Citation: Lara. "The Worst 'Pass Out Hug' Ever: An Experience with Ecstasy? (exp649)". Erowid.org. Oct 9, 2000. erowid.org/exp/649
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This was my third time rolling & being part of the RAVE scene of my hometown. I had taken to the 'PLUR' (Peace Love Unity & Respect) moto of happy raving quite well and was extremely enthusiastic about rolling again with my ex. We had bonded so strongly the first two times we had done E together and I enjoyed the music so much that I felt like I was finally at home in a 'scene'. My ex and I had acquired 3 pills called 'Silver Bullets'. They looked like white tic tacs with the ends chopped off: taller than they were wide. We each did 1.5 pills and headed for a club where we were finally going to dance together on E (I had just wanted to sit and absorb everything the first two times I had rolled at a techno-oriented event). We got to the club and I still wasn't feeling anything. I had rolled a month before this particular time (and 2 weeks before that time- my first time).
I had been taking vitamins & living a healthy lifestyle so, I was wondering why I wasn't feeling anything (confident that my seretonin levels were up to par). These pills were supposed to be the best around. Well... we finally found a place to sit and socialize for a while until the effects kicked in. Soon, I was getting rushes of cold all over my body & asked my ex, 'Are you cold? Did they open the door or something?' (It was January.) He would reply that he felt fine (he had the body of a horse, being a heavy drug user his whole life). Then, I started to feel ill. I was experiencing the symptoms of food poisoning and went to the bathroom to try to throw up. (At this point, I still felt like I had control over myself.) I stood over the toilet and the saliva filled up in my mouth but nothing came up so I went back out to my ex and sat down on the floor. He squatted in front of me and held my hands, making sure I was okay. I had been drinking plenty of water and felt like I had to burp. When I let it out, my mouth was full of vomit but, I was looking my ex straight in the face so, I !
swallowed it! Then, instantly I felt the 'burping' feeling again and turned my head and threw up all over the floor and on my left side. My ex got me up and decided that he should take me back to his place. He drove my car back to his apartment. (He said that he felt a little queasy but that's all.)
I had gotten nervous about him driving my car so, I focussed on that instead of being sick and managed to get up to his room with a clear head. I had a baby's teething toy that vibrated when you bit onto it. We each bit onto a side, and closed our eyes while some calm trance music played in his room. Soon, we found ourselves matching beats. (This was the only E-like/pleasant expereince in the entire evening.)
My stomach was still a bit upset so, he offered me some weed (a bong hit). I smoked a bit and that just seemed to send me over the edge. I became paranoid, disoriented... I was aware that he was speaking to me but I wasn't exactly sure what he was saying or what my responses were. I just know that he was looking at me as if I was crazy, which didn't help much. After about 30 minutes, I couldn't stand it anymore and wanted to go home since he wasn't being of any comfort.
My ex walked me outdoors to my car. He was very worried about me driving home but was going to let me anyhow because I kept telling him I was okay. He wanted to give me what is called a 'pass-out-hug' before I left. (Two people face each other standing up and hold facing hands. They take two deep breaths in unison and on the third deep breath, you hold it, let go of your hands and hold one another as tightly as possible while still holding your breath. Then, you're suposed to let out your breaths together slowly. The desired effect is to feel as if you're melting into one another.) We'd done it many time before and it was wonderful! So, we did the 'hug' and the next thing I knew, I was thrown over the hood of my car with my ex frantically smacking my face. He told me that I blacked out for a minute or so. (He had freaked out so much that the neighbors came out in their robes to make sure everything was okay.) I got up as if nothing had happed and stumbled to the driver's door.!
I fumbled with my car keys for what seemed like an eternity, babbling that I couldn't get the key into the hole. (I had completely forgotten that I had a remote to unlock the door.) When I finally got in, my ex sat in my car with me for a while and I continued to not understand a thing he was saying. I rambled incoherently and he began to cry.
I promised him that I would get home okay and I began my adventurous drive home. Thank god, the streets were empty and I hit all the green lights. I turned up the music & the heat, rolled down the windows and attempted the smoke a cigarette as I weaved in the empty lanes. In my lap, I had my pack of cigs, my lighter, my chapstick, and my house key. I managed to break 8 cigarettes trying to get one in my mouth... that's after I put the rest of my things to my mouth. My hands we numb! They felt like they were swimming in a pool that was my lap.
When I got home safely, I gave my mom a kiss, stumbled over her dresser, took a few seconds to get the cordless phone in my hand, and I managed up the flight of stairs to my room. I paged my ex to let him know I got home okay and tried to get comfortable in bed. I took 30 minutes trying to set my alarm clock. It was as if I had never seen one before and didn't know how to use it! I finally gave up and felt sick to my stomch. I threw up in my bathroom sink, unaware that I should've aimed for the toilet and fell face first on my bed and lay motionless for an hour. I then threw up again in my trashcan and passed out.
I felt horrible and anxious the next day. I wasn't completely myself for over a week afterwards. (Smoking weed during that week only brought back the panic feelings.)
I was later told that the strain of pills I had taken were laced with LSD and Crystal Meth. Then, I was told that it wasn't LSD but mescaline. I had never done any of the three before. [erowid note - the effects described can easily be attributed to an MDMA overdose, confusion, vomiting, memory & thinking disruption, etc. Mescaline is not sold as ecstasy, this is a common myth.]
I have done E twice more since then. My 4th time was with a group of close friends in a house where we all sat around and talked. That was my best roll ever, on one pill. The last time was at a local rave, with a girl friend who had never rolled before. She was a punkrock girl & not open to the love that can be shared through E (as much as I tried to get her to try some roll-bumping activities). She sat expressionless all evening and watched the crowds. The lack of stimulation kept me from 'rolling face' and I feel as if I wasted my money that evening.
I'm taking some time off from E now. I feel that MDMA is a chemical which can be too easily altered by many factors in a good or 'unstimulating' (wasting your money) kind of way.
If you're rolling with others, they should be close friends with some past experience & who also like to enjoy the same aspects of the experience that you enjoy. You need to be in a safe environment where you feel comfortable, not a place that you normally would feel awkward. You need to be open to exploring yourself & all the different ways you can make yourself more spiritualy/mentally/physically aware. You MUST have access to and drink plenty of cold water. You shouldn't dance yourself into a heat stroke as E has a tendency to raise your body temperature. If you've taken something that makes you feel anything but wonderful/peaceful, try to throw it up and stay with a straight-minded friend who will keep you calm and look out for your best interests. E is an amazing drug that shows you the way life should be all the time... peaceful and loving. You have to also be careful not to let your harsh reality depress you after the next-day-afterglow has faded. Chronic use of E can cause the parts of your brain cells that process serotonin to temporarily shut down (as a defense mechanism to prevent permanent damage), this can cause depression that can sometimes last for months, depending on use. [erowid note: Experience reports may contain technical explanations which are not necessarily correct.]
Try to look at E as a 'vacation'... you can't take vacations but only a few times a year!
Party responsibly and keep the PLUR!
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