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It's All Gone
Salvia divinorum (20x extract)
by Flying Furthur
Citation:   Flying Furthur. "It's All Gone: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (20x extract) (exp63461)". Erowid.org. Jun 12, 2007. erowid.org/exp/63461

 
DOSE:
4 hits smoked Salvia divinorum (extract)

BODY WEIGHT: 160 lb


Let me preface this with the fact that this was about a month ago so itíll be difficult to remember every detail. Hell, right after the experience I wasnít able to remember a lot but here I go. Also, this is my first trip report and second time smoking Salvia.

Setting:

It was just another fun weekend night with the guys and we had decided to try Salvia that night just like we had last week for the first time. My two friends, Ken and Tim (pseudonyms, of course), had both gotten mild highs from it and I was the only one to get high enough to get full on OEVs (I would rate it between 3 and 4 on the Salvia Scale). So I took out my pipe and bag of 20x extract and let my friends go first seeing as they hadnít gotten where they wanted to last time. The setting was at Timís house at night with his mom in the other room watching a movie .

First it was Timís turn and he took a big hit out of a big bowl and was slurring his speech insanely. We literally could only make out one in every fifteen words as he tried to explain how we shouldnít move because the room was perfect as it was. Then Ken went and still remained firmly on the ground but was still having a very strong experience in which he though we were all at a nearby park. Oh goody goody, my turn! A decent sized bowl was packed and I grabbed the torch lighter and held it to the pipe took a huge hit and realized a bong would have been better. I held the scorching smoke for a couple seconds before I coughed it out. Bah, wasted! So I took what was left in on or two more small hits and held it in.

Since it was a very strong extract it still managed to effect me greatly but just not to the point of hallucinating. I was having a lot of difficulty with short term memory at this point. Then my friend Tim packed another bowl for himself after me and took a big hit. Still very high at this point, I took a big hit from what was remaining in his bowl as he passed it back to me. I was soon having severe problems with short term memory and kept questioning if what I remembered about the past few minutes really happened or was made up in my head. I had one fleeting open eye hallucination which I still donít remember.

At this point I was as high as you can be on Salvia without having wild open eye hallucinations or being in another land. The light in the room was out and the computer screen emitted a dull blue glow across everything. And through the speakers was playing a mellow, soothing music. I was sitting on a couch with Tim on the other side of it and Ken on his laptop lying on the floor Then, faster than I though possible, I was presented with another massive bowl of 20x by Ken, who knew I didnít get a very good hit the first time. Salvia land was less than a toke away so I snatched it up along with the lighter. It was difficult to function the damned contraptions in my state but I managed to bet on huge hit and keep it past the initial surge of throat scorching heat. After twenty seconds I exhaled and instantly realized something horrible and twisted.

The Experience:

It was just then that I saw the room start splitting. Everything just stopped functioning like it should in the real world. Tim was just sitting there speaking unintelligibly and not moving a muscle, as if he was some robot that started malfunctioning. It was like I was watching the room for a short distance away. Almost like looking at the three walls of a movie set. The entire room, everything, was just peeling apart. I thought that for some reason that some form of higher being just decided to kill my dimension. And that for my whole life everything I had experienced had been a sham, just fake things cooked up by this powerful force to make me believe I was living a life. This shook me to the core. I wasnít ready to leave all that I had here. Even if everything was fake I didnít care! I wasnít ready to exchange my EVERYTHING I knew for this horrible lonely existence. This existence of forever trekking in this chaotic mess of a destructed dimension where things were constantly moving and splitting and changing.

But the strange thing was that my previous joke seemed like some cruel, ironic, cosmic joke. Like this was just kinda the way things were supposed to be. There seemed to be some calm womanly presence that I detected just surveying over me. Not some sultry goddess of Salvia like itís been described before. Just some older, wiser and caring woman watching over me. It sort of reminded me of an elementary school teacher. I knew this was how things should be but I wasnít ready for it and I tried as hard as I could to literally grasp reality . . . and all of this in the first minute or so! *phew*

Although I recognized things I was in no way in the same place I was before. I though that the Salvia should have worn off long ago and was horrified to find that Salvia opened my mind to the true nature of the Ďrealityí I used to live in and there was little chance I would get back. But I kept walking on through this mess of scenes desperately trying to find my way back to the way things were. The trouble was: there is no button to make everything proportionate again. Iíd never learned how to put back the shattered and moving remains of my old universe. At one point I was just still but hugely oversized objects moving past me and I had to roll over them as the went on their own way.

At this point Iíd like to say that the time frame for all these things is probably really messed up. So many indescribable things happened so quickly that itís hard to put into words. Back to my quest for reality!

After going on for what seemed to be a really long time I finally gave up. I just accepted that this was how it was going to be. Iíd lost every person Iíd loved and every friend I had. Every tiny happy thing that makes life worth living was gone and there was no way to get it back. The simple joy of existing had been turned into a constant struggle in this sick, ever-changing dimension. At this point, I saw a distorted computer keyboard (I later learned that Iíd gotten up and Tim nudged me into the computer chair so I wouldnít fall onto his tableís corner) and I just dropped my head in a tired acceptance of this chaotic, isolated existence.

I donít know how long it took but I soon got the urge to give it one final try. I couldnít let everything I loved so much go without one final stand. I just started trudging through this mess of a universe. I still saw the broken and tilted pieces of the three walled room. I was literally holding onto the tow pieces of it while trying not to slip off as it was tilting at a higher and higher angle. Then I saw some form of door in the distance so I made my way towards it (I had moved back to the couch and was looking at his door, this was the first time that part consensual reality was being seen by me). So I went towards it thinking that this was a door to my freedom. If I can only pass through that door Iíll be back to reality!! Back to living!! So I open the door a crack and peer out. I see a (albeit heavily distorted) hallway for the first time. There are actually walls! Itís not just some vast empty wasteland like Iíd been traveling through! This is when I started to come back to normal. Ken got up to stop me. He calmly shut the door and said that I shouldnít go out there.

I finally was able to see the room. I wasnít stuck in my mind like I had been. My friend had intense patterns over every part of him and he looked really huge but I could at least see him. The room behind him took shape too. Objects were kind of blended together by the patterns and they were all disproportionate but I felt safe. I had no idea what was going on but my memory of my previous life was coming back and the hallucinations were slowly fading. So I just closed the door and sat down quietly knowing that Iíd accomplished crossing the dimensional gap. I spent the next ten minutes debating whether my friends were real or just fake and if I was still stuck in that strange dimension.

I spent the next hour pacing around the room thinking about my experience, still very high from the Salvia and with no signs of it fading away. I slowly came to the conclusion that everything was, in fact, real and that my universe wasnít just a collection of autonomous machines run by some higher force. I eventually drifted off to sleep about two hours later hoping that in the morning I would be sober and that I hadnít gone insane.

Afterwards:
I woke up the next day sane and sober but with a lot on my mind. I had to work that day in the morning so I drove home. I spent almost an hour and a half hours pacing around my house thinking about the night before, attempting to remember every detail that I could. Every sight, emotion, feeling, and presence that I experienced and what it could all mean and even toying with the idea that what I experienced was the true reality. I was trying to get in the shower but I kept pacing, got in the bathroom but kept pacing in there, took off my clothes but I kept pacing with the shower going and still pacing outside of it. It was a truly shattering experience that I couldn't stop digging into. I kept feeling more and more glad for the simple fact that I exist in a real world with other humans to interact with and that the whole thing wasnít real (as far as I know)

When I left for work (nobody was at my house) I hadn't seen anybody and my cul de sac was empty since it was so early so I didnít see any person for a bit. It was sunny and there was a slight breeze so I felt very calm. I knew people existed but I just kinda felt like 'hmmm, this is exactly what being the only person in the world feels like' because I just experienced that same aloneness the night before in salvia land. It seems like it would be frightening but for some reason it was a very calming thought. For all I knew, every person on the Earth just disappeared and thatís why I hadnít seen anyone. So I got out and turned onto a main street and saw a couple cars which made me little less suspicious that the world was empty. Every car and every person I saw made me a little more confident in the world and a little more appreciative to just live and enjoy the simple interactions life is made of. Even though I was physically tired and had every reason to lye on the floor and be lazy at work I felt like a brand new man.

I was so thankful to be in this dimension just living the life that wasn't what I saw last night that I was so kind and outgoing and helpful to every person I saw. I just felt so happy to simply exist and know that my old dimension was still intact.

Final word:
Thanks for reading my experience report. I know itís massive and probably very confusing to everybody, including me haha. It was very chaotic and strange and I did my best to try and verbalize this completely shattering experience. True, this was the most frightening experience of my life and what I saw was a fate worse than death but I wouldnít call it bad. Just difficult. It made me appreciate life a little more and I have no doubt that Iíll go back to Salvia Land again some day to peer a little further down the rabbit hole. Right now Iím not ready to be so out of control again but I know that in time Iíll be curious enough to go exploring again.

Exp Year: 2007ExpID: 63461
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Jun 12, 2007Views: 14,009
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Salvia divinorum (44) : Entities / Beings (37), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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