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Incessant Introspection
LSD
by Alex
Citation:   Alex. "Incessant Introspection: An Experience with LSD (exp64978)". Erowid.org. Feb 15, 2017. erowid.org/exp/64978

 
DOSE:
2 hits   LSD (blotter / tab)

BODY WEIGHT: 11 st


I deserved what happened to me. I ignored set and setting.

I was going through something of a personal crisis Ė learning that I had a personality disorder, coping with a very difficult relationship, in a time of great flux and confusion over the path I want to take in life. I also decided to take my acid at a party completed unsuited to it.

I dropped 2 tabs as soon as I arrived. Iíve taken a lot of acid, and this was definitely very strong stuff. One of my friends had also dropped 2 before I arrived, and he looked as if he was experiencing intense G-Force. His eyes were rolling back in his head and he had no control over his limbs, grabbing, with fearful strength, at whoever was near. I was a lot more experienced than him, however, so was relatively unperturbed.

Around half an hour later I was feeling nauseous. The malaise continued for around an hour, but I did not vomit. During this period, the party started kicking off. Around 200 people, most of whom I barely knew, piled into the house. There was literally no room to move.

At this point the visuals started. Intricate patterns wove themselves into the concrete yard, spilling out into the air. This patterning grew more intense over the next 15 minutes or so, until it hit a peak where reality began dissolving into a buzzing neon wireframe. It was as if I was seeing the fundamental space which matter occupies, complete with chromatic energy fluctuations
It was as if I was seeing the fundamental space which matter occupies, complete with chromatic energy fluctuations
Ė a complex vibrating 3D grid. At this point it made no difference whether I had my eyes open or closed. I was elated at these visuals I was presented with, in full 360 degree vision. However, I fought these hallucinations, as this was not the kind of place to totally lose contact with reality.

After this, things began to turn sour in my head. Acid, for me, has always transposed my mental state, most of all, onto peopleís facial expressions. I saw distaste and disinterest in everyoneís faces. I felt horribly out of place. This was made worse by the fact that a lot of the people running the party have an unpleasant and hostile history with my girlfriend. This started a snowballing of negative thoughts in my head. It snowballed and snowballed until it seemed like I had hundreds of voices in my head, screaming vitriolic insults that pierced my deepest insecurities. I find it easy to lose control of my thought processes on acid. It can only take a seemingly insignificant trigger.

I was relieved to get a taxi back to my girlfriend's. I managed to interact with the driver relatively normally, despite the hyper-powered chaos in my head. I felt as if my mind had almost limitless power. I could run multiple separate conscious logical chains, and the speed of resolution of each chain was markedly faster than normal. Unfortunately, most of this was concentrated on self-criticism.

At my girlfriend's, I was filled with explosive energy. I couldnít sit still. I felt like I was on a large dose of amphetamine. I couldnít stop dancing Ė and leaping to the ceiling - to my hardtrance CD, it helped quell the introspective torrent in my head.

It didnít last, however, and I ended up getting very angry and frustrated with my girlfriend and the situation weíre in and my friendsí part in its creation. The acid had opened emotional floodgates. I was crying with rage and ended up leaving as the sun was coming up, following an argument with my girlfriend.

The walk home was one of the worst experiences of my life. This was the point when the trip turned into a true introspective nightmare. Stuck in my own head in the early hours of the morning, I nearly broke down a few times, until I had climbed the tallest hill in the city, where I collapsed in tears. The scene was unbearably beautiful, the juxtaposition of my emotional state and the acid enhanced scene of my entire hometown in sunrise was unbearable.

I went home (around 10 hours after dropping) and the visuals were still going strong. My room was morphing and overlaid with fractal patterns. Staring out the windows at the clouds, they turned into simple spheroid blobs lining a tunnel stretching to a vanishing point with an empyrean glow. Such beautiful effects distracted me, if it were not for them, I would have been even worse.

I made the mistake of looking in the mirror. My reflection became a personification of everything I hate about myself. It felt so real I was pushed into a suicidal state, and I started hitting myself and tearing at my skin. The next two hours of trying to get to sleep were some of my darkest hours. Although the visuals started to subside, the acid enhanced introspection continued and worsened. I eventually got to sleep after smoking a large joint of extremely strong skunk.

This was the most mentally oriented acid trip Iíve ever had. Iíve had stronger visuals, but never has my mind been so profoundly affected. During the whole trip, I could conjure up fantastic, often disgusting, scenes in my mindís eye that were completely clear and elaborately intricate. They were often fast moving geometric patterns, whose units were made up of objects and people from my everyday life. This is a poor description of how they were experienced, however. They were often decidedly unpleasant, especially at home in my darkest hours, and the patterning and interactions seemed to logically display horrible truths about my life.

Conclusion: This was an astoundingly interesting experience. It was, however, not one I wish to repeat. When people say set and setting are important, they really mean it. The day after, I still felt quite suicidal. Itís 3 days later, and I still havenít left the house.

Exp Year: 2007ExpID: 64978
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Feb 15, 2017Views: 1,401
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LSD (2) : Various (28), Hangover / Days After (46), Difficult Experiences (5)

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