Modern humans must learn how to relate to psychoactives
responsibly, treating them with respect and awareness,
working to minimize harms and maximize benefits, and
integrating use into a healthy, enjoyable, and productive life.
A Little White Lie
by sissyr
Citation:   sissyr. "A Little White Lie: An Experience with Cocaine (exp56401)". Jan 10, 2018.

  repeated   Cocaine (daily)


A little white lie

I never thought that at the age of 43 that I would be a coke addict, but I am. I remember when I was small that I dreamed of having 3 kids, a beautiful house, a great husband, and driving a Volvo stationwagon. No one dreams of growing up and being an addict! But here I am.

I started out smoking pot at the age of 15, (I was still a virgin). Though out the years I tried all sorts of drugs including acid, all kinds of pharmaceutical pills and of course coke. Never got hooked on anything until I meet Brian. From that time on life became a downward spiral. Going to work high on coke all day and taking xanax at night to go to sleep. My dealer worked for me so the supply was endless. I went from having a great job, a beautiful apartment and of course my Volvo, to quitting my job and moving back home with my mother and working part time for my brother.

Everything that I had is gone because of cocaine. I have not worked a real job in my field for over a year and every penny that I make goes to my addiction. I have been clean and sober now for 12 days and it sucks. I thought that after the initial detox that I would be feeling better but I am not.
I have been clean and sober now for 12 days and it sucks. I thought that after the initial detox that I would be feeling better but I am not.
I have learned from reading on the internet about coke that it takes about a month to start feeling better. What happens when one does coke it uses up all one's seritione level and that is what makes you naturally feel good. I was so depressed that I didnít even take a shower for 5 days or even brush my teeth. How disgusting is that. It gets better little by little each day. But it is a slow process, something that us coke addicts donít deal well with. SLOW PROCESS.

I thought that when I was high that I was smarter, better looking and all around had more confidence. But it is just a farce, that what the drugs lets me think it does for me but in reality it does the opposite. I lost all my sober friends, they didnít like the new me. And now I have ended the relationships with all my drug friends to get my self back on track in the real world. I am lonely, but I have hope and faith that this stage in my life is a short one. I know that I should go to an AA meeting but I am just not ready for that. My life for the past 18 months has just been ďa little white lieĒ.

Exp Year: 2006ExpID: 56401
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Jan 10, 2018Views: 1,008
[ View as PDF (for printing) ] [ View as LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Switch Colors ]
Cocaine (13) : Various (28), Addiction & Habituation (10), Retrospective / Summary (11)

COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.

Experience Vaults Index Full List of Substances Search Submit Report User Settings About Main Psychoactive Vaults