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Had Its Hooks So Deep I Wanted to Die
Methadone & Buprenorphine
by mr.icanhandleit
Citation:   mr.icanhandleit. "Had Its Hooks So Deep I Wanted to Die: An Experience with Methadone & Buprenorphine (exp64533)". Erowid.org. Jun 11, 2019. erowid.org/exp/64533

 
DOSE:
20 - 150 mg oral Methadone (pill / tablet)
  8 mg sublingual Pharms - Buprenorphine (daily)

BODY WEIGHT: 180 lb


Methadone, the Creeper

My first experience with methadone was to take it in desperation to help with a HUGE vicodin addiction. Taking 150 mg. a day just to feel normal was becoming a roller coaster I wanted off. Unfortunately for me, my wonderful wife had just been put on methadone as a pain reliever, in addition to all of the other opiates. I was like a kid in a candy store.

Sure enough 20mg of methadone completely erased withdrawals I normally suffered when the vicodin supply was exhausted yet again. Wow, if 20 mg. made me feel 'normal', what would 40mg do? My addictive traits took over and 100 mg. later I was in Heaven. (note: to a non opiate tolerant person, this dose would equal death! If you have never used opiates, DON'T do it). A half hour later I was superman, better than a vicodin high ever was, I wanted to clean the house, detail the cars, write a book, cure cancer, you name it I thought it was possible.

Later that night came what I have heard heroin users describe as 'going on the nod'. I've never used Heroin but Oxycontin, Hydrocodone is really just the same thing, just legal packaging. I wasn't unconscious, just oblivious. I had neither a care nor a worry in the world. I was comfortably numb. Just as I had read other users say it felt like peace, a warm blanket, back to the womb, etc. The things I had researched about methadone, like it doesn't make you high, just keeps you from using, complete falsehoods from this user. The next day I was too tired to work so more methadone was my solution. Sure enough ready in 1/2hour to slay the dragons.

Within 2 weeks of varying doses I tried to stop cold turkey. HUUUGE mistake, in 2 weeks Methadone had its hooks so deep I wanted to die. Between the anxiety and fear of running out and the realization I was ADDICTED, I thought I was having a nervous breakdown, just the thoughts of no methadone made me insane, Vicodin was like taking a baby aspirin, there wasn't enough in the bottle to cure these withdrawals.

Luckily for me I found a Doctor who was both compassionate and licensed to prescribe Subutex. I had to withdraw for 6 days completely free of methadone, which he helped me through by prescribing Oxycontin, just enough to keep me well and functioning, not enough to make me high (he has a conversion formula specifically for Methadone=Oxycontin. I did have to suffer through 24 hours of withdrawals, you have to be in withdrawal before switching to Subutex, the wonderful doctor helped me through this with valium and clonidine, I almost slept through the entire withdrawal. Then On the 7th day I switched to the Subutex, 8mg, sublingual.

Subutex has saved my life and restored my sanity.
Subutex has saved my life and restored my sanity.
So far it's been a godsend, my last dose of methadone was July 8th and I'm looking forward to my last dose of Subutex, Sept.1. My experience of methadone is the withdrawals are worse than anything else, including alcohol, and I've been through that detox as well. Please don't be fooled as I was into thinking if methadone is something they prescribe for addictions, it must not be addicting, it can't be that bad. IT WAS. Sorry to be so longwinded, I just wanted people to understand the methadone effects on me, as well as the hope I now have thanks to Subutex, while my Subutex trial is still ongoing, I have every reason to believe I can quit as scheduled by tapering down, and this stuff DOES NOT make me high, it also would prevent any other opiate from having an effect if I were tempted. Subutex keeps me well, doesn't get me high, takes away cravings, and prevents any other abuse, so far I am a firm believer in Buprenorphine.

Exp Year: 2007ExpID: 64533
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Jun 11, 2019Views: 2,350
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Pharms - Buprenorphine (265), Methadone (166) : Not Applicable (38), Addiction & Habituation (10), Retrospective / Summary (11)

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