Citation: RollzFanatik. "Translation of Generation: An Experience with MDMA (Ecstasy) & Cannabis (exp60639)". Erowid.org. Dec 12, 2007. erowid.org/exp/60639
||(pill / tablet)
Here is my story
I’m currently 17 and before this year I would never have even dreamt of taking any drugs, I was even scared to try weed so I put it off for 4 years. 4 years ago my best friends started smoking and I decided back then that I wanted no part of it and began distancing myself from my drug user friends. As a result I became distanced from everyone and I was unconsciously provoked into a corner where I found myself becoming enveloped in massively multiplayer online games. I began these games young and before I distanced myself from my friends I played games but not like this. I played games from the time I got home from school till I went to bed and neglected all schoolwork. Being a naturally bright kid I was able to compensate on my tests through my power of deduction and other such tricks/methods and never cheated.
Anyways my parents had been Divorced since I was born. My father a current alcoholic and my mom a past alcoholic both of them grew up in the drug age and I'm sure they experimented plenty. One night during one of my dad's drunk emotional phone calls to me my father told me that I was actually an accident and that my mother never wanted me and that is the real reason they got divorced.
For years I wrapped myself around my computer screen not living in this world but having become one with a virtual world, my life was based on something intangible and fake. I spent years building relationships with people across the country or in other countries. The virtual world was a world where I didn’t have to worry about anything and just minor annoyances like fighting monsters and dungeons, I had found a temporary way to immerse myself in an unresponsive environment and being ignorant of the real world I continued in fantasy land for 4 years or more. Probably way worse then drugs is being a completely over sensitive emotional anti-social computer addict.
11th grade came rolling around the corner and over the summer I spent the entire 3 months basically in my room in my own little world. The 11th grade midterms came rolling around the corner and my responsibilities to real life kicked me in my balls. Gasping for air I frantically tried to cram in as much knowledge as I could, like I said I'm a bright kid, but lazy. I got through the midterms ok and after, feeling completely drained, my friend told me she would bring me home and so she did. Several days later on new years I get a call from my friend (R) telling me to come to this party. The party was being thrown at one of my friends houses whom I had distanced myself from 4 years ago when I began my anti-social curl.
Never having gone to any parties I showed up ignorant of the situation. The friend whose house I was at lets call him (C). I showed up with a beanie on and was telling people I had a migraine because I hadn’t had any caffeine, yes I was a caffeine addict just due to the fact that I stayed up all night playing computer games. In the past many people have said that C and I look alike, which I thought strange but ignored it. A total stranger bust through the room telling me to take this little white pill, “Nice! an advil”, and so I did ”what a nice guy” I thought. Within 30 minutes my headache was gone and I was feeling amazing, the music really felt good. Later I found out the total stranger mistook my for my friend C, and consequently I received a sample of ecstasy. As I sat on the couch I felt air rushing past my face and I could feel each beat of the strobe light as if it was pushing down on me as I flew upwards through the clouds.
Someone handed me a bowl of weed, as having seen everyone doing this I knew exactly was I was supposed to do with these beautiful orange and green leaves in this shiny bowl, and with the lighter in my hand and my virgin lounges took a deep breath and coughed hard and fell backwards onto the couch and awoke a moment later. Someone handed me 2 hand held back massagers, and they had green lights on them at which I remarked and showed everyone how amazing they were. I began to rave with them, and feeling the power of the MDMA, the feeling of empathy dripping down my face being excreted from my pores only to be reabsorbed a moment later. I wanted others to feel how I felt, I wanted and still want the entire world’s population to feel the empathy, joy, giddiness, sheer euphoria that I had felt.
Never having raved before my friend C showed me how to make a figure 8 with my hand and how to move the lights. The music was coming from the stereo in waves, the waves never broke they were swells, swells in happiness or in vibe I couldn’t tell, but I felt my body my mood, the whole room moving with these unbreakable swells in pleasure and emotion.
Everyone is concerned with the idea of electricity and power and seeking the infinite power source, well I say its been here and it has been here for thousands of years, our ancestors discovered it in its basic uncut raw form. Indian tribes beating their drums circling which their eldest shamanistic guide to lead them through their spiritual journeys and often taking “special” herbs and medicines to invoke “visions of the gods”. Music is an infinite power source, every sound wave resounding endlessly from this CD, and the sound waves that night were pumping into my body, being like a human beacon for the music I felt it flowing through me and like electricity I felt the surge of energy needed to escape through some part of my body. So instead of letting it simply be released back into the air I transformed that energy into physical energy and began to rave for my first time.
Enjoying raving more then having others rave for me I was able to feel my first empathetic experiences in my life. I was able to give other people happiness through raving. I cant take the credit for it though because the music is the real energy I was giving them, I was merely able to shape it into a language that everyone could understand. My friends became entranced with my hand movements as if every motion had a deeper meaning and was actually a message encoded into the music, that only this magical pill could enable me to decipher.
My friends R and C told me that I was amazing at raving and to keep going, so I did. The language of the gods was flowing through me and I felt it in every movement, the hand of the gods. My arms no longer arms but mere puppet strings that followed directions from the music. I had found my passion in life, to make others happy through the unending power of music and raving. I raved until 4 am at which point my friend C told me that everyone was going to bed and that I should do so before my roll wears off so I did.
The next morning was a wonderful one except my lips hurt from sucking on a pacifier. I drove home still feeling very happy and in a very good mood. When I got home I said hi to my mom and gave her a big hug, and ever since that day I’ve been getting progressively nicer to my family and I’m beginning to participate in our family events and things such as that. I’m writing this one month later and I still remember the absolute euphoria I felt. I want everyone to be happy. This little miracle pill changed my life for good or for bad isn’t to be judged because its myself and each individual should decide for themselves their path to enjoyment. I judge people less and I like people way more now. I actually enjoy being in social situations and I especially enjoy being nicer to my parents.
Unfortunately my father is still an alcoholic but there isn’t much I can do about that. Every person wants to feel important and they want to feel like they are doing something that they are good at. I believe that I have found my passion in life which is to make others happy through my power of raving and music, And to practice raving as much as I can because just was with every generation there is something new, something wonderful that brings the nations youth together to enjoy themselves and to bond with each-other, with other humans and to love one another. By raving I feel that I’m spreading my love and joy with others.
Each generation of people has something that bonds them together and thus bonds human kind to other humans. Only people born in that generation can understand others from that generation, and cross generation translations are only 50% understandable at best. I feel bonded to my people in my fellow generation. Life is only available to us for so long as if it were a sort of gateway, and each person needs to find a way to cross the gateway into happiness, because death without happiness means that that person wasted their life, death without happiness is merely decomposition. Being able to find our way across that gate is what life’s journey is. People need to do what ever it is that makes them happy in order to cross that gateway, but trying to escape reality isn’t how it should be done. Making other happy through the power of music and dance and raving is what I’ve discovered to be my crossing quality.
MDMA (ecstasy) was invented originally as a therapeutically medicine. It enables us to unblock mental or social paths, and it completely wipes away social boundaries that are created through a judgmental society. Being able to wipe away those social barricades is nothing short of a miracle and should be using sparingly, people are abusing substances because they are trying to escape from life’s problems. Drugs shouldn’t be taken to hide from reality but to enhance it and enable you to live more then you’ve ever lived before and to bond with humans. Sometimes drugs such as MDMA are prescribed as spiritual tools and can be used as such under proper conditions (in my opinion).
I don’t advocate the use of drugs but I feel that they have enabled me to see my path across that gate in clear view. I believe that I have seen my inner light and it has changed me for the better. People told me I was practically glowing with love and excitement days and weeks after my trip
COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.