Citation: Vicham. "And Through Light Darkness Found It's Name: An Experience with Amphetamines (Adderall), Methylphenidate, & Cannabis (exp66072)". Erowid.org. Apr 28, 2012. erowid.org/exp/66072
This is my account of the single worst experience I have had with mind altering substances. I want to say that I take Singulair and Zyrtec HCI for allergies on a daily basis. The effect (if any)that they had on me during the following account is unknown.
-Let us shake hands, we are all gentlemen here...
I am 17 years old and have been a user for 3 years now, in that time period I have had the pleasure of meeting a many friendly faces, Cannabis, Amphetamine, Cocaine, Opiates, benzodiazepines, MDMA, barbiturates, inhalants, mushrooms, alcohol, Lsd, cyclobenziprine, and 2ce have left me with an apathetic world views and fuzzy bittersweet memories of so called 'life'. My increased depression drove me to my recent reduction in my inhibitions.
(Thursday, 7:20 am) It was a typical Thursday at school, I received 30mg of Ritalin downing it quickly with baking soda water.
(Thursday, 8:50) About 90 minutes later I received 13 30 mg pills of adderall and took three of them on the spot. I was speeding for the rest of the day, got my work done, loved the world, kissed the sky and spent the night conscious and confident.
-What goes up must come down...
(Friday, 6am) I started to cooperate with the laws of physics the next morning. So I said 'fuck it, it's a Friday, what have you got to lose?' I took three more and proceeded through the day once again feeling positive, though a bit dazed. I felt tired when I got home and new I would need some 'encouragement' in order to sleep.
-Fight or flight
(Saturday, 12:00am) I decided to smoke some cannabis and try to sleep, In fact I smoked some, and then some. Maybe it was because I hadn't slept in 41 hours, or maybe it was a speed induced impulse that led me to rolling a blunt and smoking it via a two liter bottle. I did this by burning a hole at the bottom of the bottle and then sticking the blunt in when it was the right size. I smoked quickly, like a greedy rat eating up all the poison.(What do you call that? Karma? Survival?)
(Saturday, 12:20am) After numerous liters of smoke had taken the expressway into my bloodstream, disaster struck. I felt a rapid increase in my heart rate, in fact, I had never felt my heart beat like this before. Within minutes I began to feel faint, my chest began to hurt, breathing became very difficult. I had to strain to take deep breaths. I proceeded to clutch my chest, applying pressure to it with my fingers. My heart continued to beat rapidly and I began to fear the worst. I tried to look up heart attacks on the net but I could barely focus on the screen. I stood up and laid down on my bed.
After a few minutes of labored breathing I began to sweat heavily. I felt like if I didn't do something I would die. I looked at my computer noticing my desktop background, a red and black blotchy mess with a loose and easily malleable. This image scared me, it was like a foreshadowing of an inevitable outcome. With great difficulty, I fought my half conscious state, willing myself to the bathroom, I splashed water on my face and sat on the toilet, The bathroom was cool, and I was happy to be out of my room.
-Down the path, bandaged in rags, to hell we unwillingly go...
(Saturday, 1:00am) Upon returning to my room, I tried to relax on my bed. My heart continued to beat at a rapid rate and I still felt I had to apply pressure to my chest. Every breath took effort. I got very close to going unconscious several times due to lack of oxygen. At some point, while rolling in my delirium I heard my heart beat in my ears slow to a complete stop. I panicked, took in a deep breath and woke up realizing I had passed out for about 5 seconds. I spent the next two and a half hours splashing water on my face from a water bottle, while lying in bed clutching my chest and struggling to get proper air intake. The water seemed to give me a sort of shock. The shock gave me a small amount of time to take in deeper breaths. (Note: I believe that at least a 1/4 of my bad experience was induced by my state of mind.)
-And through light darkness found it's name...
(Saturday 2:00 am) I thought I was going to die. I was convinced that I would depart, unbeknownst to the only person that I truly cared about. I imagined my dead body, the expression on people's faces at the funeral, I could feel how they might feel. I didn't want to feed the growing number of ignorant human beings who hold drugs in contempt for their losses.
I awoke today at about 7:00am, to my pleasant surprise found that my mortality had sustained itself through the night. I immediately converted myself to an agnostic shedding my invisible atheist threads and bought some 'Bayers aspirin.' I have been short of breath throughout the day and earlier I felt quite weak. I have done extensive research on tachycardia, heart attacks, and sleep deprivation today. I have yet to decide the culprit for my recent nocturnal assailant. I have had two small meals and about 7 hours of sleep in two days. I have felt chest pains, shortness of breath, tachycardia, and fatigue once before when I went two days without sleeping while on Adderall, however I did not smoke cannabis during that experience.
I'm feeling anxious as I sit here reflecting on this report. I don't really think I had a heart attack but I feel like I had something damn close. For now I have come to the conclusion that my years of drug use, sleep deprivation, and excessive cannabis and amphetamine intake gave my body a serious jolt. Perhaps I am wrong, but I don't think that I would be alive if I had had a heart attack.
But I might be wrong... Oh and there is a moral to this story but I'll leave that up to you to figure out.
Until whenever. -Vicham
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