DOSE:

MDMA

I am 21 and I first tried MDMA in June 2005. It was one of the best experiences of my life. I have since tried it about 7 times since and every time it has been a worthwhile experience. There's always that sudden feeling that everything is just perfect. I feel light, warm and relaxed and I don't care what anyone thinks.

The comedown was harsh the first time but it has become easier to deal with. It's fairly crushing to have such peace of mind and then realise it was just a temporary drug-induced state. But if prepared for it, it's bearable.

My last experience with the drug was very interesting. I was suddenly drained of energy and I had to lie on the floor. Eventually I gained the energy to get up and I started letting any sounds and emotions out that were in me. I shouted, laughed maniacally and cried...

Then I looked in the mirror. You know that thing we do when we look in the mirror - we check for imperfections, smooth our hair, whatever. We look at ourselves in a completely apathetic and superficial way. Well I looked at myself directly in the eye and I really didn't like what I saw. I broke down and exclaimed 'what have I done??' many times. I felt as if I had done something really terrible. I had looked upon myself and others with unfeeling empirical interest so many times and it was sickening. I plucked up the courage to look at myself again and I started making funny faces at myself like I did when a young child. I just experimented with strange expressions and funny noises and eventually I started laughing. It was such a blissful and free laughter just like a baby. My face was lit up and pure joy was spread across my face. I was looking my inner child right in the eyes. It was so fantastic.

The rest of the trip was peaceful and enjoyable just like all the other times. And then the comedown...it starts as a dull tension right in the core of my being and spreads throughout my body and I feel like an empty shell. I just want to fall asleep and forget about it all, but I can't because my mind is racing. All my neuroses come flooding back to me and I regret my journey to the other side, for the bleak contrast of now. After a couple of days I feel back to normal, not happy or sad, just kind of bored but relatively content.

I hope I can some day achieve the MDMA state of mind without drugs in the future, but I know it will be hard work. Meditation has never brought me the peace and joy of MDMA but I hope it can some day.

Exp Year: 2006	ExpID: 57378
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jul 10, 2021	Views: 568
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MDMA (3) : General (1), Unknown Context (20)