Citation: ThereAndBack. "After the Binge: An Experience with MDMA (Ecstasy) (exp56255)". Erowid.org. Sep 8, 2009. erowid.org/exp/56255
I've been clean and sober for about 3 months now, after 28 days in rehab. I went to rehab because the things I had previously loved most (and still hold dear), drugs, had quite literally ruined my life. But that is neither here nor there. I write this to dispel some myths and clear up some issues regarding use / abuse of MDMA.
I love ecstacy. I just don't do it anymore. I loved it from the first time I tried it - how could I not? It felt great, and completely in the face of what others told me, I did not wait for my brain to 'recharge' before doing it again. They told me wait at least two weeks, I did it again the next weekend. And the weekend after that. And the weekend after that. Time passed, though my perception of it became increasingly vague, and after a while I found myself in a drug user's paradise: free drugs, anytime, anywhere. Paid in full, always top-quality. Given this sort of access, I did something insane. I took MDMA, and did not stop for eight consecutive days and nights. I slept a few hours here and there, but I was most definitely intoxicated for the entire 192 hours. It felt like the greatest experience of my life right up until the end. This is where the clarification starts.
Most people don't find this out the hard way, but tolerance to ecstacy builds up extremely fast. By the last 24 hours, I had swallowed, snorted, or chewed up 11 1/2 MDMA pills of very high quality (I know this because other, normal people took the same pills and achieved the desired state of mind), and I felt nothing - maybe a small buzz. I haven't taken MDMA since, I found myself in rehab less than a week later.
Some observations I have made since:
1. Abuse of MDMA most certainly damages the facilities of memory. Even today, months later, my memory - both short and long term - is unreliable, at best, though it has been getting better and better as time progresses.
2. MDMA flashbacks are real. They have grown less frequent and less intense, but they do happen. Notably, these flashbacks only occur when I have some other substance in my body - nowadays, caffeine or nicotine. They usually last less than a minute, and they are not as intense as an actual MDMA trip, but still very characteristic of MDMA intoxication: intense body high, clenching of the jaw, feelings of well-being. These now happen maybe one in ten times I smoke a cigarette or drink something heavily caffeinated. I have met one other MDMA abuser who has reported similar experiences.
3. The usual 'brain-dead' feeling that follows MDMA use for one to three days (maybe more, depending on the person and strength) is exponentially multiplied by consecutive use. I was basically a walking, talking vegetable for two weeks, and it took two more weeks until I actually felt sober.
4. MDMA use most definitely impacted my emotional stability. The first six weeks I was clean and sober were an emotional rollercoaster. I still have fairly powerful mood swings (usually swinging down), but much less frequently.
5. Sexual climax is noticeably harder for me to reach.
6. While MDMA abuse has had the aforementioned effects on me, it would seem my intelligence emerged unscathed. It took a few weeks for it to show its face again - it actually came flooding back during a lecture in rehab about neurochemistry. The lecturer knew only basic facts, and I basically raised my hand and corrected him out of nowhere. Hell, I didn't even see it coming.
Hope that helps those searching for answers. I know I probably can't stop anyone from taking drugs, and I don't intend to, or even want to. All I'll say is this: Take it easy, and play it safe.
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