answer. Most people will say “rubbish, the only time you’ll get the ultimate answer is in death”. This cannot be true, I do believe however that a living person can get to see this ultimate answer, however the reckoning of it can only be in death. I am alive and have seen it, but I cannot hold on to it for long.
And I will not be able to reckon with this answer until I die. Until then this answer will stay with me in pieces, and it will shape the decisions I make from now on. It will drive me to do the things I thought I would never get to do again when I was surely dead. I will continue to go on until my time is up, of that I have no choice. I have no choice regarding the past, because it is gone. I cannot control my future, because it isn’t happening now.
I can control the now, because it is the only state in which I exist. I will spend the rest of my life making the most of now, because that’s all I can do.
The lesson is the only thing that you come back with if you are fortunate enough to come back. The lesson does not lie in the knowledge that you are shown on this substance. The lesson lies in what you do from now on, knowing these things. These lessons are often not profound in themselves, but profound in the way you will integrate them into your life henceforth. It is this reason that the true lesson is sadly often lost or overlooked after a good trip. These lessons are not new knowledge, but often reinforcement of knowledge you already have. I’ll attempt to summate what Lessons I chose to realize after this trip:
1. It is good to have friends – You may be worth a lot to yourself, you may love yourself, or you may not. The true gauge is whether or not others love you. Have the people who have experienced you come away as better people for having done so? It is up to you and you alone that all people you meet are graced by your love and friendship, and that you feel their love and friendship. This can be the most enjoyable transfer of energy one can experience. Without this in ones life, the world can be a terrible and heavy place, nobody should go through alone, because we are all together here. This can be the largest crime ever committed against humanity and one’s self if allowed to occur.
2. Enjoy Life Right Now – Fuck tomorrow, Fuck yesterday. We live now and now alone. The future is uncertain and the past is obsolete. With regard to your life and the power you have to control it, you only have right now. Make the most of your life right now. The minute you feel that you are no longer living, the weight of regret for not having lived fully is unbearable. Your past is a culmination of events and energy transfers that we have already learned from, carrying only this knowledge forward, not the actual event. This knowledge makes memories, which are dear to all of our hearts, but do not affect the now, unless you live in the past emotionally. This is turning a blind eye to the now, and such is not the purpose of life.
3. You must obey the universal constants – Many great thinkers all seem to agree that all matter possess either kinetic or potential (implied) energy. It is a universal constant that energy is neither created nor destroyed, but transferred into different forms. This means that the energy of life will and must go on, with or without you. Your energy belongs to the universe, you are privileged to have it, you are obligated to use this energy to do good and to love all things. The matter you are made of is on loan, you cannot take it with you. It is impossible to exist outside of this law for any human.
4. Respect the question – It is the question that we spend our lives searching for, culminating, and coveting. The answer is an inevitability, but the key lies in whether or not you understand the question. You will eventually find that the desire to know that answer is more powerful a force than the knowledge gained from the answer.
5. Respect 2ct7 – Yes, it can be a fun trip, but care must be used. I was not careless in taking a purely experimentally high dose. I did so knowing the possible ramifications and knowing my own tolerance. 5mg can make the difference between an enlightening journey and an overpowering hell-trip. Find your perfect dose and do not exceed it. If you do exceed it willingly, be a man and be ready to accept the consequences of your actions. You will have to whether you want to or not.
6. Have a sitter if you go over your normal dose – Had I not had friends to talk me through parts of this trip, I feel I would have gone mad, or worse, done something regrettable to my physical self in hopes of stepping off that train.
7. Life is good – Even though you don’t have a choice and must live onward, life is holistically good. I have seen the unimaginable and even though it was unsettling, it was unsettlingly beautiful and good. The only thing “not good” that can come from life is when you choose mortally not to go on.
The best part about the whole experience is that I have returned from it, It is my duty to spread these words so that those who are considering 2ct7 know what they can be in for.
This is a transfer of energy into words on paper through which one hopefully will attain knowledge. This cannot be bad in any way. I will never take that dose again. I only needed to see that once. I am a better person because of it, but I understand that this gift cannot be taken for granted. Attached is a cost which I will pay forever. I am not sorry that I have taken this trip, I am however sorry that no matter how much I write, I can never explain the infinite finality of what I have experienced. I do not recommend such a trip to anyone, but if you do go through it, learn these lessons, and take what you can from it, above all remember, it’s O.K.
May your journeys be enlightening and your heart be true. Stay the course, and focus on that which is good, do your best. Hey! Why the hell are you still reading this…life is passing you by outside!
|Exp Year: 2001||ExpID: 5612|
|Age at time of experience: Not Given|
|Published: Mar 14, 2001||Views: 21,883|
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|2C-T-7 (54) : Difficult Experiences (5), Mystical Experiences (9), Alone (16)|
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Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the authors who submit them. Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the authors who submit them. Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.
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