Citation: Duchess. "Reliving the Holocaust: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (10x extract) (exp56656)". Erowid.org. Jun 28, 2007. erowid.org/exp/56656
I'm going to just get to the point of what my experience was like. Then, I will tell you why it was so frightening.
I don't even remember exhaling the second hit. I felt like my body was being blown full of air so quickly that it pushed me back onto the bed from which I was sitting, kind of like the life saving rafts you pull a string and they inflate instantly. I think I got knocked unconscious at first, because the next thing I remember was, I just thought I lit my face on fire with the lighter. Makes sense I guess, being that it was the last object I saw before falling back. I remember counting to six but in a different language, and I could hear the flames around me sort of laughing and chanting out loud to the number 6. I felt numb but for some reason I knew my body was burning and I felt like my face was burnt and I could almost see the embers around the black hole that burned my face off.
I felt like I was being thrown onto something like a wagon and it was moving so fast that myself as well as a few other burnt people were rolling around, bumping into each other, like being on a rollercoaster. But this felt like we didn't have a seatbelt on a rollercoaster so I struggled to remain in one spot. That's when I saw my husband's face pop into this hallucination and what I thought was 'pulling me back onto the train.' In reality, I was falling off the bed. The feeling during this whole thing was absolute fear. Sure, you say, that's that, but it was a familiar fear I had felt before but could not put my finger on it ever happening in my lifetime! Everything about it, especially what I heard and felt, was like I had lived it before but most certainly not in my lifetime. So it's hard to explain why it was so fearful.
After reaching the climax of the trip, and seeing my husband, I started to remember that I was existing in another life, with this person (my husband) and that it was a lot better there and safer there and that I only smoked salvia so I was going to go back there eventually. I remember towards the beginning of the trip though, I was trying so hard to say something to my husband but nothing came out, just scrambled slurred words. I desperately tried to speak to make sure my husband took the lighter from me because at first I thought it exploded in my face. Once he told me everything was okay, the trip carried on, and after the hardcore part, I lay on my bed laughing out loud. I was afraid to open my eyes cuz I knew I was on a psychedelic drug and wasn't quite ready to see things open eyed yet. Once it started to wear off I could relax a bit. Kind of like when I wake up from a nightmare and I know it's not real. I remember opening my eyes to look at my husband but his face looked so pink and swollen... Kind of like he got a minor burn.
!WARNING! What I am about to tell you may get a little graphic.
Now, I think you should read on as I fill you in a little about where this trip came from and what it may have been. All my life, I have been super sensitive to ovens and stoves. I could never explain why, nor did I know, it just was. If I opened the oven to take something out from cooking, I'd get flashes of what it must be like inside one of these things and how it would be an awful way to die. I could not help these thoughts in my head, I didn't choose to think such morbid things, they were always just being shoved into my mind, like against my will. I'd almost feel the pain from burning to death, the heat under my feet, trying to escape it but not being able to because everything I touch is hot, my body just thrashing violently in pain trying to get away from the heat but it gets hotter and hotter and eventually consumes me. I'd feel my eyeballs melt, my skin melt, everything just burn and seeing myself in this chaos but at the same time looking out of the window. That's what I always felt around stoves or ovens, and the thoughts I'd get against my wishes. It sounds sick, but I am not crazy, my mind was being raped by some unknown source.
As a child, I would also get the deja vu feeling when we studied history in school about WW2 and stuff. I'd have random dreams that were in black and white and it was daylight yet dark and it was centuries ago I was a young girl running through empty cobblestone streets, with a man, whom we were fleeing from bad people. I never knew what it meant, none of it never made sense, and I never glued both incidents together until recently with the help of my husband to shed some insight. I don't know much about history, I haven't learned it in college yet, so I don't know if this means nothing or if it could be something like reincarnation. But after my trip, my husband stared at me.
Now I freaked out and panic set in after what he told me.
He told me how the things I were saying, ‘Talk me down!' and ‘Help me!' and others things I cannot think of (it was traumatizing, and when something shakes someone up so much, they might block it out so they never have to re-live it), made sense to him. He told me everything I said to him about my trip and reminded me about the heat sensitivity and the 'flashbacks' I would get, and that maybe my salvia trip brought me back to my previous life! That flipped me right out! I demanded him to change the subject because traces of the salvia were still in my system and I did not want to panic.
As time has progressed, I think about it now with no difficulty. I'm a Christian, though I'm not close minded and completely write off reincarnation, I leave it blank and open because it's not something I read in the bible and I simply do not know if it is true and neither does anyone else, for sure at least (if they did, the whole world would know). I don't fear what I don't know, I remain neutral. But for people out there who are interested in reincarnation and whatnot, think about my experience and what it might mean. If it is true, I can definitely say that yes, salvia brought me back to my previous life and from what I have seen and felt sounds all too much like the Holocaust.
Would I do it again? Maybe. I really don't know if what I was feeling prior to tripping influenced the trip at all, althought I was very anxious to try it. I had to build up nerve to finally light the lighter! I had everything else right though. Trip sitter, waterbong, torch lighter, holding the hit in for as long as I could. I do know this. Wherever I was, I was far from God. Whatever I saw, I have seen before. Whatever I heard, I definitely heard it before.
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