Citation: Helios. "As Far as the Eye Can Sea: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (5x & 20x extracts) (exp58402)". Erowid.org. Oct 11, 2007. erowid.org/exp/58402
Am I real? That is the question which hounds many theoretical cosmologists and philosophers alike. It is a question for the ages. How can one determine if the experiences and objects which we see around us are truly matter. Are matter and space the only things which make up the universe or is there more? After my experience with Lady Sally, this question has been with me ever since. Unconsciously, it is always in the back of my mind.
My relationship with Sally is brief. I have only experienced its effects twice. The first time I smoked it was just a taste of the journey that I would experience later. I was smoking 5X leaf with a couple of friends of mine. There had been some light drinking in the hours before the event. I was not quite sure what to expect from this strange leaf which I had heard so much about. I’ve heard different things from different people, but the common consensus was “intense.” I try to think of myself as an calm, collected, open minded individual, so naturally I was intrigued and excited that I was going to experience it for myself. Sitting outside at a table we actually loaded the leaf into a hookah, which for me made it seem much more exotic and mystical. As the coals sparked the finally became hot, my friend finally was able to take the first dose. Not yet affected by the smoke which was still swirling through his lounges, every blood cell transporting a little more of the Salvanorin A to even the most remote regions of his brain, he finally exhaled and passed the hose to me.
I let all the air out of my lungs slowly, placed the tip of the hose to my lips, and began to slowly inhale, just as if I was leisurely smoking a decadent mixture of melon and strawberry tobacco. After my lungs could hold no more, removed the hose from my lips, and leaned back in my chair, holding in the smoke until my lungs couldn’t bare it any longer. After exhaling, the effects, quite rapidly by the way, took affect. Suddenly the perspective of everything changed. Things seemed more two dimensional and shifted out of position into a Picasso like arrangement of bushes and trees which lay about the yard. I could hear my breathing quite loudly, and had a very strange sensation from swallowing and talking.
I hastily got up from the table and rushed to the corner of the yard by the gate, confused and a little anxious of the reality which I was now taking part in. I could see my two friends on the other side of the yard stumbling around, one of them grabbing and examining different leaves from a bush shouting “I’m an herbalist! I’m an Herbalist!” It actually would’ve looked pretty funny to an observer. Slowly things started to shift back into position, my voice started to sound likes its old self, and I was only left with a slight tingling like a limb recirculateing itself after a long period of restricted blood flow.
This first experience was fairly mild. I was fully conscious the entire time, only with a dramatic change in perspective and thought process. I wasn’t quite sure what to think of my first taste of salvia. I asked my self “Was that fun? I’m not sure. Maybe.” I couldn’t decide if I was enthralled, horrified, or indifferent. I was kind of just nothing. Regardless this set me on the path toward my second and final experience, which would teach me the true meaning of “theogen.”
My second experience came some time later. The main difference between this experience and the last, was the potency of the leaf. This time we would be smoking 20X leaf. Those few digits between “5” and “20” mean the difference between an uncomfortable feeling in my mouth, to completely detaching from this known universe into a realm which I frankly may not want to have any part of. I was in the back yard of the same house when we loaded a nice sized bowl of 20X leaf into the hookah again. We had two new comers this time who would be coming in at the end of the rotation. After the coals were ignited, the hose passed from the first person, to the next, and then to me. I took a generous puff, and was planning on a second in attempts to explore the limits of my consciousness, but the second hit was not necessary. In fact before the hose was even out of my hand I was quickly being transported to a dimension not of our universe.
At first I felt affects similar to that of the 5x leaf, but this stage lasted not but half a second and my mind quickly transcended from the restrictions of matter and space. At the moment that I was passing through the gateway from this reality, to the other side, everything seemed to turn to static, or T.V “snow” from a channel that is not coming in. The whole journey was shrouded by a very frightening sense that one, the place of plane of reality which I was traveling to was “real” but could be reached by other consciousnesses and by different means than salvia, and two, that I was not supposed to go there. I felt myself trying to hang on to my world, to my universe of matter and space, but I was being pulled to into this grotesque monstrosity of an existence made up of only consciousnesses of pure energy and space.
After a short struggle the transfer was complete, suddenly and inexplicably. I had a body, surprisingly, but I could tell that it was not real and simply a projection of energy produced from a residual retention of the reality of my previous existence. I had some kind of form yes, but I was encased in some kind of orange mass, which I was some how submerged in from the waste up. The orange mass was just some form of energy which was holding me in place. I focused my perception on the rest of the space around me and perceived, in I guess what you could call a form of vision, other consciousnesses all around me, all incased in the orange mass of energy from the waste up, and organized into perfect rows and columns. If I looked around me all I could see was a never ending sea of consciousnesses, the whole mass was rippling in a wave like motion if I looked far enough ahead.
At first I perceived it as a random assortment of various consciousnesses the likes of which I could not comprehend and I was definitely not supposed to interact with. My consciousness began to feel the human feeling of anxiety and started to feel what I my physical self would have called fear. The scariest thing was that as I looked at the “people” next to me I could tell they knew I wasn’t supposed to be there and they were talking to me. Everyone was talking, and the eeriest most frightening thing was the conversations resembled a casual conversation that people would have on earth, as if this is how these beings lived, forever incased in the rippling mass of energy in an existence which my mind couldn’t possibly grasp or comprehend. My consciousness began to remember more and more what fear felt like, and I felt a desperation to get out of this place that I didn’t understand. But I couldn’t rip my energy away from the orange mass. I began to cry out feeling that I may not be able to cross back over and that I would have to stay hear forever not knowing the mechanics or physics of a strange universe in which matter doesn’t exist and pure energies live connected by a force, and live together in a grotesque form of society.
I felt earthly sensations in my “stomach” as the Sea rose and fell. I felt as if the entire mass was moving in some kind of direction, expect for the fact that motion was not possible being as the single unified mass of souls was the only thing that existed. I was moving but not moving. I was moving relative to nothing. I started to give into hopelessness as my “stomach” churned with the motion and in incessant chattering to the monstrosity of existences which were interacting with one another all around me, when I noticed that the consciousness next to me was exactly the same as the consciousness in front of “him”. I looked behind and it was the same and found that it was the same for all the columns. I looked down the row and suddenly I knew, some how I knew, that these consciousnesses were not new beings, but these were the consciousnesses of all the people from my dimension, all lined up in a row. And further more, that each row was copy of every consciousness in existence, creating identical columns of consciousnesses.
This was true for every column, except for mine. I was the variation, I was the intruder. I brought chaos. The consciousness in front of me looked at me in fashion that someone from our dimension would call sinister. I felt fear and anxiety beyond earthly understanding. I felt as if I was wiggling trying to free myself but I couldn’t. Ahead of me I saw the never ending sea seem to end. But, it wasn’t the end. The entire mass was just starting to roll over on itself like a conveyer belt. For some reason I really did not want to go over that edge, but it came and as row of souls rolled over the boundary, I felt sensations and feelings which can not be described by any words in our physical dimension. If one had to describe it, it could be described as massive compression and twisting, but these words and meaningless when compared to the “reality.”
Finally I the whole mass rolled over to what could be described as the other side, which then felt just like it was before. There was no perception that I was on the top or the bottom, just that I was there. The consciousnesses in my proximity seemed to notice my anxiety and to my horror they communicated with me. Not with words, but my consciousness had only a feeling or an impression of the message which they were trying to convey to me. The impressed upon me the message which seemed to say “Didn’t you know? Didn’t you know that this is what it was really like?” Suddenly the universe was lost in a chaos of static as I returned to my body and woke up on the floor in front of the chair that I had been sitting in.
The above description may seem very ordered and vivid, But this is only because I’ve had a lot of time since then to think about what I saw with my physical brain, reflecting on what it was that I actually experienced. The truth is there are no words to describe the sensations and events that I perceived in that universe of energy and apace. I am convinced that what I saw was real. I have been troubled with the question of which is more real, this reality or that one. I question now the reality of the things around. For instance, I might recall an album which was recorded a long time ago, like an old Beatles album, and for some reason I'll ask myself “Did that really happen?” And I get a strange feeling that if I asked some one if they knew the album I was thinking of, that they wouldn’t know what I was talking about, and that the album never existed at all.
A entheogen is a substance which is supposed to produce “god within one’s self.” I believe that I experienced a theoretic experience. I don’t believe that I became one with God, but I believe that my mind was released and enabled to travel among consciousnesses and dimensions as an omnipotent being would be able to. Unfortunately my consciousness is not meant to exist in that state, and I lacked the understanding to comprehend what I was experiencing, and it terrified me. I am confident that what I saw was real. I believe that it is possible for others to go to where I have been.
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