Intense ... Lingering ... Powerful
Citation: Kclaw. "Intense ... Lingering ... Powerful: An Experience with Ayahuasca (exp61542)". Erowid.org. May 14, 2007. erowid.org/exp/61542
First, I have to say that I'm a bit amazed by some accounts on this site where folks just cook up this stuff then walk to the grocery store while they're on it. At the risk of sounding hung-up, I really don't believe that's how to take ayahuasca. I believe/feel it's a very serious and potent plant and that it's best to take in a stable, safe environment, preferably the Amazon, with a Shaman you feel comfortable with...which is pretty much how I took it about almost 2 weeks ago.
Here's my account. I took the aya at a lodge located off the Madre de Dios River in Peru (the Amazon). The name of the Shaman who led the ceremony was given to me from a friend of a friend. He was quite an old man, and his Spanish was sometimes hard to understand...As is the practice, we waited until it was dark outside. Perhaps 20-25 minutes after drinking the aya, I suddenly felt anxious. I got up to go to the door of the hexagonal-shaped room we were in, and when I opened it the lighting outside was strange, brownish, and I could see some animals (tapirs?) that were almost like sculptures, just sort of frozen and on the ground. It was very unpleasant, and I couldn't throw up, so I went back inside. I sat down on a mat and was feeling extremely anxious, kind of claustrophobic...like I had to move and needed air.
I got up again and when I tried the door I couldn't open the latch, which made me considerably more anxious. I felt the room sealing up, and suddenly I found myself at a different window in the room. It felt like the place was closing up. One of the guys who was also taking the aya offered me his lighter, but I said no. He sounded so calm, in such striking contrast to what I was feeling. I was starting to panic and kept wondering why on earth I decided to try the ayahuasca. I was berating myself. I decided to sit down and not get up again. And when I did, I could see dark shapes around me, but not too close. I blew at them (as the Shaman suggested we do if we felt/saw any negative presence). The feelings at this point were terrible. Time was warping, and I was seeing/feeling funky black shapes that were making strange sounds. I was so scared and kept wondering how on earth I let myself take this chance. I decided to think of my friend Teri, whose done aya before and who is my acupuncturist. She's always been a healing force in my life, so I kept thinking of her and reminding myself that eventually these feelings of fear and extreme discomfort would pass.
I was sweating profusely...I sat with my eyes open and faced it. Getting up wasn't an option because I was afraid and/or thought I might flip out if I did. Strangely, at some point, early on, the darkness was interrupted by these hourglass helix-ish shapes made of of bright green and red and lines/lights...I suddenly entered a room where there were lots of them, and I heard a voice say 'welcome' but I did not feel altogether comfortable there.
The darkness and the shapes came back. Outside the sounds of the jungle - of the animals - seemed to become syncopated with things, a bit like a beat, and that was interesting. At some point I was doubting everything I was doing there, and who the Shaman was, etc...
Then I could see very vague outlines of the hourglass/helix shapes on black, and at some point they seemed to soften up. And I thought, okay this dreadful darkness is letting up and something kinda joked/spoke to me: 'Did you think we were going to give up so easily?' and I slipped back to uncomfortable sickness and darkness.
But not long later I heard a sweet woman's voice saying 'Throw up, go ahead, you'll feel better'. I didn't want to get up, and she suggested I do it right there.
At some point I heard some men outside talking and their voices made me sick, it was really uncomfortable...Then the Shaman started a song and first it struck me as uncomfortable too but as he got into it, it started seeming wonderful, comforting, lovely. And finally I started throwing up, right there next to me, and indeed I started feeling so good when i did it. Felt like big gunks were being released, and I stuck my finger down my throat and at some point it looked like a little frog was sitting by where I threw up out - a strange, bulbous little frog -not good but not bad...
The hourglass/helix shapes returned, very bright and at some point they started conveying info about the world/life...this is hard to explain, but the information felt so big, so overwhelming that I couldn't take it...it was too much to handle...I felt like my mind could split.
Then the sweet voice started talking more. And I started seeing those shapes but now they were not on black. Sometimes a strange machine-like sounding thing (couldn't see it, just felt it and heard it) seemed to grasp onto the side of my head like it was directly clamping on and doing something. Not bad, but I can't say it made me quite comfortable either, perhaps because I felt like I had no control.
Meanwhile, that sensation of receiving overwhelming information felt kind of unbearable and then the nice voice said 'She's not ready, she's not ready:' Like she understood i couldn't go further with it. And then i started seeing/feeling these lovely sensations...It's hard to explain but it was like I was ascending into a beautiful room with stones and jewels and the sound of water and it was lovely and beautiful...I felt very thankful...
There's lots more I can write about but it went on and on...Suffice to say the whole thing was rather intense, and two weeks later I'm still thinking about it so much.
Also, after reading more about ayahuasca, I came across the book The Cosmic Serpent which connects DNA with the ayahuasca...This amazed me because the shapes I saw were clearly like the double helix...
This was a very intense event for me. I think people should really respect this plant and the process/ceremony.
Oh, and a very strong message that I received especially towards the end, was that Love is All...Love is where it's at...That may sound silly to some, but it had/has a profound/wonderful meaning to me...Real sweet...Take care, Y'all!
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