Citation: normalwoman. "I Am an Addict: An Experience with Tramadol (exp65477)". Erowid.org. May 19, 2008. erowid.org/exp/65477
I wanted to give my story since I've been taking Ultram for about 7 years. I was married to a pharmacist and I had a constant supply of it. I tried to not take too much because I was afraid that if he caught on that I was doing this recreationally he wouldn't bring it home anymore. Plus, his mother is a nurse and gave us a huge bag of free samples every few months. All of this was great. I never really thought of it as an addiction. I just thought I loved it since it made me feel like I could handle my otherwise crappy marriage.
Well, after a while even the ultram couldn't keep us together. I left him and there went my supply. I managed to beg him to give it to me, even dangling the prospect of us getting together in front of him. Finally, we got into a huge fight and I ran out. It was then that I realized how desperately I needed it. I was even considering breaking into my mother in law's house while she was out of town and stealing her bag of samples. It was at this point that I decided I should just bite the bullet and buy it online.
That was four months ago and I've already gone through 500 pills. It's getting expensive but I don't know how to survive without it. And now the long term effects are starting to show themselves. I sometimes feel like that guy from Memento who can't remember anything after a few minutes. I make mistakes at work that are outrageously stupid and it's because I'll tell someone I'll do something and then completely forget that I ever had a conversation with them.
Recently, I've been feeling some chest tightness that runs into my left arm. I thought it might be a heart attack, but it wasn't that painful and I have low blood pressure. I've had these episodes about six times. I sort of think it might be anxiety attacks or something but I'm not really stressed out so I don't know. Also, I've found that the problems urinating can be combated by drinking massive amounts of water before I take the pills. But I do feel soreness in what has to be my kidneys if I take over 300 mgs.
Also I have to time when I take the pills depending on what I have to do that day. When I start crashing from the pills I am like an angry dog (a bitch if you will) and I snap at my kids and others around me. I often wonder if tramadol is a wonder drug or a nightmare drug. The dependency is such a subtle snowball that it's hard to not let it become part of my life. But on the flipside, it is something I can do and still have an adult life that works. I have an aunt who went to prison for forging prescriptions for percocet. I guess I feel grateful that I am addicted to a drug that doesn't force me to do things like that.
One day I'd like to stop because I've forgotten what kind of person I am without it. I started taking it when I was 22 and I am now 29. The only breaks I've taken was when I was pregnant and it's not like I was my normal self in that state! I don't think I would recommend this drug to anyone, because in my opinion, it has little effect for pain killing. But I would completely understand why someone would take it and why they would take it forever.
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