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Not So Loveable
MDMA
Citation:   thizzland. "Not So Loveable: An Experience with MDMA (exp57646)". Erowid.org. Nov 26, 2017. erowid.org/exp/57646

 
DOSE:
1 tablet oral MDMA (pill / tablet)
  1 cig. smoked Tobacco - Cigarettes  
BODY WEIGHT: 140 lb
I had done ecstasy many times before. It was always my favorite drug, and I had never had a bad trip or comedown. This trip started out normally. I was with three other friends, two of which were dropping with me. We were all experienced e users. We popped the pills and waited for my friend's sister to pick us up and take us to her house. It hit me fast, and when we got in the car, I was feeling great. Everything felt and sounded wonderful and I had a huge smile on my face.

We got to the house and decided to take a walk, as it was a beautiful sunny day. Me and my close friend Whitney were having an extremely insightful, bonding conversation about the meaning of life and understanding. The more I talked, however, the worse I felt. As I talked it reminded me of all the problems in my life at that time, such as horrible fights with my parents, my heart being broken, and getting in trouble with the cops. There were so many things going on in my life that I started to feel overwhelmed. If I stopped talking for just a second, I would get a feeling of sickness in the pit of my stomach. I had the feelings of understanding that I always get when I drop, but they were negative. It was as if the world was ending.
We finally got home from our walk, and I had some water and laid down on the bed. It felt nice and soft so I closed my eyes and tried to forget about my problems, and listened to Sublime. It didn't work. I still had horrible negative feels. I started to panic. It wasn't supposed to feel like this.

We went out on the porch to have a ciggarette. This didn't help at all. The feelings were so overpowering that I actually started crying. I kept talking, trying to talk my way out of the negative feelings I was experiencing. Everyone listened and lovingly tried to console me. When I had to go home though, the e hadn't worn off yet. Sitting alone in my room, life seemed so desolate, sad and pointless, the only solution I could think of was suicide. I curled up in my bed and tried to go to sleep. I only felt better when the e started to ware off. I was in a bad mood for weeks after that experience, and I haven't dropped since. I have realized now that it just wasn't a good time in my life to drop. I was depressed over many things and going through one of the hardest parts of my life. E can sometimes make me feel better, but sometimes it can make me understand why I feel so bad, which makes me feel worse. I was lucky to be with such good friends to help me through my experience, I don't know what I would have done without them in a different environment.

Exp Year: 2006ExpID: 57646
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Nov 26, 2017Views: 831
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MDMA (3) : Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the authors who submit them. Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.


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