Citation: Sherlockalien. "Every Second is a Galaxy: An Experience with Ayahuasca (exp65966)". Erowid.org. Nov 29, 2007. erowid.org/exp/65966
It has been nearly a whole year since my last ayahuasca experience. In this year that passed, life brought me many learning experiences, and I was interested to see how much I had really grown and how much was just my ego thinking I had grown. A friend called me to say there was a Shaman from an amazon tribe passing a few days here and that he would be doing a ritual in a nature place in the farm of some other friend, and I was immediately interested.
The Shaman was young in the consensual age count (28 years old), but he was a wise old man in an internal essence age, as I could see in his eyes the first moment I met him. I arranged a ride with the owner of the farm, and we went Saturday afternoon, knowing the ritual would take place Saturday night, about 10 pm. What follows is a description of what I passed through. Even though I could only express an inkling of my experience, it became very long, so I tried to make it an interesting read. Hope you all enjoy :)
The Place and the People
It all took place in a circle in some foresty area in this friend´s farm, but close to the house in case someone needed a bathroom or something of the kind. In the middle of the circle there was a fire, that was kept alive by one specific guy. Around were trees, sound of insects and birds and in distance there was nice green hill to look at.
It was in total 20 people, half of which I knew. It was actually more people than I expected, which made me quite apprehensive since the group influences a lot how the experience will be. There were about 5 people who were taking for the first time. All of the people in the ritual were reasonably young, in their 20´s, and there were 6 females in the group. In Santo Daime rituals, normally they divide the circle so that one half of it is where the females are and one half where the males. They say it has an energetic reason, but the Shamans don’t do this in the tribe, it is a less rigid ritual, so the girls and the guys were sitting mixed, the girlfriends could stay next to their boyfriends.
The Shaman explained to the first-timers a little bit how each person will go through their own internal voyage, and how it may at some times get rough but that he will be there taking care, and that the difficulties, and also the purging/cleansing (vomiting, crying, sweating, nose running) is an important part of the process that some may have to go through. He also explained to those that didn’t know that he would be singing in his own language, but that the language was not about us understanding the lyrics, but rather to feel the energy of the sounds, and that each song had a definite objective, some to increase the visions, others to increase the strength, others to bring an inner peace, etc. He then said it would start soon, that we should all concentrate, and he went to walk around the circle a few times smoking his natural tobacco in a shamanic pipe.
And it Starts……..
The shaman took two glass bottles out of a bag with a thick brown liquid inside. He made some prayers in his native language and started giving to people. He gave in counter-clockwise order, each time looking at the person first, then filing up the glass accordingly to how he felt it was needed for each person. In my turn, the first bottle was finished and he was already on the second one. This made me a bit apprehensive, wondering if it would be enough, specially since last times I took the first glass was not enough for the trip to start. Little did I know…
He filled up the glass almost to the top. I drank it down in a few big gulps at once, feeling that very strong and particular taste.
The Shaman then started singing very low, and was gradually getting louder in the perfect timing as I started to feel the energy. This energy started like a peculiar light-headedness, and increased to a strong body feeling, like as if my body parts melted together. Sometimes it was very hard getting out of a position, I felt really stuck. One position I stayed for long moments, for example, was sitting down with my legs crossed, holding my face with both hands and with the elbows resting on my legs. Many times I lost sense of where my hands were, where my face was. I started having visions of fractals, shapes.
After some time the Shaman asked if those that were not feeling anything yet wanted to take a second dose. I was feeling it but I said I wanted too. I felt I wanted to go all the way down the hole, inspect my soul from the beginning. I gulped down the second glass and felt that soon I would have one of the strongest experiences of my life.
The (eternally long) peak
The visions had increased tenfold. The shaman singing was incredible, I felt a very wise science in the chants. The songs were fractal themselves, with a very intelligent mix of repetition and changes. He maintained certain tones for long, others were really quick. There was nothing random about it. Some songs brought full visions like I wouldn´t believe it was possible. I was seeing worlds inside my eyes. It was very hard keeping my eyes opened, I couldn´t really stare at things, too much light even if it was night, so I kept them shut most of the time. There were layers and layers and layers of some impressive dynamic colourful material. Light emanated from every part, a light that contained all knowledge existing.
And then I saw them. There were beings, they were all looking over me. They were very advanced, dynamic, colourful but half-transparent, so I couldn´t really delineate where one ended and where another began. I started feeling a certain energy knot in my stomach, and they were looking at it. I noticed the knot slowly coming up, and I saw that it was the beings bringing this knot up. I felt like I wanted to vomit that knot to get it over with.. but no, you really think it´s that easy? It was going slooooowly up, and I saw those beings ´operating´ me. It wasn´t scary, it wasn´t as if I was abducted by aliens or something. It was beings of light I saw with my eyes closed and I felt they wanted only good.
They were operating on my knot, and they were pointing at it. I had the definite feeling/intuition that they were telling me: When this comes out, you´re going to receive a present. After I don’t know how long, me being lost in myself stuck to where I was sitting with this half-nausea but half-beautiful visions and light experience, I saw it was time to take it out. I stood up god-knows-how, took two steps and started to vomit. It was really a cleansing and I felt like I got rid of that stuck energy pattern.
I was feeling like I wanted to pee for a long time so I used the opportunity to go to the bathroom too. As I was walking around finally free from that bad feeling inside of me, I was receiving lessons after lessons. I had visions of myself sitting in the computer wasting hours and hours. I saw myself doing nothing even when I was externally doing something, like doing my stretching or exercises but having my mind already thinking of what to do next. I saw how much I should really do things, take iniciative, use every second properly. At this moment, I was on the way to the bathroom and I ran into a guy that was also walking around a bit. I looked at him and said: ´Man, we can´t waste time. Gotta make life worth living.´ And he answered me back: ´I know. Every second is a galaxy.´ We had read each other´s mind.
I continued my way, with the lessons going over and over in my mind. I knew something had to be done when I got home, and I almost wanted to already be home so I could put it in practice. But there was much to go through still. Over and over I was receiving lessons of me needing to make my life the best life ever. I wanted to be the best person in the universe. I felt like the important question to continually ask myself was: If I died right now, would I be satisfied with this last second?
I went back to the circle and listened to the shaman singing. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. I wished he could sing forever. In normal height, he was smaller than a friend we nickname ´dwarf´, but as I was sitting there, I saw him as a giant! He was huge, infinite meters tall, watching over all of us, singing songs from an ancient past. I visualized him with a bow and arrow, or a shield, like a warrior. He was fearless, he didn’t hesitate for one second even though he had to deal with everyone´s energy. It was such a responsibility.
Every once in a while someone would vomit. It was a part of the ritual, the language of the bowels. The incredible was that the person was not alone, we were all there with whoever was going through purging. We were a unity, we had a strong energy string connecting us all. Every time someone was purging, we were giving them strength and love inside of us.
I had gone through the ´life worth living´ stage and it seemed to be quieting down. The shaman said we should make a pause. He went one by one, asking how we were, if we needed anything, if we wanted to say something. He made jokes with us, saying we should go brush our teeth, take a shower (tasks that were obviously impossible to most of us), so we were all laughing. It showed me even more how attentive he was to us, how it wasn’t just any guy there leading the session. After a few minutes, he said that now the last part would come, and whoever wanted to take another dose was free to do it. I went for it. Gulped a smaller glass in one sip and sat down in my place. The last, and maybe strongest part was about to come.
After a few minutes, I started having vision of animals. I saw life, in all it´s manifestations. I saw how it was all the same, all were god. Each form of life was me, in that stage of evolution. I saw it in their eyes. A vision of a butterfly came, and I saw god, or consciousness, or me, trapped in the butterfly´s body. I saw that part of the story where I was still a butterfly. This was followed by a vision of my dog, and I saw in her eyes how she was also Consciousness, being received and transformed according to her innate possibilites. I felt sorry for my dog, for still having to go through so much evolution, so many lives, till she reaches the end.
I thought of myself, and how I´m further up the ladder, and I saw how this doesn´t make it easier. The more we grow, the more responsibilities we have. We have to take account for everything that is below us, to be able to ´know´ everything we have passed through until our stage in evolution. It is like pushing a coil, a spring, that the more you go forward the more strength you have to make.
I saw how life worked, like some sort of game. Just like we can visualize a game of chess, for example, I visualized what the game of life was about. It is a non-linear story that we all go through, from single-celled organisms to complex animals like us humans, and then the inner evolution we humans have to go through. All forms of life are Consciousness manifested in these particular bodies, having to go through the experience of that level, dying, being reborn. It´s a lot of suffering, a lot of learning, but the universe feeds on it. In this interconnected system, each form of life is like an alchemical mechanism, receiving, transforming and emanating certain vibrations needed for the evolution of that Consciousness and for the cosmos. Life is an integral part of the universal balance. It all depends on us.
While I was having these visuals, a friend touched me, I opened my eyes and he asked me to come with him. I went with him, and somewhere a bit farther away the shaman was sitting down in the forest and he asked us to join him. I lighted up a joint I had pre-rolled and we all started smoking. The shaman looked at me, as if he knew what was just starting in my mind.
As I sat down with them and closed my eyes, there came the negative visions. I felt all the excesses and non-harmonious things we humans do. I saw oil spills, murders, animal mistreating, dogs being beaten, pollution, fights. I cried, from the bottom of my heart. I cried so strongly, and then it got calmer again, and then I cried again, in cycles. I felt the universe working in super-imposed cycles, like gears connected to each other. It was the same with time which is cyclic, as the mayas saw it, even though from our perspective it gives the impression of a linear time. And the same it was for my suffering, that came and went in a rhythm. I felt like I had to go through it, how I was gonna see those things for as long as was necessary.
I continuously went back to crying a lot, seeing all the shit humanity makes. I was like atlas, holding the weight of all the earth, barely supporting. I saw mother earth being rapped, and I was being crucified for it. I was paying for the world´s karma, and it was not easy. The shaman was all the time sitting next to me, watching over me. At some point he asked: “do you think its enough and you want me to stop it? Or you want to continue, with discipline?” He was not just saying it, he really did have the power to stop my trip if he wanted. I thought about stopping, but decided for the hard way, and I answered I would continue. He nodded, accepting my decision.
I continued feeling all these things for a while, in cycles, but not in never-moving repetitive cycles, but rather like spirals that go back and forward and back again, but slowly going up into higher levels of understanding. I finally realized whyI was feeling that: So that I didn’t repeat those mistakes, so that I made my contribution to the world. Everything we do, we have to think of the consequences not only for us or for the ones around us, but also for all the generations that are to come. Every decision must be done with all our grand grand grand grand children in mind.
The trip slowly settled down and the shaman closed the session. I could not help but feeling thankful for all those visions. Even with all the hard part, it came with a feeling of hope, of a positive responsibility and of a desire for getting better. I am glad I had this opportunity and will try to put in practice all I have learned. Thank you for reading :)
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