Citation: Staka. "A Journey Through My Mind: An Experience with LSD & Cannabis (exp62454)". Erowid.org. Sep 8, 2007. erowid.org/exp/62454
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I have always been interested in drugs, their effects and why people use them. Whilst throughout my life I have been fairly disciplined about my decisions and actions, I had come to realize after much research and through my own thought that I was brought up to believe that the word ‘drugs’ was only associated with negative connotations.
About 6 months ago, I had made the decision to try weed. It seemed to have a large effect on all my friends that had tried it, but it virtually had no effect on me. It may have slightly lifted my mood, but stoned was not a category that I would have considered myself as. I felt that my attempt on experimentation failed, as I did not physically feel the hype that surrounded the drug by my friends, and the sources that I have used as research. The only other drug that I was mildly interested in at the time was LSD. I considered my mind a very stable place, and I had a very firm stance on my religious beliefs of atheism at the time. After learning that not only does it have hallucinogenic effects, but also powerful effects on the mind that could lead to profound spiritual and religious experiences, I made an important yet well thought out decision that this would be something that I would like to try some day.
As university started up again and just about full time work hours kicked in, over the next few months I had very limited social contact with friends, other than the occasional game of poker. With the knowledge that the Easter break was rapidly approaching, it was a great time to catch up with friends that I haven’t seen in a very long time. We decided about 2 weeks in advance that we 4 of us, myself, a long-time friend who I’ll call L, and 2 other good friends who I’ll call S and B would all be able to meet a B’s house since his parents had just left and would not be back for a very long time. This was, like always, going to be a ‘chill’ get together where it was planned that we all would just relax, have a chat, smoke some weed and just enjoy the day.
I have known L for a very long time and over the years we have built a powerful friendship. He is the one in contact with the dealer and had announced in recent conversation that he was able to get any drug off him that he wanted. During this conversation, I jokingly asked ‘Even Acid?’, as I had previously told him that I had sometime wanted to try it. I don’t know why, but the answer of ‘yes’ came as a shock to me. I felt like that this could be the time when this will actually happen. I told L of my intentions then and there of the possibility of possibly getting some and trying it there.
He seemed very excited about the prospect. I showed a YouTube video that I had discovered earlier of an interpretation of a user’s first LSD experience using paint. We both found this very entertaining and intriguing, and L decided that he would too experiment with the drug on the night, although his knowledge of it was substantially less than mine. I managed to convey to him the most important things about it, including what he’ll feel and tips to get out of a bad trip. The day before the big day, he purchased our LSD and everyone’s weed for the night. I went to sleep that night in high anticipation of the day after.
The day came, and we all arrived at B’s house at about 8pm. I was a bit nervous about the excessive amount of mirrors/reflective surfaces in his house because of bad experiences that I had previously read of, but I decided and hoped that my mind would end up being stable enough to not be greatly affected by these during my upcoming trip. Another friend who I’ll refer to as G also made it to B’s house and was cool after learning about what will be happening. S and B cut up the weed, L rolled (yes I’m useless), and we had several joints comprising of 3.5g of weed ready.
L’s dealer told him that for first time LSD users, the hit should be separated into quarters and each quarter taken between intervals of time. How much time however, we were not told. Before we all decided to smoke our joints, L and I took our first quarter hit. We went outside and everyone smoked their joint and got high, except for me because like before it strangely doesn’t seem to affect me much. I still decided that I should have it because I read that having cannabis during LSD will heighten the experience during the peak. At this point I was extremely high in anticipation because the moment finally came and there was no turning back.
L and I felt absolutely no effects of the LSD at this point, so we took another quarter 30 minutes after the first. An hour had passed. S had played his guitar and sang some songs and we all talked a bit. My anticipation was really high and the fact that I had to this point felt no effects, really started to irritate me, although I knew that it was possible that I would not feel effects up to 2 hours in. Although out of impatience, I tried my best to cut the remaining tab of LSD evenly, and L and I finished it up.
1 hour and a half in, we all went outside for a ciggie break. At this point I felt extremely light, colours seemed a bit brighter and I felt an extremely mild tingle in my body. At times I noticed a small rainbow of light come out of G’s ears, but now I’m not even sure if it happened. It could have been my imagination playing tricks on me because my anticipation was overwhelming at this point. I spent a few minutes observing the smoke coming out of my ciggie, and then about 10 watching the moon. Everyone looked at me strangely, but I assured them that I was not yet tripping and gave them two thumbs up, which I do quite a lot. I asked L and he was not feeling anything other than the weed.
It was 2 hours after I took my first hit, and we all made our way upstairs to watch a movie. At this point I was feeling extremely light and feeling that I could begin tripping any second. A few minutes into the movie, there was a close-up of a man’s face. I stared at it, and it started turning into a tiger. I asked my friends if that was really what was happening. They told me it wasn’t and I suddenly realised that the moment that I was finally waiting for was about to happen. I had noticed before that the carpet downstairs had very interesting and trippy patterns, so I thought to confirm this I would go downstairs and attempt to observe. I told the guys that I’ll be back soon.
I made my way downstairs but at this point it didn’t feel like I was tripping. The patterns on the floor didn’t move and the walls didn’t breathe as I had to often read about. After 5 minutes of attempting to observe, I took a huge step and moved into the bathroom, where there was a head-high mirror. I a movie in my head at this time because I had read that this was exactly what it looked like to look into a mirror on the influence of acid. With extremely high anticipation, whilst reasonably low expectations due to the recent failure with the walls and floor, I looked into the mirror. I stared straight into my eyes. My pupils were fairly large, and my face began to transform. Suddenly realising that this is finally it, I looked away from the mirror in fear that I might turn into something reasonably scary.
I took out my iPod, and put on one of my favourite albums called ‘Sad Wings of Destiny’ by Judas Priest knowing that I wanted it to be a part of my history, a part of my first acid trip. I slipped my iPod into my pocket and started walking around the downstairs room. At this moment I was alone. I made observations about the walls. Whilst they were certainly not breathing, the mortar between the bricks began to melt and started flowing. Only thing I could think to myself was ‘wow’, its happening, its happening. At this time no other major effects that I had read about were in effect.
I continued walking around the room observing the minor visual changes it took for about 15 minutes, and that was when I began to lose a perception of time, although it was very minor at this stage. The hallucinations got a bit stronger, and I noticed I could abort them by quickly moving my head and losing focus of what I was looking at. I thought it was time to make my return to the bathroom and take another look at the mirror. My pupils were absolutely enormous now and I couldn’t help but stare at them. My face looked very much seedier than it did before. It looked like I had a very much increased number of pimples. Suddenly, my facial hair started to eat my face, and whiskers began growing out of my pimples. I had taken the visual look of a cat.
At this point exactly, S came down the stairs for a toilet break. I stood in front of him and pointed at myself and tried to explain what was happening. All I could manage was to point at myself and say “Cat”. S had a smile on his face, pointed to himself and said “Dog”. I found this rather humorous and gave a smile, although the fact that I wasn’t able to say exactly what I was thinking annoyed me. On his way out of the toilet, he told me to come back up the stairs. I was thinking to myself that I didn’t want to, and as he was climbing up the stairs I got into my first negative mindset of the night, where I wanted to come upstairs because a friend asked me to, but in the back of my mind still wanted to stay downstairs continue observing.
Suddenly, everything in my vision turned into a very pale purple colour. The floor started breathing, the walls started breathing, and everything around me began to melt. I felt excruciating pain in my stomach and back, skulls started appearing around me and it was then I realised that it was a bad trip and this is what it felt like. It was one of the worst sensations that I could have imagined, I do not wish it upon anyone. It lasted about 10 seconds until I remembered that a method of avoiding bad trips was to change scenery. I made my way upstairs where everyone was congregated by the kitchen.
Suddenly the faded purple colour went away and I was left with a strange sensation that I was floating, whilst still terrified from the short experience I had downstairs. It was also then I noticed 2 green apples on the kitchen bench, which resembled the one from the LSD painting we watched being created. B set them out, one for me, one for L. I told everyone to look at my pupils and they did react with great surprise at how huge they were. I looked into L’s eyes, but his pupils looked perfectly normal. I could not believe he was not experiencing what I was. While everyone talked in the kitchen and made themselves a snack, I was standing in the corner. At this moment, the trip began.
The trip is the hardest thing in the world to explain. From this point on, I lost all sense of time, and the emotions I felt are completely beyond words and unexplainable. Everyone left the kitchen and I was left alone. At this point something felt very different though. I felt like I was in another reality. A new world that was created by my mind, the boundary of this new reality were the lights in the kitchen. I felt that if I left them, the drug would begin taking over my body and I would start to bad trip again.
In a minor moment of panic, I went to my bag (which was luckily in the kitchen) and took out a pen. I then ripped off a piece of paper off a nearby envelope and wrote ‘It's ok man, you’re tripping’ on it, as an attempt to have a means to keep a sense of reality. I held it in my right hand, and in my left hand was my iPod, whose music I treasure as one of the dearest things to me in the world. I had noticed that at this time was I was not experiencing major hallucinations, just an altered reality. I began to realise that I in fact knew nothing about the drug and that it will completely dominate me. I felt like I would spend the next 12 hours or so in fear that I would start bad tripping again.
Right about now was one of the most important parts of my trip, as I felt my body separate. It separated into 3 different entities: body, mind, and drug. I had very little control of my body at this time and at times saw myself in 3rd person. I realised I was having an out of body experience. This came as a complete shock to me as I did not know exactly the dose I had taken, and feared that it was way too large for my first time. I caught attention of the apple on the bench and suddenly the world around me turned the pale purple colour again and began to melt before my eyes. The drug began to take over my mind again, and it started doing everything that I didn’t want it to. If I was pleading with the drug not to make all my greatest fears visual, then it would. After about 30 seconds of this, my mind started to make statements that LSD is what I wanted to do, it was my decision, I’ve got a strong mind and that it is more powerful than the drug. The world turned back to its normal colours.
My mind started spewing out thoughts at about 6 times the normal rate. The best way I can explain the loss of perception of time is that time was slowed down by 6 times to make way for all the thoughts to be heard and analysed. All my senses merged into one and got absorbed by my mind. At this point I was completely out of my body, but it was walking around the kitchen back and forth for what seemed to be eternity. My mind kept on telling itself that OK, you’re tripping (and so did the piece of paper in my right hand), this is what you wanted, make the most of it you asswipe. I began to reflect on my life, my family and friends, my academic life and just basic thoughts about the world. Although at the back of my mind I was still slightly scared of the drug and the fear of another bad trip, but my mind seemed to be stable enough to actually not bad trip off this, although it got close a few times.
I found it absolutely amazing how fast emotions and my mood could change. One second I was thinking about how great my friends and family are to me and that I love them all, and the next millisecond it was thoughts of fear that I may bad trip again. I must have walked around the kitchen for a bit more than an hour. I attempted to SMS a friend whom I promise to invite, but the phone slipped out of my hands and the battery flung out. Knowing I wasn’t in a state to get technical and put it back in, the phone was placed back in my pocket. Every once in a while I looked down at my iPod and noted that when the slider of a song moved from 0:10 to about 1:00, it felt like at least 6 times more time had passed than this, and once again it sent thoughts of the drug being very powerful. I had covered a lot of thought during this time, but the current experience was/felt nothing like I wanted it to be. Then I started to get worried that I would not be able to handle the whole 12 hours. Just before my world began to melt again, S and L came into the kitchen declaring another ciggie break.
This was great news for me, as I wanted ever so hard to get out of the kitchen, but the drug wasn’t letting me. Friendship overpowered the drug at that instance, and I was able to move downstairs and outside to light up a cigarette without trouble. The emotions I felt are completely unexplainable. I was trying to explain to S and L that my trip is one big fear of bad tripping, but since my thoughts were racing 6 times normal speed, I only managed to output 1 word out of every 6 in the sentence. This made me frustrated, so I stopped.
I still found it extremely strange that L still had no visual effects that he was tripping, and at this time I found it hard to accept. L and S were talking about the movie they just saw, and at this moment I felt ‘Why are you talking about a movie. It is so insignificant’. Everything they used to describe the movie and their whole conversation that didn’t refer to me at that point felt completely pointless and I began to wonder why those kinds of thoughts would even be in their heads. Our ciggie break finished, and L made his way to the toilet. Still hopeful that he would experience what I was, I tried to tell to him before he went that to look in the mirror and to get ready of an experience of a lifetime. I wasn’t able to make any sense into my speech and this frustrated me. I then tried to tell S that the things I’m currently experiencing are incredible, and that I can see how someone with a weak mind would be completely dominated by the drug, not even realising that I was at this time in fact being dominated. S smiled and just kept on saying ‘Please don’t hurt me’, as I was thinking to myself, now why would I do that.
We made our way back upstairs and I was faced with a choice, to go back to the kitchen, or join S and L for another movie that they wanted to watch. I decided that I had to experiment more during my trip and that I was already in the kitchen before, so it was time to make way into the living room. It was much warmer there than the kitchen, and my neck and back were still absolutely stiff from the nonstop walking that my body had done in the kitchen just before. They decided to watch ‘The People vs Larry Flint’ or whatever it was called. Remembering that I too had once watched this movie, I tried to tell them that it was a good choice of movie, but all I managed to get out was ‘Movie’. The movie started and I sat back into my chair.
The album that I was listening to finished and it was then I perhaps made the most important decision of my entire trip. I put on Devin Townsend’s album ‘Terria’, which is a trip and a half without drugs. It is a concept album which reflects the creation of the world. I placed the note and iPod on the table, and heard the first noises from Terria coming out. I was very happy I made this decision at this point because it is one of my most loved and respected albums of all time. I picked up my iPod, and suddenly it began to melt. The iPod melted into my palm, and I felt that I was at one with the music, and that it was now infused into me. My overall mood changed that second, I felt like this was perhaps a new chapter in my trip. However I still felt like my mind and the drug were two separate entities floating above my body.
Suddenly, the drug told my mind to go back to the kitchen, bring back a Coke Zero, and sit back down. I felt like this was a very peculiar thing to ask of me, as I was not even thirsty at the time. The walk which lasted a couple of steps to the kitchen seemed much longer than they were, but my body which was only to be considered a pawn at this time managed to fill out the drug’s request. My mind began racing again. Thoughts of whether the drug was conquered started zooming through. Suddenly, my favourite solo of all time from the track ‘Deep Peace’ came on and that is exactly what I felt like. I felt the mind cloud absorbing the drug cloud, It was official that my mind had won the battle, things will only get better from now.
The euphoria I began to feel became physical. I felt it start at my heart and then spread across my entire body, to the tips of my fingers and toes. It felt like a never ending orgasm without the mess. It was the best physical pleasure I had ever felt in my life. I felt my heart. It was pounding faster than a power metal drum player on the snare. There was only one entity in existence at this point: my mind. It was in control of my body, of the drug and the whole world. I pointed at the TV, and my mind told it to turn green. It did. My mind then told the piece of dust on the ground to turn into a cockroach. It did. My mind told the cockroach to run away. It did. I was now in full control.
My mind was still racing about 6 times faster than usual, but the thought stream had changed dramatically from the experience in the kitchen. Instead of revisiting thoughts that I already knew of, it began visiting new thoughts. This lead to a complete spiritual experience for me and it is by far the hardest thing to explain out of anything from the trip. I had realised that the scene in the kitchen was actually a bad trip as a whole, as the drug explained to my mind because it was under it's control now, not the other way around. I felt at one with the universe, at one with my friends. I looked at every one of them. I felt complete happiness that they are their own individuals with their own beliefs and that the human race is a very special thing. I was a nihilistic atheist before this experience. Just by looking at my friends the nihilism was 100% flushed out of my system.
My mind figured out exactly why I chose the religion. I felt complete physical and emotional happiness for my friends and that they have their own beliefs. My mind kept on thanking the drug for these revelations which kept on occurring. As the final song of the album ‘Stagnant’ came on, which is one of the most upbeat songs I’ve ever heard, my religious experience continued and I was taken back to the creation of the Earth. My mind answered all the questions I ever wanted to know about everything. My spirit felt strong and it flowed with the different stages of Earth’s creation.
I also felt extremely satisfied that others have different theories than me. My immense hate of all other religions but atheism before this experience was completely reversed, and I gained respect for them all. The album finished and I still felt the physical sensation that the tiny beads of pleasure gave to me. I couldn’t believe the effect Devin Townsend’s music had on me, so I decided to keep on going and put on his album ‘Infinity’. Whilst Terria is a concept album on the Earth, Infinity is a concept album on a person’s life, from start to finish.
When the first song came on, my mind decided that I could not be seated in the chair anymore. It checked confirmation with the plush panther/puma in the corner of the room, and the panther agreed that this was the right move and winked back. Even though I had no control of my body, my mind was in such a euphoric mood that it controlled it in every way it wanted. For the first few songs I must have walked around the kitchen table 150 times, continuously air guitaring along with the music, patting the puma on its head and admiring its softness. It eventually struck me that the juicy apple from the guy’s movie, was actually the soft puma for me. I realised that his trip was his own, and I had absolutely no right to attempt copy it.
Every thought I had enlightened me. I felt a wiser person for realising the revelations that my mind was informing me of several times every second. By now, I realised that I was indeed god and anything that my mind wanted to do it could achieve. I looked at the TV. The film held a colour that changed every 3 seconds. Every time Courtney Love was on scene she looked like a vampire, and morphed naked, then she was wrapped in chains, then naked again, then clothed. Every time anyone other than Courtney Love was on scene, their face would melt. I was completely blown away that now my mind was controlling visual reality and that I have been rewarded for being able to control the drug.
I kept looking back at L who actually seemed to be paying attention to the plot of the movie, so, I had finally given up on the thought that he was tripping, although I was completely happy for him and everything that he was doing, feeling and all his beliefs. It was about 3am now, and L woke B up so we could all go outside and finish the weed off. At this point I felt that I was re-born thanks to all of the revelations my mind bestowed upon me. I felt like I know what it feels like to be god.
We moved onto the balcony, and I could feel my mind telling me that it was now time that it goes back into my body. I was back to one entity, however I realised that I was still tripping hard because my thoughts were still racing out of control. They started talking about the night and that it was a good relaxing session. I was just thinking to myself that how in the world is it possible that this was a relaxation session. I was god for goodness sake! L started talking about how his lungs are so fucked after the night. I then thought that how insignificant this was, and how the conversation so far up to this point was absolutely irrelevant towards anything. I tried to tell them that I was in fact at one with the universe and the feeling that I have now is the best feeling in the world.
They then proceeded to tell me I was incorrect, and that sex was. This greatly angered me for a few moments, but then I got a megalomaniac emotion that I have been enlightened and they have not, so whatever they said is incorrect and void. At this point, my mind left my body again to call me a douchebag and asked me if I haven’t learned anything from this experience. I then released that I’m happy for them that they think sex is the best thing in the world, and it’s their choice and belief. My brain commended me on my findings and announced that I have learned my lesson. It came back into my body not to leave again.
With the out of body experience out of the way, I was getting my perception of time and space back. I put on Judas Priest’s ‘Painkiller’ which I considered virtually unlistenable during the most intense part of my trip. I sat down on one of the chairs in the living room and I was asked by B of how I was feeling. Since there was no possible way I could explain everything there and there, I tried my best to tell him that I would tell him later. The movie came back on, and I started experiencing extremely strange hallucinations with colour and shapes within it. Everything would start morphing and changing colour on its own, without the aid of my mind being in control of it. I sat there in awe until the rest of it watching the amazing things that would emerge out of it. The movie finished and everyone was tired and decided to go to sleep, I was led to my quarters by B. This was the place where I would be rewarded for conquering the drug with visual pleasure.
When I was in the room, everything started to morph on its own free will. I started by sitting on the bed and looking at my iPod. The letters on the screen would smoothly change to others, I got an o changing into a d very often, whilst the colours of everything else around would be flashing and changing every 3 or so seconds. I chose to listen to some of my favourite songs while I lied around and observed the scenery. The first hours were me looking at the ceiling. The outline patterns on the sides kept on morphing, jumping and dancing. Every 20 seconds or so, I would be saying the world “WOW’ out loud because the visuals I was seeing were completely mind-blowing. It was a dreaming reality. I looked at the walls and star patterns started emerging and dancing.
The next couple of hours I spent with my mobile. I took a few pictures of my eyes in their heavily diluted state. I scrolled through all the photos I had and spent about 5 minutes of each, seeing how my friends would change and morph into anything and everything. I finally reached a photo of myself. I spent about 1 hour staring at it and witnessing the most amazing of changes to it. Not only did I morph into everything possible, the surroundings around me in the photo began to get faces and I was completely captivated by what I was seeing.
Luckily, the room I was in had a full sized mirror in it. I stood in front of it for what seemed like eternity and witnessed the most amazing of full body transformations. Every single transformation that I took on forced me to remark out loud that I was completely amazed by what was in front of me. The one I distinctly remember was a full bodied Dracula, with a cape and all. My eyes remained the same throughout all the transformations, but all the areas around them changed. I became L, S, B, a gorilla, Devin Townsend, a tree, a space commander, absolutely everything. It all seemed to come at random, I did not know what I was going to expect next. Many of these hallucinations were aborted due to immense pain in my jaw that would increase when I would focus harder.
It was already about 11 hours into the trip. I went out of my room to go to the toilet, where I noticed G. He was asleep during my entire trip. He asked me how it was. Thinking my mind was back to normal I tried to explain that I just had the experience of my life, but then I realised my sentences were still structured with random nouns all over the place and made no sense. He gave me a weird eye, and I just gave him my trademark thumbs up and proceeded to the toilet. My pee was (looked) a strange black colour.
I went back to my room and starting thinking whether I have done everything I wanted to on the influence of the drug. I agreed that yes it was and decided it was time to sleep. I realised that this was by far the best day in my life and when I would wake up I would be a new man. I closed my eyes, but sleep suddenly seemed to be the last thing on my mind. I could not stop reflecting about everything that had happened to me during the trip. The closed eye visuals were beautiful. They looked like a never-ending smooth kaleidoscope that produced random patterns and colours. I lay there in awe as the visuals inside my eyes changed and danced.
By this time B came to my room and told me to wake up, because everyone else already had. I told him that I didn’t sleep and he seemed a bit shocked. I made my way to the balcony where everyone was sitting and reflecting. I was sitting next to L who was at a complete contrast to me, even though we took the same dose of LSD. According to the psychedelic levels guide of ‘The Shulgin Scale’, the experience talked about would have ranked him at the very bottom of the scale, barely even on an ‘off baseline’ level. However I would have rated mine anywhere between plus 3 and plus 4. I was nearing the very end of my comedown but I still was unable to put together long sentences and couldn’t do much but listen to everyone speaking to each other, whilst I spent my time staring into one spot in B’s garden.
It was time to go home. I said my goodbyes to everyone and walked from the bus stop back home. Even though it was a 20 minute walk, it seemed to be over in about 2. My mum greeted me, but in order to not give too much away, I gave her a few smiles and announced I didn’t sleep at all and wanted to go now. I retreated to my room, and spent another hour or so reflecting on what happened. I woke up the next day with a whole new look at life, with the knowledge the drug did more than I could have ever asked or expected it to do. It re-iterated how important music is to me, because I cannot believe that the same thing would have happened to me if my iPod was not with me. I now look at the world with a shade of light rather than a shade of dark. I will no longer start chanting ‘IN NOMINE SATANAS’ when Jehovah’s Witnesses come door knocking. I will treat everyone with the respect they deserve. I will still however do all my assignments at the last minute.
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