DOSE:

repeated

oral

Alcohol

(liquid)

BODY WEIGHT:

215 lb

As correctly expected, there was some hard toll to pay for the excess that I logged in. Biologically, I am an alcoholic, yet I often go for very long periods (months) without getting drunk and even for years without going on a binge. As my 'drinking career' has progressed, though, my body's ability to process alcohol has certainly changed. In the present case, I had the following experience:

Initially, nothing much different than a regular hangover, other than particularly heavy sweating, some quick heartbeat. But, far, far worse (because not present in mere hangover) were the psychological effects of what is clinically known as 'major withdrawal'

Terror and (what I found worse) auditory, tactile and visual hallucinations, which were sometimes indistinguishable from everyday sounds, feelings, and sights (these included the humming of bees, the dripping of water, the strange reflections of light), but sometimes utterly surreal and nightmarish (morphing shapes and certain creatures that all humans deeply fear and revile), and it was these that produced sudden and even greater near-total confusion, heavy sweating, and frenzied heartbeat rate.

The onset of auditory hallucinations began exactly 24 hours after my last drink. All especially horrifying because there was no drunkenness to mask them: they appeared in the light of day and instantly led me to believe that I was going insane. Thank heavens I had spent the last few of those 12 days tapering down, and I had eaten a lot the day before cessation and had taken mega-doses of vitamins, and had drunk much juice and water (and, needless to say, no alcohol).

So, I lay in front of the TV in order to keep my mind somewhat focused on a fixed REALITY -- a surrender to stream of consciousness (i.e., sleep or dozing) would have entailed (so I knew from previous binges) very, very nasty things -- which nevertheless visited me, yet in a previously unknown intensity.

The worst period occurred during a period of about 4 hours between hours 42-46 after cessation of drinking. This began with the visualization of geometrical patterns -- not so bad. But the visions quickly became ones of putrefaction, horrendous scenes of decay and filth, worms squirming from eyeballs and the like. I found myself writhing and trying to focus on thoughts of my loved ones in order to dispel these visions. Scorpions, snakes, all of these things, just dropping onto my bed. I would swat at them, only to confirm that they were not real, yet the momentary terror became manifest. I kept seeing the extremely rapid descent of something down the outer edge of a heating pipe that runs through the ceiling of my bedroom down to the apartment downstaris. This went on for four hours, yet it was an eternity.

Forty-nine hours after cessation of drinking (right after this most terrible withdrawal), I fell into a deep sleep. All in all, classic alcohol withdrawal. Yet, when it happens to you, there's nothing 'normal' about it.

During Days 3 and 4, I did achieve the sought-after state of 'clarity.' I was able to discourse on philosophical topics (I am a philosophy professor by training) with remarkable precision and even insight. This state, I suspect, is perhaps a ruse of the drug, occurring exactly when neurochemistry has more or less successfully adapted to the drug. On the other hand, I might be wrong, as people on very, very long stretches of addiction also report achieving such a state.

I got through it, but it was the most horrendous 24 hours I'd ever experienced. Think you know what 'hangover' is? Good. I curse the day that this substance came into the world.

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 56316
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Oct 19, 2006	Views: 25,175
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Alcohol (61) : Addiction & Habituation (10), Health Problems (27), Alone (16)