Citation: William. "Passing the Course: An Experience with Inhalants - Glue (exp57668)". Erowid.org. Jun 9, 2007. erowid.org/exp/57668
Our understanding of the literature is that there is no such thing as safe recreational use of volatile solvents, aerosols and other street inhalants : their psychoactive effects are inseparable from nerve and organ damage. We have chosen to include these reports to help document the real world use of inhalants, but their inclusion is not intended to imply that they are anything but dangerous.]
I have written a story about glue sniffing and out of body experiences, which is an account of the various sensations during a four-year period in my life. The subject covers the use of a hallucinogenic and the advancement into a form of astral projection. This story is for those of you who are interested in understanding the sequences, which caused the change to take place. I believe the knowledge of one person’s experiences should contribute to greater understanding in our quest for information. These are some highlights from my early experiences with glue sniffing. I have focused in on the more important events during my early involvements. It should give the reader an understanding into the events as they happened. The section concerns the first use of solvents.
My interest in schoolwork dwindled during the first two terms of the second year. Attending some classes, these were usually the most enjoyable ones. One day we decided not to bother with school. I believe it was during the early part of spring 1972. Steven and myself walked into Leven, after telling some friends if inquires were made we had not been in that day. It's lucky most of the teachers seemed unconcerned, almost as if some unwritten rule said if you were not prepared to learn it was no loss to them. This suited both parties concerned. Taking the shortest route, we arrived in the shopping centre and did the rounds. Whilst in a large department store, Steven asked me to get two tubes of glue. It proved an easy task, as they were located at the back of the shops, and out of view from most people. The tubes were slipped inside my jacket, and then we causally walked out of the store. Thinking he wanted these for some repair job, it was to my surprise when his true intentions were revealed.
I had known of the term glue sniffing, but that was the extent of my knowledge. Steven explained it gave you a kind of drunken feeling, with sound effects and the occasional hallucination. He used glue ever so often but preferred pills, or smoking dope. To him it was a cheep alternative, which proved amusing. Felling quite excited by his description, there became no hesitation associated in attempting this. Not for one second did I give any consideration to possible side effects, or physical harm within my body. These matters seemed of little importance.
It was decided the beach would be the best spot for its use, with least disturbances. Leven's beach has at its beginning a curved wall, which acts as a breakwater during high tides. This is about five-foot high, with some steps at the bottom. From here we could see anyone coming. Not that it mattered, glue sniffing was in its infancy and the chance of someone realising our actions was very limited. My friend bought two packets of crisps which after being eaten the bags were then used to hold our glue. This was a clear day with few people around, it being too early in the season for tourists.
Having settled down on the steps he gave me a brief description on how to use the substance. The cap was removed and a small hole made in the top part of the tube, then it was squeezed into the packet. The aroma at first smelling strong, wasn't unpleasant. After being placed over my nose and mouth the smell increased in strength, but soon hardly became noticeable whilst continuing to breath in and out. The bag became a centre of my attention, as if it were an extra part of the body. This appeared as a form of synchronisation. It wasn't a major shift, more a different awareness in situation. My attention switched from this, to thinking about what changes the glue had caused, and they appeared to be minor. Thoughts were a little slower that usual. This proved disappointing having expected something more.
Whilst on these steps, in the background I could hear the sound of an ice cream van, or so it first appeared. This wasn't a normal jingle, and when it continued curiosity made me look over the wall to locate its source. Surprisingly nothing could be seen which offered a visual recognition. Feeling slightly bewildered asked Steven if he could hear this tune. 'There is no sound, it comes from inside your head'. As he said these words, it began to make sense. Thinking in the normal way it should have come from behind. Looking inward its source was soon found. Listening to this jingle internally, it changed to other sounds mainly instrumental based. It appeared strange, as these tunes were abstract in construction, like the ice cream composition not quite recognisable. I discovered by concentrating on the various effects that it was possible to alter some aspects of this in a limited sort of way. This only lasted a short time, then that tune was remixed into a melody not of my conscience selection. These sounds tended to repeat on themselves, anyway it was hard work thinking about altering it, and it proved easier to let my mind relax and enjoyed the demonstration.
Sitting there a strange sensation began to come over me. My body started to feel heavy, and whilst it happened all of my reactions slowed down. This took no more than a few seconds to occur. It was as if someone switched off the power and my functions were shutting down. Being aware of this made no difference. Starting to fall from my seated position I made with supreme effort a lunge towards Steven, and my left hand managed to grab his hair. I fell as if in slow motion, taking my companion with me. We hit the sand, and then quickly as it had come the sensation disappeared. I was left holding his hair feeling a little silly for my actions, which had been a grab for survival. The shortness in time between the whole events was no more than thirty seconds. This created a sense of unreality about the event, and once over it did not seem important, as say a similar act under normal circumstances. I apologised to Steven, and tried to explain what happened. He was content in his own little world until being dragged back to reality. That ended the entertainment for then, and we made our way back to school.
The last few months leading up to the summer holidays were spent much the in same routine, going to school, signing on, and shoplifting. We used glue on average once or twice per week, usually when both in the mood. Its effects on me stayed much the same consisting of various sounds and no visions, also the falling over incident did not recur. My control over these interactions was getting better. This happened with time and a little effort. As a comparison it would be like tuning a radio into a better reception. This allowed me to devote more time towards my thoughts, which I could hear as plain as any pitch in the normal wavelength. These effects were mostly musical compositions, or they started of that way, and then deviated with a break of concentration. If I were to relax many different sensations would come and be listened to with interest, trying to understand their nature within my mind. This was in its own way quite amusing, but I did not understand why Steven could see events with relative ease, whilst nothing of this nature happened to me.
My first experience of a visualisation took place at the beach during a solitary outing. It came a little way into the session, after playing with the sound effects it took the form of a dog, which suddenly manifested before me. In distance it would have been no more than three feet away. It looked like a Dachshund in appearance, but not quite real being similar to a three dimensional cartoon of very good quality. Studying this for some time, my first reaction was to stand up and try and touch it. This proved unsuccessful as the dog backed away. Realising it would be a waste of time the next plan involved coaxing the animal towards me. The dog walked beside my seated position just out of arms reach, then went along the beach and disappeared.
There was nothing else to be seen, and my attention returned to playing tunes inside. It must have been a few minutes afterwards when the same dog returned, this time with six pups playing around her. I had not seen them appear out of thin air, for they had arrived from a greater distance. The mother stopped again not far from my reach. She watched me as the others roamed around. I centred my attentions on her offspring, making all the hand movements, which under normal circumstances would have brought them forth. It was also unsuccessful. I gave up and walked back along the beach. A passing observer would have found the situation amusing.
Awaiting my spell at an approved school
I was feeling very tired due to the lack of sleep. The only conciliation being the shops was now open after the holidays. I went to the beach and fell asleep until opening time. This morning proved a little better than previous days. There appeared slight warmth in the air that made a pleasant change. I bought some crisps and sweets with the money found in the phone box, and then went to the department store for my first glue of the New Year. Returning to my spot began what developed into the most interesting experience to date. Sitting on the concrete steps it started of in the normal way by hearing different sounds. Looking out towards the sea I became aware of an object coming from very far away.
This phenomenon operated outside my line of vision, it being located to the left and could be sensed travelling at great speed. It enabled a first involvement in comprehending a presence beyond my physical boundaries. I had a basic understanding of its shape, which became clearer in recognition the nearer it came. Feeling in a relaxed frame of mind, it did not warrant a great deal of attention just then. The object now came within the landscape of my vision. This is located to the hills about five miles away. It changed direction to head towards the beach. I felt its every move in detail. My perceptions were still concerned with the sights in my line of vision that is watching the waves lap on the shore. The tide was out during the morning, making each break a gentle movement. As I watched this, one of the waves came in and stood still in time.
I became totally amazed, and my first reaction was to stand up and look at this. Trying to get up from my seated position proved impossible, with my whole body becoming a motionless object. These two actions happened within a few seconds of each other. The only part of my anatomy still able to function was the eyes, which looked on in concern towards a situation outside the realms of my understanding. The presence was now almost at my location and slowed right down just before reaching me. The next unusual occurrence-taking place involved the sand at my feet climbing onto my shoes. This continued rising upwards over my trousers, whilst the body was incapable of doing anything. I am not the sort of person who panics in the face of difficult situations, but this proved a bit hair raising. It all happened very quickly and I was unable just then, to judge the situation logically.
The presence came and stopped behind me on the pathway beyond the wall. I still could not move and everything took place as before. My situation did not require turning around to see what directed all of these actions, as it became possible to judge its shape and outline in perfect clarity. This was a representation of Jesus Christ on the cross. The sand now almost reached my thighs, when a voice spoke from behind. It asked me to give up using glue. As the last utterance from this statement was heard, my right arm became free from whatever restriction held it. I said yes throwing the bag to the ground. The figure started going backwards on the same course it had come, whilst the sand returned towards the beach. The last event to be noticed involved a resumption of the waves hitting the shoreline.
When all of the altercations returned to normal, my body became free. Standing up and looking around me, I thought what a strange experience that was. Without any distractions, it became possible to consider the serious of events taken place. It did not seem right looking at the situation more from a clinical point of view. The stationary wave appeared to be superimposed on the sea line. This presented only a fraction of difference between the vision and reality. At the time it did not allow any clear study, because the serious of events overtook my normal inquisitiveness. The sand climbing up my legs also looked different to that on the beach. Going over to the bag of glue picked it up and started again, because I was curious to see what would happen. From my seated position after the fumes took effect the same set of events came into play once again, only quicker this time.
Without any distractions it became apparent the stationery wave had nothing to do with tidal movements, this being a clever use of distance, for underneath the normal waves were on their last point of breaking, before returning back to the sea. It seemed strange to behold, for it altered an accepted concept in vision. My body went back to being motionless, that is apart from the right arm, which remained free. I could sense the J.C. vision coming towards me only at a higher speed. His presence did not have the same feeling as the first time. As he neared, the sand came back as before. It seemed a let down in its own way, a poor imitation of the first. Repeating the same question I replied yes without emotion in my voice. Then stood up when permitted. I began to feel unhappy with myself. This being nothing to do with the glue sniffing, it was as if all the recent misfortunes became focuses on that point in time. Realising my life had changed, perhaps forever without any clear recognisable future I walked along the beach thinking about what to do, and did not come up with any answers.
My first break at home from the approved school.
This was my first proper visit home in five months, and it felt good to be in my own room again surrounded by that which appeared familiar. The item I missed the most being my electric blanket during the winter. The holiday was spent mostly on my own. During the day I would walk to Leven, and the nights were occupied within Kennoway. Although it had only been five months away, life here did not feel the same. This wasn't just one aspect, it covered most of my normal circumstances. It proved an unusual time and caused a feeling of uncomfortableness about it. I did not know if somehow life had moved on, or the change originated within me. Either way it was not the same.
I used glue twice during the break. The first occasion was in the old public toilet in town. The beach wasn't an ideal location at this time of year, and the toilet appeared about as suitable a place that could be thought of. Through the screen in the door I witnessed life in a factory, in which all the staff were female. This wasn't a short sketch of the kind experienced up until then. The factory produced tights and stockings and my introduction into this building began at what appeared its centre. Looking in to the environment became more than watching something occurring, I was actually there. The only part, which separated me from this other situation, was the screen, being equivalent to looking through a window without any glass, into a real event. The woman who worked in this place knew I was watching them, but displayed little interest. They had expressionless faces and movement, which showed a total apathy to their situation. Dressed in white coats and hats they almost seemed automated.
I had a chance to look around through the screen, before touring this location. It all appeared endless. Moving further away from the original spot the machinery and people became as one, as each lost its individual identity. Before changing, the relative normality at the start was gone, and it now appeared cartoon like. As this ended the scenery transformed into a different room, where a beautiful model stood on a podium. She appeared a picture of elegance, changing posture, as her platform moved round slowly to backing music. The purpose being to display the goods produced in the factory. She was wearing a pair of white stockings that were gradually removed, in the process of turning. To watch this sequence was quite exquisite, and not surprisingly in a sexual context. I could feel this environment within me, it was part of me. On finishing the remaining viewing became more of a normal disposition. This occasion brought me closer in touch with the world on display. That is with one major exception, conversation. For some reason, or other I was not able to communicate with my subjects in any way. Verbal speech had no effect.
Living in England, the summer holiday, after leaving the approved school with my stepbrother.
Life on the home front, and at school was both going well. It was now the start of the summer holidays, which had been really looked forward to. The trouble with all this free time was it left me at a bit of a loss. Accompanied by a friend, who lived in the same row of houses, we went cycling to a nearby town. Whilst looking around the shops it struck me how easy it would be to begin shoplifting once again. The security appeared quite lax. There was a lot to consider about resuming, and it involved a number of implications. True to fashion I wrestled with my conscience for about thirty seconds, then stole something. The boy with me found it quite exciting, and from then on became my partner. At first it was only small items, but after a short while this outstripped anything attempted whilst in Scotland. The boys name being Michael, and he was a feature in a segment of my past that was to become the present.
We also spent time with a girl called Lesley, who also lived on the same block as us. Both of these people had become my friends through different ways, Michael being from the quieter side of life, and I could relate to him on a normal level. Lesley was more an in crowd type girl, who was part of my immediate friends in the school. Both of these people knew about glue sniffing, as I given up on my theory of secrecy. Michael had tried it once without anything startling happening. Lesley had no intentions of even beginning.
My philosophy concerning all glue sniffing events were centred on the fun aspect, and taken no further. I did not hold any beliefs, one way or another as to why any of the events witnessed came about. They were just part of a time and place, although it may seem odd to the reader, it wasn't to me. Within the following months the sensations, with the use of glue were to advance in complexity. This caused a rethink to the basic understanding why, and how such matters came about. This different approach proved very important for advancement of my experiences. It being a little way off yet, first I had to face an unsettling period that was to change my life once again.
Jim had decided to take the family on holiday towards the end of the summer. Being in the army he had a two-week break that most service personal take during this period. He chose to visit Kennoway with his leave. As it was a large family we could not all fit in the car. Neville the eldest boy and I went by train unescorted. I looked forward to the trip in two ways. Firstly it was quite exciting traveling such a distance without any supervision. Living in England had been interesting, but in some ways I missed being in Scotland, therefore it would be good to see the place, and my old friends. Jim had arrived before us by a good two hours. On the first night I did not go anywhere, due to feeling tired. This being the same for all the others and we had an early night.
During the middle of that week I went in to Leven, on my own. This being for the intention of getting some glue, and visiting my old haunting grounds. The beach wasn't a practical place to go at this time, due to the holiday trade. In the same vein the old toilet proved busier than usual during that morning, with all the extra people. It would have been possible to use in that location, but not desirable. This created a little dilemma, where to go. After thinking about the problem for a while, the solution came in the shape of some derelict houses not so far away. During my times in Leven there had never been any reason for varying my two locations. In a way as with some changes of circumstances, it proved quite interesting. The building was old, but appeared in reasonable condition, because it had not been empty for so long. The entrance was through a small courtyard into a doorway, without a door. I stayed in the front room, which offered a view to the outside. This was through a broken window, and reason dictated it would be better to see anyone coming towards me, rather than being caught in the act.
On looking around the premises an old bag was found which seemed appropriate. Before coming I had forgotten to bring one with me. It seemed a bit grubby but looked as if it would do under the circumstances. Sitting in a corner on the opposite end from the window made a start. After taking effect the first visualisation became that of a woman climbing in through the window. She wore clothing, as an estimate belonged in the 1930 era. She did not seem aware of my presence. Speaking to her whilst seated brought no response. It became the first time of seeing a full sized three-dimensional person whilst using the substance. Learning from my first experience on the beach I knew it would be a pointless exercise going towards her, so sat back and studded her actions. She was quite young in appearance being smartly dressed, and seemed to be looking for something. Keeping within her half of the building never venture towards me.
I wondered what could be of interest, as that section of the room did not have anything worth a second glance. This went on for a while, and then looking out of the window she called to someone. Leaning outside the frame she picked up two young children, and brought them inside. The children at an estimate would have been aged three or four. They wore clothing belonging to equivalent period as their mother. Both looked at me whilst clinging to her, with faces that were a picture of innocence. I turned my attentions towards them, asking if they would come over and join me. The mother told them to stay with her. She did not look at me once during this period. I stood up, and in doing so noticed patches of glue on my new denim jacket, which had been stolen during a shoplifting expedition in England. This made me really annoyed, for the stain glue leaves on clothing cannot be removed. Normally I would have been more careful in my choice of bag. This time laziness prevailed, therefore a price was paid. The lining gave way at one side, due to deterioration with age, and it had slowly been dripping on to me.
My attention to the visualisation on offer became more focussed than normal. The reason being for the first time I had seen a full dimensional woman. I remember thinking of a possible sexual connection. As it turned out nothing of the sort emerged. At the point of realisation about the glue on my jacket I became really angry. This became the first occasion of loosing my temper whilst using solvents. It caused a change of emphasis, and giving up the cat and mouse game directed my attentions to those who occupied the other side of the room. Looking directly towards them my reactions caused the children to begin cowering. Walking across the room, a distance of no more than fifteen feet they all departed out of the window with uncanny speed, that would have been totally impossible under normal circumstances. Calling a halt to events returned back home.
One point to make about the using an old bag. I did not like the feel of putting something to my face in that condition. This sensation intensified after using the glue. It being an awareness that became better defined whilst inhaling, and it felt dirty. This was really noticeable, but by then too late. I do not mention it to overstate a point. The reason for an evaluation of this kind is more one of its concerns in the emotion department. I believe it's important to understand one's feelings when explaining cause, and effect. I became more in tune with these as time wore on, and they heightened significantly during such occasions towards a better understanding.
The holiday seemed to pass by quickly, and during the second week I made a brief visit to Leven, for the purpose of acquire some glue. This time it involved lifting a tin, initially for use that evening out in the fields in Kennoway. On returning home I found that Jim and Pam were going out for dinner to a restaurant. This changed the conditions a little. Knowing Jimmy, he was bound to let the younger children stay up later than normal. I decide to take a chance and use it in the room. During that holiday I was sleeping in Jimmy's room along with Neville. There were two extra single beds installed, and it made the place a little cramped. After they had gone out for their meal I told Jimmy about fancying an early night. This gave me a good two hours, before anyone should disturb my planned entertainment.
Going upstairs the window was opened fully, trusting to luck in not being caught. As things turned out it wasn't much of a problem, and I was not disturbed once. This proved quite fortuitous, as it happened to be by far the best use of glue ever experienced. It wasn't dark as yet, but the light was switched on to save any inconvenience. My bed was furthest from the door, and the furniture had been moved around, blocking part of my total view of the surroundings. The wallpaper directly in front now became as the screen, in the toilets. The one advantage over my normal limitations was an expansion in size covering the whole area of that room. It could be described as a sort of three-dimensional viewing gallery, within the parameters of a given space. The evening's entertainment came mainly from in front, though very few areas were unused. It started by showing scantily clad women walking about different parts of the room.
Lying in my bed it was quite something to behold. I did not attempt to physically interact with the subjects, because experience had taught the futility of such gestures, more the pity. The first serious of figures were scaled down models of the real thing, and they kept out of arms reach. Being in bed proved the ideal place to watch this from. If there is one subject guaranteed to get my whole attention, it's sex. Thinking back to the sequence of events in more detail, the whole evening session became based on sexual manipulation. That in its self-proved unusual, and as a method of presentation, a potent tool. After the tone had been set, there appeared in the wallpaper another female who looked at me in a suggestive manor. This one appeared more lifelike than her predecessors did. It was however still a cartoon figure. The wallpaper being of a light colour in this new state of perception it had depth to its two dimensional configuration. At the time I never looked on this with any interest, as sexual thoughts were my main desire. The girl started running towards my direction from a depth within the wall. I looked on with eager anticipation, hoping she would come to me. Approaching the dividing line that separated my physical environment, from this other. She was prevented in leaving by an octopus like tentacle that grabbed her around the waist.
This became a personal disaster. I imagine the expression on my face would have been the same as some child who's just had its favourite toy taken away. My reaction to this, I believe was of the highest importance. Never before had I directly interacted with my visions, but then the incentives had not been this high. To put it another way, the carrot was placed in front of the donkey, and it did the trick. With my mind I mentally grabbed hold of the girl and dragged her towards me. This appeared to work, that is until the tentacle pulled back. We became enveloped in a tug of war situation, and it developed into a form of stalemate. My next action was more profound. I mentally directed thoughts towards the tentacle, and cut if off. This proved successful as the limb fell from her waist, and she smiled in a way that offered a thousand fantasies in one alluring expression. Walking towards me, slowly I believed all my birthdays, and Christmases had come at once.
Life seldom produces such easy conquests, and my alternate existence it did not give up this ethic without a fight, and put another tentacle around her. I cut it off, and repeated the action more times than any beast of its nature should have. I did not know what to do any more, and lost the total commitment which had consumed my being, just a short while ago. In lessening these attentions it caused me to notice other things happening in the room. In the time it took to look at these, the object in front did not have the same importance. I gave up on it as a lost cause.
As mentioned the whole evening was directed towards sex. A funny incident happened shortly after, concerned a French maid caricature. She was relatively small, and dusted around my bed. The counterpane had become slightly ruffled in certain places, and this created a gap between it and the rest of my bedclothes. In a brief instant she appeared to enter one of these spaces. It was so quick, that at first took me by surprise. Pulling the blanket to one side and looking around in the hope of finding her proved rather elusive. The wallpaper continued being an interesting feature all night, as it constantly offered something new. This took place in other areas of the surroundings, as my attentions where focussed on that directly in my line of vision.
A good example being a particular incident which distracted one train of thought. In the right hand corner of the room, I began to hear singing that was unmistakably female. My view of this side happened to be blocked by a wardrobe, placed in such a way to facilitate the extra beds. As it continued curiosity forced me out of bed, to see whom it was coming from. The effort proved certainly worthwhile. That which appeared in the line of vision was by far, the most attractive proposition of the night. It being a woman dressed in a showgirl's outfit that stood in a pose that took my breath away. The size was scaled down, but it made no difference to her captivating abilities. My attraction to this effigy was the strongest of the night, and there did not appear any way to attract her towards me. By then at least two hours had passed, and its duration would have exceeded any previous sessions. Glue like alcohol has a tolerance level, although circumstances could have allowed me to carry on, it involved pushing my luck. The most important factor of these increased the risk of detection. By creating a little time in removing any trace of the fumes, it would have rounded of a perfect night. By then darkness had fallen, and before switching off the light my tin was closed, then along with the bag it was hidden under the bed.
I walked over to the light and turned it off. What happened next took me completely by surprise. Instead of seeing darkness in the room, it became a myriad of coloured shapes. For a few seconds my bearings were lost, and only through feeling around were it possible to gain a perspective of my location. The first object that gave a semblance of normality was Jimmy's bed. After steadying myself it took a few seconds for my eyes to accustom themselves with the normal darkness of the room. Intermingled within this these colours were still in place, an irregular block similar to crazy paving. I edged myself along the line of beds and lay down frontward, with my face covered by the pillow. In the darkness of the mind's eye I expected normality to return. This concept proved far from being the case.
The shapes and colours that offered partiality visibility now appeared in their fullest extent. I was in some sort of tunnel, which consisted of many colours, and they appeared similar to neon, only purer. These conditions under normal circumstances would have effected my vision, but it became apparent shortly afterwards normal sight had nothing to with it. My initial recognition only lasted a few seconds, because whatever function in my body witnessed this began to move. The simplest description would be to say, an area of my consciousness occupied a space hither to unknown, and travelled within it. At first the take of speed was slow, but within a short space of time it built up, and reached a constant. There were no sensations of travelling at high speed, such as wind resistance, or any physical reaction, but I certainly was there. At its peak the colours became blurred, then faded away as the potency of the glue left my mind, and normal darkness returned. The whole event could not have lasted very long, because the residual experiences of the fumes will only continue for around a minute at maximum, after inhalation ceases.
This occasion had been of the highest importance, although its relevance wasn't grasped, as perhaps it should have been. By increased my capabilities through mentally altering this environment. On the night it became simply a matter of wanting the girl, with sex as an incentive. The tunnel of coloured lights were in fact the beginning of another journey to be to make at a later stage, for its end had not been reached. Unwittingly I had attained another level, in terms of experience. This was to be made clear, in the not too distant future.
Awareness’ of another life
At home I was beginning to run into problems. It had been noticed the amount of clothing in my wardrobe had increased since arrival. This became difficult to explain away. Stupidly I gave the denim jacket, with the glue stains to Pam for washing. She went off her head. To manage this problem I made a point of keeping out of the house as much as possible. With a tense atmosphere now in place it caused an unhappiness from within that became a standard feature. To take my mind of the oppressive situation I would quite often get hold of some glue, and go into the woods. On one of these days something happened a little out of the ordinary.
I was now taking more caution than ever, to reduce any chance of being caught. My walks into the forest were deeper that before, to keep unwelcome eyes away. It became very hot towards the end of that summer, and this day proved no exception finding it quite humid, deep within the woods. Sitting down on a clump of earth, slightly higher than the ground I made a start. This part of the forest was thickly planted, with nothing else in sight. It seemed very much the same all around that area. I soon became aware of something happening to me whilst looking around the terrain, as it changed. With my eyes open I was visualising another type of woodland.
This appeared very different to the place my physical body occupied, just but a few seconds ago. The trees were thinner and more openly spaced, also the ground was of a different structure. Accompanying this became an overbearing desire not to move from my seated position. This created a strong emotional response that obliged me to remain in that spot. I complied knowing the choice was a free one. It became so strange that to describe the situation with mere words is an inadequacy. At this point my body had not moved. Turning my head slowly, I began witnessing an alternate landscape, to anything, which should have been there. My eyes were looking around the area in which the physical body inhabited, but saw nothing they should have. Even the feel to land was different.
To one side on a downhill stretch it became possible to see a fast flowing river. This had a concrete wall along either of the banks within my line of vision that must have been installed to prevent erosion. My initial sighting of this had began to its right, and following the path downward to the left just over half way I could see a boy looking into the water. He appeared to be in some distress. The clothing on his body was not from this time, it being a tweed suit with Knickerbockers trousers. As an estimate I would say it came from the 1920 period. The cause of his anxiety concerned another boy who had fallen in the water. He was battling against impossible odds, and the efforts proved futile. The currant was very strong and carried him down the river, with his friend chasing in the hope he may be of some assistance.
They departed from the field of vision, and I was left watching an empty landscape once again. Shortly afterwards my normal sight returned, and all that remained concerned an atmosphere which could almost be touched. It left me in awe. I put the bag on the ground, and walked away. I knew this sequence of events witnessed through other eyes, but, did not understand why this should be so. The setting, its river and the boys were familiar. From the point of conception it offered more than being a spectator, it became interlocked with my identity, or part of some unknown aspect within my personality. It left me feeling disturbed on the return journey home. This being the first occasion since using glue it had caused any emotion of that nature to surface. I tried making sense of these events, and couldn't. It was by no stretch of the imagination a normal experience of the kind associated within the standard format. The purpose seemed different, almost a revelation. In describing it, I must stress the importance of feeling, with the emotional upsurge becoming significant. It took me to a new level in terms of involvement, which befitted the occasion.
At home things were going from bad to worse. We had started back at school, and during the first week on the Friday after returning home a major argument developed between Pam and myself. The ends result being she said I was not wanted in the house. Until then my course of actions had seemed uncertain. It now offered only one alternative, and that involved leaving the house there and then. In a way it proved quite sad, for all the recent upheavals were back in place and the new way of life had been short lived. Funnily enough I had wanted to make a go of this and in my own way tried within certain limitations, still that was past and something would have to be sorted out fairly soon. Going upstairs an extra pair of trousers were put on, and a tube of glue was recovered from its hiding place. Before leaving I explained my predicament to Neville the eldest son about going away. He seemed to understand, and then all that remained was to walk out of the house. London seemed an obvious place to go, so I went to the nearest town with a train station. After telling the guard I was expecting someone, he let me wait for this non-existent person. The circumstances were fairly good as no one else was around, and it allowed me to use part of my tube without too much trouble. Considering the situation thus, it turned out to be a good session. The platform had an older feel to it, which became reflected during the twenty minutes, or so waiting time until the train would come. At first the song Lucy in the sky with diamonds could be heard. This seemed a funny choice because although I now like the Beetles, at that time they held no interest for me.
The station transformed its outlay, depicting an earlier part of this century. I could see a porter dressed in attire becoming that era. He was a cartoon caricature with cobwebs hanging off him. It looked very funny just then considering the importance of my situation. All of his business was tackled in a slow, drawn out manor with the pipe he was smoking a prominent feature. His whole persona gave off comical overtones, and on seeing this I laughed out loudly. Following him were some policemen dressed in costumes from that period, and they asked the guard if he had seen a runaway. I was sitting on a bench, no more than twenty yards from their position. They had bloodhounds in tow to search for this person. It proved a very comical set up. There became alertness in purpose, and searching for this runaway had an element of pomposity about it, looking in every place apart from my location. It seemed light-hearted, and the mood of the sketch was appreciated. At that time it helped ease my burden, although I do not wish to state glue sniffing became a substitute to the difficulties of normal life. This proved an unusual situation, and helped deal with a problem in a relaxed sort of way.
Back in care again
During the middle of the week one of the staff took me shopping. The clothing order was for specific items, but the choice became my own. After picking all that I was getting, the last shop by manipulation happened to be near the glue depot. Asking the staff member if I could go to the toilet, he waited by the shop for my return. It did not take long to get the tube, and come back without drawing suspicion. We walked up the road towards the home. This left a feeling of contentment on both fronts. The tube was kept until that evening, as I was hoping to use it inside the building. The difference between an outdoor session, and an indoor one became quite substantial in construction. The choice of location usually depended on my preference, and how safe it would be to use in the presence of others. On this occasion a chance was taken indoors. I chose my timings carefully, knowing the routines that evening of the staff and boys. There is a lull in activities before bedtime, with the boys in the television room, or games area. The staffs are usually in a relaxed frame of mind, unless there had been trouble. On this evening everything was fine. Picking the toilets as my location opted for the middle cubical. The area of the toilets and showers were quite large, therefore my assumption being if anyone came it would give me time to sort out any problems.
This session proved slightly different in format, than I had been used to. It was very detailed, and stayed with a subject for longer than normal. As mentioned the events seen recently were getting better, but this one contained a higher level of complexity than previous incidents. Within the door of the cubical a cartoon format came onto the surface. It involved an arm wrestling competition. There appeared a queue of people waiting to take on the champion, who was seated at a large table in a forest setting. The man at the table looked like Bluto from the Popeye cartoons, only he was larger. The champion took on the various challenges one after another, and beat them all. These men were also represented as being bulky, but none had the stature of the champion. As the competitors moved down the line, I could see a representation of Bruce Lee taking his turn with the others. He waited behind the largest challenger of all. Shortly before it was his turn he looked towards me with an expression on his face, which said, “ Well I will give it a go'. It was now the turn of the man in front. Bruce patted him on the back, and they shook hands. This showed the difference in their physical sizes.
The challenger appeared almost as big as his opponent did, and as he locked in battle put up the best performance yet. Bruce was shouting in his support, and the contest lasted longer than any previous challenge. It proved a valiant effort, but he too lost. It was now Bruce's turn. After he sat at the table it became possible to judge the difference in these two characters physical statures. It appeared a miss match of such immense proportions, that it caused me to wonder why it should be taking place. If I were to watch a cartoon on television and viewed such a sketch, the reality factor would not have entered my head. This however wasn't the case. Under these conditions, instead of just watching I was part of the setting, and that changed my whole perspective to the contest.
The two figures locked arms and began to take the strain. In the early seventies Bruce Lee had developed cult status, and I admired his capabilities as a fighter. This however did not change reality. The competitors started making their attempts to defeat each other. At first there seemed little movement one way or the other, and the signs of strain could be seen on their faces. I watched this with interest, and at first mentally began supporting Bruce's efforts. Against the concepts of belief, he started doing well. Both characters pushed each other’s arm towards the table. Seeing this I could not accept the outcome, and gave up my support for Bruce. The set changed, and returned to a recurrent theme of my visions. That of the naked men with babies attached, being dragged along the floor.
At that very point footsteps could be heard entering the toilet. As an automatic reaction the bag was folded over, and I remained silent. Whoever it was stopped, then came up to the toilet door and knocked. The voice belonged to one of the older staff members called Mac. He called my name, and then asked me to come out. It appeared obvious he knew what was going on, as the smell would have been quite strong around that area. The only way I could think of saving the bag was to put it down the inside of my pants, and hope for the best. I flushed the toilet whilst doing this to cover up the sound, and then opened the door. The staff at the home knew about my glue sniffing, and this became the first time any one of them had come onto contact with it. He asked were the glue was. I told him it had been flushed down the toilet, after hearing him come. He gave me a quick search, not looking in the place it was located. Accepting this was the case told me the headmaster would be informed in the morning. It happened to be close to bedtime, and under the circumstances suggested going up early.
I walked along the corridor and up the stairs with the greatest of care. The glue began to tingle my skin through the bag. I did not know how this could be, but once out of sight quickly pulled the bag out and transferred it to my pocket. Once in the dormitory the remaining substance was put under the bed for use when everyone was asleep. I waited until the night watchman checked our room, as he did most evenings at a certain time then began. Unfolding the bag, it appeared my entertainment would be short lived. Most of the glue had been used up in the toilets, still it should have been at least ten minutes worth. By that stage I could roughly guess the life span of the substance in a bag. There had been three previous occasions in which it had been used in bed. One of these concerned the hours of daylight. The second had been in similar circumstances to these, with a little glue left. The last involved a time in Scotland, which proved to be an eventful night. As before the texture of the bed changed shortly after beginning. This time it became more profound than the last, and I underwent a set of emotional experiences.
On the whole it was unlike me to enjoy sensations through the sense of touch, or to derive pleasure from my innermost self. Being British it is not the done thing to search, or express emotion. I like many other people have been brought up this way. It took me by surprise when this happened, but I did not resist and enjoyed feeling the sheets, bed and my body. It being an awakening to something I previously only had a partial awareness of. My perception was contained within this small area surrounding me, and under the circumstances wasn’t interested in anything else, until something caught my attention. When in bed at night if the sheets cover you, there is certain darkness that surrounds your environment. Whilst wallowing in my newfound sense of being, I looked into the obscurity and noticed it appeared different. Until that point I had not heard, or seen anything associated with my normal experiences. This caused a diversion in attentions away from the self, to my surroundings. At the time it caused a slight annoyance, as I would have been quite happy to use up the remainder of the glue, on nothing more than this experience. My surrounding darkness seemed to have depth to it. At first no features were visible to judge what I was looking at, but it was definitely different. It appeared as if I was in a large cave, which only had minimal light within. This being so did not allow any perspective to be aware of the boundaries.
I had by then given up on the self-indulgence and focussed my full attention on the new situation. The first change to this environment came in the manor of an instrumental tune, which was of a repetitive nature. It seemed to be coming from within the space. Shortly afterwards whilst this music was still playing, a silhouette shape of a man appeared before me. He had no features to his body, only yellow outline. The shape facing me turned around and began to run. My alter ego, which viewed this, began to follow at a set distance. This action took me away from the point of origin, and in doing so gave an awareness of the surroundings. The silhouette started running towards some pillars of light in the distance. He passed the first of these, and I followed shortly afterwards. It appeared similar to an obelisk of pure neon. The pillars put my environment into a more manageable perspective, although no end could be seen to this space, it did not matter. The mere fact of witnessing this from an internal position contained the important ingredient.
These pillars were large in comparison to my being, and in passing each one gave ample time to study them. They contained the primary colours, and were three-dimensional. The pureness appeared quite spectacular, almost unnatural. I must have passed six of these, and then everything began to fade. The glue in my bag had lost its potency, and shortly afterwards the normal darkness returned. Until now if I had been seeing anything whilst using glue, it was presented in such a way that it occupied my physical environment. By this I mean the visions superimposed on actual physical objects. At certain times I had glanced into their source, but had never been able to view a situation from inside this environment. What effectively happened tonight created a bridge over the threshold, and more importantly I recognised this was so.
The following morning I was called into Mr. Gibbons office, he being the headmaster to discuss my glue sniffing in the toilets. It had been the first time of causing any trouble in the home, and because of my previous dealings with people in authority I expected you shouldn't do this and that routine. Much to my surprise he approached the subject from a different objective. This was more like an informal chat, with the emphasis on why I used it. My answer if asked yesterday, would have been different from today. Saying little about the experience side, we just talked in generalisations. He did not pressure me in any way and the matter became left at that. I was impressed at his attitude, and found it on the whole a better response than normal. Even as we were speaking my thoughts revolved around the quickest possible way to get out and acquire some.
During the next three or four days it proved impossible to get into the town, without causing a major problem. My chance came when one of the staff wanted a hand carrying something from the shops. As he uttered these words I jumped up to offer my assistance before anyone could say anything. The particular shop was not so close to the large department store. I had to run quite a distance to get there, and back within reasonable time. Once in the shop it did not allow time to worry about the normal precautions. The best that could be managed involved a quick look around. Taking a tin put it inside my jacket, trusting to luck. As it turned out everything was fine, and returned without arousing any suspicion. Before meeting up I transferred the tin under my armpit, and walked back to the home slightly uncomfortably. It was hidden in my dormitory, with the metal undercover removed to avoid causing any problems at night. Returning to normal life waited the evening to come.
It became a long day going through the rituals, and my mind was not on any of these. In the classrooms I tried to comprehend what a three dimensional environment would be like. If by judging what happened on the previous occasion as a guide, it should be very interesting. We finished classes and had our evening meal. The rest of the night was spent in the television room trying to take my mind off the situation. Our normal bedtime being ten o’clock I went to the dormitory before this, checking everything was in order. The tin could be felt inside the pillowcase resting on my head. I watched the others come into the room, and go to bed. All that now remained involved a waiting period, for everything to settle down. The nearest I can recall to being this excited was during Christmas, as the presents were given out.
The time before commencement became savoured, waiting for just the right moment. It had now come. The life span of a tin was in excess of six hours if used continuously. I had never gone much beyond two hours before, but tonight it seemed quite conceivable to exceed that record. After pouring out the glue I went under the sheets and started. My attention from the outset became focussed on the darkness surrounding me. As it took effect a difference became perceived, in depth and shade. The only change being minuet specks of colour seen within this space, with nothing else outstanding. Coming from beyond my bed, in the area of the dormitory a song could be heard drifting through the sheets towards me. The first line developed after the musical introduction 'This is your golden day'. Because this happened it caused me to pull back the bedclothes, to find the source of the music. Looking around the dormitory I was completely taken aback. The whole room had been transformed into something more resembling a palace, than a ten-bedded area for naughty boys.
The bland setting now had furniture, from different time periods appearing in front of my very eyes. These were superimposed within the existing structures of the room. Where a bed stood, more elaborate four-poster versions moulded around these. It's design looked authentic to my limited knowledge of antiques. The change affected all aspects of my environment. The carpet became multi-patterned, having a depth and quality that would never fall within the budget of a local authority. The ceiling altered to a much-decorated area, with additional plaster patterns all around. That, which had once been lights, was now a chandelier. To see this was to look at a real chandelier. Curtains adorned the new design windows, and the whole imagery became quite stunning. After my first good look, the room was filled with golden speckles falling down from the ceiling. This tied in with the song. It indeed was a golden day.
The whole set began changing before my eyes, that is every aspect that had been previously witnessed. The beds, chandeliers, windows, curtains and carpets, all assumed different designs. None of these were of a lesser quality, just alternative pieces. The total transformation would take around twenty seconds, and begin over again. It was all very stunning. The complexities on display proved extremely impressive. Other events happened in the room as the changes were going on. One of these concerned an elongated style of cinema screen that appeared in front above my head, showing a film similar to One Hundred And One Dalmatians. It being in cartoon format, concerning spotted dogs. This wasn't an extract copy from the original film, more a likeness. It did have one aspect of difference and that was in quality, it appeared much better. It would be impossible to remember all of the events that happened, during the first sequence of my education that evening. It was like taking a deprived little boy, dropping him in Disneyland with a free pass to go were he pleased. It proved so spectacular that I would not have believed it could get more diverse. I was wrong.
This show had taken my mind off the original intention. Going back under the bedclothes, a whole New World awaited me. That which had been a black cavern was now filled with light, combined with imagery. I began seeing well beyond my physical space, it was totally awe-inspiring. Ahead in the distance appeared a large set of gates that opened shortly before coming to them. Going inside there were many buildings surrounding me. One of these was consciously chosen and some part of me went towards it. As well as seeing a different environment to that which my body occupied, I had to come to terms with moving independently. This combined with looking at objects, not with my eyes, but some other function that I had been only partially aware of up till now. That is quite a simple explanation of my immediate recognition, in conjunction with this place that my alter ego inhabited. The building in front had a door to one side, and moving towards this it opened to let my presence in.
It appeared to be a backroom that housed stage props, because everything in the room seemed authentic. I noticed two men working, moving various items about. Both of them were aware of me, or whatever version was on display. The men were dressed in clothing that belonged to the nineteen twenties, or thirties. From the limited visions seen until then, it gave an appearance of America during this period. I moved closer towards them, and in doing so they stepped aside to let my mass enter the space they had occupied. I knew instinctively not to try and touch them, for whatever part of me occupied another perception did not have hands as such. It did however accompany a presence that felt human. Being in a new environment did not warrant any sudden actions, and I was feeling my way around, carefully. The two men continued working, and at one point wanted to come back to the place they had been previously. By simply thinking about moving backwards, it happened. They did not seem at ease with me being there. Nothing extraordinary happened during that time, unless you count just being there. I wondered what was happening back in the dormitory. Lifting the bedclothes it appeared as before, constantly changing. The range of furniture going through the room was quite astounding. Each of the ten beds was of a different design, not all four posters.
I had returned to the stage area that was now minus the people. There appeared something odd about them, thinking back to the previous encounter. They looked real enough, that is all there features, sizes and mannerisms were identical to a normal body and compared in visualisation to anything I had seen whilst using glue. It is hard to put this into words. The imagery lacked something that is unmistakably human, and did not possess that quality. There seemed little point in staying in a deserted building, and moving across to another door went outside.
I saw a road that could have come from a major city in America during the early part of the century. The buildings and surrounding fittings were exact, as one could have imagined them from this period, however it was not real in the true sense of the word. On this street there were people and vehicles corresponding with the setting. I moved up the pavement and encountered people walking along to the side of me, as you would find in any street setting. The differences were striking in a number of fundamental ways. The first noticeable one being it seemed very quiet for such a large area. As I came upon these individuals going about their business, each looked at me without saying anything. Continuing onwards watching the people gave a chance to study them closely. They wore clothing from that era, and were all very smartly dressed. It was evening, but did not have the ambience of such an occasion.
The first car I came upon was a black limousine. Crossing on to the road, it was a real car in every sense of the word. There were however detectable differences, the first of these being it was in pristine condition. No indications were visible that informed me as to its make, or model. Without any badges or labels it could not be distinguished from any other black limousine. One other little pointer being the lack of exhaust fumes from a running engine. These changes to one's concepts were very apparent, but not so important as to make me think different about the events on display. It appeared more like creating an imbalance to one's perception.
My total attention had been focussed on the many occurrences going on around me at the time. All of my presence was encapsulated within this environment, which proved to be fascinating. Until that point there had been no concern about anything seen, or the fact that some part of me inhabited another space. For some reason that was totally unknown I began to feel uneasy. This happened suddenly, and nothing could be detected which should cause this to be so. Carrying on up the road it grew to such a point that I could not concentrate on anything going around me just then. It became such a strong sense that I eventually found it impossible continuing through this setting. Pulling back the sheets my concern switched from the bed to the dormitory, wondering if there was anything that could account for this uncanny sensation. I did not have to look very far to find the answer to my problems. All the changes stopped, and it had returned back to a normal bedroom. I only noticed this however for a few seconds, as there was something else in the room looking at me. Standing by the doorway was a being not from this earth.
With my many experiences through the use of glue, from the beginning until this time I had witnessed numerous events, settings, and people. In all of these cases I had never accepted the subject matters being alive, in the same context as life that is known to me. They had been visions, copies or representations. Even the more extreme times, such as the boy drowning in the fast flowing river became a depiction of an event. This however was in no way, the same as any of these. I was looking at a life form that could not be mistaken as a fabrication. It was formed in a similar way to the human shape, being at an estimate five feet six tall. My judgements of its size came from seeing it standing within the doorway. Its colour was green, with a larger than normal head in comparison to the body. I could not see ears as one overwhelming part of the face caught my total attention that was the eyes. Everything else became unimportant after staring into those. They held within their gaze intelligence, which seemed so overpowering, I could not come to terms with the differences in our statures. I panicked, and acted like an ostrich facing a problem beyond its comprehension. Pulling the bedclothes over my entire body stopped doing anything. Staying there for two, or three minutes remained motionless. From the first sighting until my demise could not have lasted more than ten seconds? So much for being Mr cool in the face of adversity.
It is funny looking back on the event to those things I did not remember, such as was the being wearing any clothes. To this day that cannot be visualised, it is something that should have stuck out a mile. One other quandary-concerned lapses of memory associated with the time spent under the bedclothes. This I imagine was to do with being in shock, it had caught me off guard in a big way. It is important to stress how real this was to me at the time. I did not know what I was dealing with, but it was certainly way and above anything experienced, getting to know this other existence. By the time my faculties had been regained, I was clenching the bag tightly. The effects of the glue had worn off, and my next decision to be made involved venturing out, or not. Pulling the bedclothes from my face, there was only one area in the room that interested me. That, which had been the most astounding spectacle in my life, was no longer there.
It is not necessary to understand the mechanisms of something, to enjoy it. Between the ages of thirteen and fifteen I did not consider fundamental issue very deeply, life was about fun. This being my philosophy until challenged by more pressing realities. Tonight had brought about one of these challenges. That, which had been seen standing by the door, did not just appear as another vision. It created a build up, which affected me in a strong way, before even laying eyes on it. This being no coincidence, it was designed to show that which I was dealing with, and certainly achieved the purpose. My next decision involved a more serious matter, and that was should I carry on. Once you have opened Pandora’s box, there is no turning back. I felt it imperative to continue.
Reopening the bag still held tightly within my hands, I sat upright in the bed. My gaze was directed towards the door whilst inhaling the fumes. After regaining an awareness level, the room remained unchanged. That which revealed its form did not returned. There had been very few instances whilst using glue that nothing appeared different. I could not understand that why after a flurry of activity, everything had gone flat. Keeping my attentions within the room for some time did not alter anything. I stayed longer than normal in an uninteresting position, just in case something unusual happened. It did not appear anything of the sort would come about. The only other option involved returning under the sheets.
Having done this I was now seeing a different landscape than had previously been shown. The setting now viewable consisted of two prominent objects. I was in a large cavern with a stationary escalator, which had no visible end. After seeing this I found myself placed upon the escalator, which began to move upwards very slowly. Looking around this landscape on either side, the only structure that could be seen was the dull blue walls. I stayed in this position for quite some time, expecting some form of change. It just trundled onwards, without the slightest difference. After what appeared in excess of ten minutes, I became very bored of these conditions. Because it was a totally strange environment, any action I could take may have brought about unknown consequence, even so traveling on this road to nowhere seemed pointless.
Coming out from under the bedclothes it was hoped something would be occurring in the dormitory. The room only had one change to its otherwise normal furnishings, and that was a full-scale escalator going from the centre of the room to the ceiling. On seeing this it began to move upwards, at an even slower rate than its counterpart. From the comfort of my bed I watched this boring spectacle, with a disbelief, which could not have been foreseen that long ago. Going back underneath, nothing had changed. To compare the heightened pleasure first achieved during the beginning of the evening, to the frustration now felt covered both extremes in one's emotions.
Whist back on the escalator, I started to think of other times associated whilst using glue in the past. One of these occasions involved a particularly good session in Scotland in which I wanted to physically touch a girl that was coming out of the wallpaper. Because the desire existed to attain, the unattainable I mentally interacted with my environment, causing physical changes to that set. I wondered if by trying this again, could it have the same effect. My plan centred on stopping the escalator, and the first idea that came into my head involved placing a metal bar across its path in front of me. No sooner had this concept been formulated, it became a reality.
The escalator stopped moving shortly before my presence came upon the bar. It proved very pleasing to have achieved it, although the relevance of the action did not strike me at the time. My smugness was soon overtaken by surprise, when a voice said, 'Well done William'. The sound of this voice appeared as if close by, but I could not detect its source. This did not allow any time for further searching, as my whole environment changed. Instead of an escalator I now found myself in an elevator with its doors wide open. Looking out of these was a bottomless tract, downwards this time. It started to move on what could only describe as an endless journey. After a few seconds I thought about placing the bar in my path to stop its progress. Once again after completion the voice congratulated me. I listened closely to the structure of the sound trying to detect some form of accent, or tone that would give an indication as to the orientation. It was spoken in perfect English who gave no hint to any of my ideas. Once again the set changed, this time to some form of obstacle course.
There became one major difference between it and a normal circuit. My participation involved thinking a way through the various obstacles. At first this seemed relatively easy, as the initial objectives proved to be of a simple nature. After the third it became gradually more difficult to mentally react with my environment. The speed in which the problems had to be dealt with, plus the complication factor became too intricate for me to handle. When this point had been reached, giving up in my attempt the remainder of the course passed me by. At certain times in my sequence of writings there will come situations that are difficult to transfer on to paper. This is one such instance. In describing an event such as the course passing me, I cannot draw a similar comparison in real terms to the reader.
I found myself back in the stage prop room. The transfer from one scene to another happened instantaneously, without any form of fading from one to the other. The two men had returned and were working as before. One of them spoke directly to me asking the location of the box was he looking for. I replied no. This answer had come from me, though not spoken verbally. I thought the word that came across clear as any speech pattern from my own mouth. This was turning out to be an extraordinary night. From the first day of using solvents I could create sound effects, and tunes, but at no time in the past had I ever been able to master the art of speaking with my thoughts. It felt quite strange to do this, almost like uttering a foreign language for the first time, where you say the words but are unsure of their soundings.
I had been using glue in the region of three hours by then. At some point during the experience I must have fallen asleep. It was now morning, and the boys were getting up. Unbeknown to me the bag of glue had spilled out over the bedclothes, my pyjamas and hair. It was particularly bad timing when I found this out, as a staff member came into room to wake up the stragglers. Trying to get out bed proved difficult, with various items stuck to my person. One of the boys became the first to notice my predicament, and let out a loud laugh. It must have been quite funny because I was trying to be inconspicuous, which proved impossible. When the staff member saw me he had a look of amazement on his face. After separating the unwanted items, I was taken straight down to see the headmaster in his office. It turned out to be an informal telling off, with more emphasis put of why I did this.
The headmaster’s wife happened to be with him at the time, and she cut the chunks of glue out of my hair. The only comeback in the way of a punishment involved having to pay for the sheets to be cleaned. They were under the impression glue stains could be removed. I knew otherwise. During breakfast my exploits were the main topic of discussion that morning. What surprised me was how careless I had been last night, this being caused by the astounding set of circumstances surrounding the whole event. It was certainly something that should never be repeated.
Well, what to make of the whole episode. It certainly involved a quantum jump in terms of experience. I think the best way to describe my understanding is to deal with the issues of that time. It would be inappropriate of me to say I understood what appeared to be going on, for I did not. If there became an outcome to last night it was certainly to disregard the idea of an over active imagination boosted by a stimulus. The events were patterned, and purposeful. They were presented in a complex manor not only beyond my imagination, but anyone's. It caused a major rethink of the many events that happened during all of my glue sniffing exploits. My brain was working overtime through the rest of that day trying to comprehend something way beyond understanding. It certainly made sense of circumstances, which had been until then a complete mystery.
COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.