Citation: cherrytree. "Little Innocent Girl: An Experience with MDMA (Ecstasy) (exp64619)". Erowid.org. Jun 27, 2018. erowid.org/exp/64619
My boyfriend and I had casually talked about taking some MDMA together. I have done a lot of reading and research alone about it, as I had always been very interested in it. He had bought the pills for himself, four all together, and had taken two pills two weekends previously. He originally took just one pill, but he couldn’t 'roll' on just a single pill, so preceded to take the second pill just a minute or so after I arrived at his house. We went back to his bedroom and sat on the bed, listening to music. A friend of his, who was fairly intoxicated, came in not too long after this. My boyfriend got very touchy-feely, which he isn't normally. He told me that he liked me very much, several times. He kept asking for kisses. His friend and him seemed to be on a similar page and talked at great lengths. I was sober, and I just sat and listened. They seemed to be having a very profound conversation, it was definitely interesting. He seemed so happy and at peace. He was chewing on gum and I kept him hydrated.
My boyfriend asked if I'd like to take one of the last two pills with him, since they were so weak. I agreed. He took one pill, and I took the other. I nervously held it in my hand. I poured us both a glass of water and took my pill. He looked at me and said, 'You already took yours?' I laughed, 'Yeah, I thought you had.' So, he took his. There were a few friends over at the apartment, but no one would be rolling but the two of us. They had just decided to leave, so we’d have the apartment to ourselves. I sat nervously on the couch, watching the clock. They told me it took about an hour for the drug to kick in.
Almost exactly 30 minutes after taking the pill, I felt my body starting to feel like it was becoming more 'alive.'
So I hurried to use the bathroom, because I wasn't sure how the pill would make me feel. (Honestly, I was just so afraid I'd piss my pants or something.) I washed my hands and looked at myself in the mirror above the sink. My pupils were huge, I smiled at myself and left the bathroom. I returned to my spot on the couch beside my boyfriend, just as our friends were leaving. After the door shut, I turned to him and said, 'Mhm. Yep. Yep. Mhm. I'm rolling,' then I giggled a bit. I couldn’t stop rubbing my hands up and down my upper and lower arms. It felt so amazing to touch my skin. He was surprised that such a weak pill had already kicked in so fast for me.
I felt the sudden need to stand up. I didn't want to sit anymore. I walked around the apartment touching things. I touched the walls, the couch, everything. I made my way into the kitchen and turned on the water. I could have stood there for hours playing in the cold, rushing water. It felt so pure and beautiful running over my hands. But, I was able to keep in mind that I couldn’t be running all of that water down the drain, it might cost him money. I decided I needed a drink. I wanted to keep drinking the water, even stating, 'I don't see how people could not drink enough water! It feels so amazing running down my throat!' I said 'amazing' a lot of that night. Everything was 'amazing.' It was as if I was touching everything for the first time. I paid attention to it. I appreciated it all. I loved it all. I wanted to touch cold, hold, sharp, dull, but I could keep my senses and not do something that was going to hurt me. I had lots of gum to chew, but I wanted an ice cube. I just stuck the whole thing in my mouth. Nothing was too cold or too hot. My boyfriend had to change into a sweatshirt because he was so chilly. I felt, well, amazing.
As I was walking down his hallway, for probably the 10th time, I decided I wanted to take my clothes off. So, I did just that. Not in any sort of sexual way, I just wanted to be free of my clothing for a minute. As I entered his bedroom, I decided I wanted to wear something brighter. So I dug into my bag, and brought out an entirely different outfit. A form-fitting black tee, black leggings, and a pink plaid skirt. It had shiny, metal clasps, I think that is what really sold me. I skipped back into the living room and mentioned to my boyfriend that that was the outfit I meant to wear at the beginning of the day, but had decided on something less shocking because I had to meet his mom.
Early that night, a friend told me to make sure I touched the carpet, and I had suddenly remembered this. I dropped down the floor and laid on my back. I just ran my arms up and down and slide my legs all around, almost as if I was making a snow-angel in the carpet. Often during the night I said, 'I know I’m being so silly, but I just don't care!' He told me how easy it would be to take advantage of me in the situation I was in, and that I needed to be careful who I did this around. He was such a voice of reason. Unfortunately for him, he couldn’t roll with just the one pill, so he had to watch me skip around in complete bliss. I really wanted to go outside, but I knew this wasn't an ideal time to go walking around the city. So I opted to step out on his porch. The air felt 'amazing.' I wanted to stay out there forever, but also wanted to go back inside with my boyfriend.
I went through many ice cubes in that night. I just rubbed them all over myself. I also got my hands on a frozen bottle of water. I drank enough water, but not too much (as I knew that too much water was just as bad as not enough). I really wanted to take a shower or a bath, because I really wanted to play in the water more. My boyfriend warned that that might make me stop rolling, so I decided not to. I wanted that feeling to last as long as I could.
I wanted that feeling to last as long as I could.
I began to get very talkative. I feel as if I told my boyfriend my entire life's story. I often said 'I'm sorry, but I just can't stop talking!' He understood and was very sweet about the amount I was talking (which I know had to be annoying for him).
My boyfriend told me how much he liked me, and made me cry. But they were happy tears. I talked at great length about my father, who passed away 2 years previously. My only regret in life was not forgiving him and telling him I loved him before he died. It had been on my mind a lot, and I was feeling slightly down about it all, unsure of how to get over it. I released it that night. Just talking about it seemed to help, and E allowed me to talk about it, which I had found somewhat difficult before. I felt as if a big weight was lifted off of my shoulders.
I have this problem with my jaw, where if I open it too much or chew something very tough, that it will sort of 'pop.' I must have been holding my jaw very tense, because it kept 'popping.' I was like, 'Do you hear that? Do you want to feel it?' My boyfriend warned me that it was going to hurt me a lot the next day if I kept doing it, so I tried to stop. A couple friends came back, but went to sleep almost immediately after arriving. I wanted to hug them so badly. I wanted everyone to be as happy as I was. I couldn't even imagine feeling bad, and I said 'If I do crash tomorrow, I will just remember tonight and be fine!' I couldn't imagine crashing the next day... nothing was wrong or could go wrong that night. My jaw did start to hurt, and I put some ice on it, but I didn't mind that too much, because I got to put something cold on my face, which I really enjoyed.
I felt like a little innocent girl. I frolicked, I skipped, I danced, I smiled. I was incredibly happy. I felt like the little girl I never got to be when I was a child.
I never crashed. I never felt depressed. It has been over a week now, and I still feel just fine. In fact, the next day, I still was in pretty good spirits. Of course, I didn't feel as good as the night before, but I felt slightly better than 'normal.' My jaw is still very tense and sore. And the next day I could barely open or close it at all. I also got very dizzy and slightly nauseous the next night, but it came and went. Two nights following, I stepped out of the shower to find myself having intense vertigo, which caused me to drop to my knees. Sometimes this happens without any sort of drug. I just went straight to bed, and almost straight to sleep, and awoke the next morning feeling just fine.
The only thing that bothered me was my jaw, but it was well worth the experience. And I am very open to the idea of trying it again, just maybe next time try to find something else to help ease the tension in my jaw.
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