Citation: Fuctniraq. "Truth, Reality, and Alterate Lives: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (20x extract) (exp63318)". Erowid.org. Feb 27, 2010. erowid.org/exp/63318
For years I had heard of Salvia and seen it in head shops, but I never paid it much attention. I figured that anything that readily available couldn't give the results that it promised. However after years of experimenting with a wide array of other psychoactives, I figured that I would finally give it a try. I also figured that I had “been there and done that” with everything from LSD, LSA, Peyote, and mushrooms that I didn’t need to worry too much about something that you can buy online for $31 a gram. So I looked it up online and read some of the basics, “powerful, short duration, overwhelming” then I bought a gram of 20X. What is important to state here about this salvia that may be different from others is that this particular source takes the extract and pours it over Hawaiian leaves that burn at a much lower temperature. Making it smoke much faster and smother.
When it arrived my neighbor and best friend decided to come over and take part in the experience with me. None of us could have guessed what we (especially me) were in for. Most people would classify the following as a “bad trip”. But as far as I’m concerned, there is no such thing. So this is simply an account of what happened, to the best of my knowledge.
Jordan (my best friend, 220 lbs and a very experienced user) went first, loading an average sized bowl and cashing it on the first hit. He didn’t react at first, he just stood there with a blank expression and clumsily set down the pipe. After about 30 seconds he finally walked to the other room silently. I figured it best not to bother him in whatever state of mind that he might be in at the time, so me and the neighbor waited for him to come back out on his own. Just a minute or two later he did. And told me that it was like “peaking on shrooms” as he laughed, stumbled, and drooled.
With much excitement due to his appearance and comparison to mushrooms, I packed a rather large bowl. And quickly took it down in one hit as well. This is when things completely changed. It’s funny, you never really see the big things in life coming. And this was defiantly one of them. It changed the way I think about life as we “know” it. As I held the hit in I felt like it was causing me rise off the ground. Afraid that I would get too high off the ground and possible fall I let the hit out, along with the phrase “too much, too much” which was met with laughter from my friends. They didn’t fully realize what was going on quite yet. I was instantly transported to not only another world, but another life and another reality. As only a person who as “tripped” before would know, it felt much more real than this world. And I knew that it was real. And that I had been there before. But not visiting, this was home.
This homecoming as it seemed, was not a joyance occasion in the least. I found myself as a small (the size of a human head) aquatic life form. Somewhat resembling a Dr. Seuss drawing. I was horribly depressed, it was an instant feeling and was completely on the other end of the spectrum from the moment before when I was floating in the air. I was also unaware of the moment before, and the life before. I had no idea that I was…well who ever I am and most importantly I had no idea that I had done anything to alter my perception of reality. So as I sat in my tank with other such aquatic beings, I became aware of two larger land creatures leaning over the edge and pointing at me. One was male and the other slightly smaller was female. They both looked like a Disney knock off cartoon. A little like Mickey and Minnie Mouse.
They were arguing when I began to understand what they were saying. The female said “I want that one”. And pointed to me. The male wasn’t so apt to purchase me though, and explained to the female why. “This one is broken, look at him. He thinks that he is a man. It happens all the time with these things. Their lives are so horrible in so many ways that if he left them alone they would simply die from mental self destruction. So we feed them drugs and implant false memories into them. But sometimes they are here too long and get too much. And when that happens they start to believe it all. See look at him. He is broken and thinks he is a man.” When I heard this I began to slightly remember my life as a human, though I still wasn’t sure who I was. Believe me when I say that nothing, I mean nothing is more terrifying than a giant animated mouse telling his mate that everything you have ever known, everyone you have ever loved, and everything you ever held dear to you was an illusion. And worst of all, I believed him. It felt right, it felt real. But I couldn’t be sure.
I tried to fight it mentally, to somehow use whatever mind I had to push out all that wasn’t real and leave only what was. As this was happening the female had apparently won the argument, the tank began to drain and I was to walk (I was somewhat in human form now, though still the same small size) out of the tank using a ramp. As I grudgingly walked out of the tank with my mind swirling over what I had just heard and felt I began to realize that this place looks like the kitchen I had in my human life. I saw my friend and neighbor in there too, they were smiling. This made me so mad, that someone could smile when all of this was happening to me. Did they play a part in it?
I realized that I couldn’t explain things now, so I tore off my shirt and threw the salvia under the cupboard in some attempt to protect us all from it. Then stumbled into my room and laid on my bed in the dark to reflect on what had just happened. As I laid there trying with no avail to comprehend what I had just experienced a memory popped into my head. A rather unpleasant one for the time. It was a memory of a young kid, about 14 that had done salvia for the fist time and later killed himself. He left behind a note stating that he had to do it, he knew things about life that he couldn’t explain but if he could everyone would understand his decision. This rattled me after what I had just been though. It took me weeks to really digest it all. After a lot of though I realized more about myself, my life, and my soul than I ever could have without this experience.
Later when I talked to my friend about it, he told me that from his perspective on it, it only lasted about 15 minutes. I just squatted down in the kitchen laughing. Then stopped suddenly and looked around. Then I drooled an unimaginable amount before stumbling to my bed.
All in all I had an awesome time. It was without a doubt the most terrifying thing that has happened to me in any state of mind. But being shaken to my very core helped me realize who I really am.
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