Citation: Xorkoth. "Everything: An Experience with 4-AcO-DMT, AMT & 2C-B (exp66122)". Erowid.org. Nov 3, 2007. erowid.org/exp/66122
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*NOTE: This experience was written under the influence of a large amount of powerful psychedelic drugs, and is a little bit extreme in its descriptions. Also, at this time I had a significant amount of physical tolerance due to overuse of psychedelics*
I am in the eastern time zone.
7:30pm - Ingest the rest of my AMT, about 40mg, converted to HCl salt and dissolved in water, rectally. A weak form of the blessed euphoria it causes develops, and the love and euphoria I've been feeling for the past 3 months increases dramatically. I have been using way too many psychedelics lately.
1:15am - Ingest 16mg of 2C-B HCl rectally.
2:05 - Ingest 18mg 4-AcO-DMT orally.
2:13 - Alerts. This one is oh-so-fast.
2:32 - With some hesitation, I decide to take 20mg more, also orally.
2:34 - I feel the extra dose kicking in already. Fortunately, psilocybin's acetoxy ester is an astounding gentle and pleasant chemical.
2:35 - More music enhancement already than all the previous drugs have done.
2:37 - It has started to be more difficult to focus long enough to read, and it's getting slightly harder to type. So DMT-like! Not much in the way of CEVs (yet, or as I suspect, at all). This one seems to shine with the eyes open. I notice a 'jewelling' of the vision again.
2:39 - I notice it comes in distinct waves, and another just hit. I seem to be retaining the ability to type more this time, and also seem to have retained the will to communicate.
2:41 - Jeweling of words has begun.
2:43 - I keep wondering why it hasn't hit me with another wave yet. Evidence of time dilation! I'm euphoric now, very much so but in a calm way. Mainly it's a buzzing full-body euphoria that feels almost exactly like n,n-DMT.
2:49 - Just switched the music to Ferry Corsten's 'Tsunami One' disc 1. The drug (or combination anyway) makes it very desirable to have the same type of music playing as you would during MDMA. I can see colors and wavy shapes all around my vision, more and more as it strays from the center of my focus. It's generally grid-like, but doesn't give the impression of a grid. I seem to discovered a way to make the ultimate drug. AMT provides the amazing euphoria and 4-AcO-DMT provides the body high, visual enhancement and music euphoria. You can add things like 2C-B in to further flavor the experience but those are the main components.
2:54 - Turned up the music with the realization that I should focus more on the experience than with taking notes.
3:00 - With less hesitation this time, I dosed 16mg more. Simultaneously, a whole host of sirens go by, very close to my apartment. I start to think about all the things recently that seem to be acting as signs. A number of specific posts by Bluelight friends about me tripping too often. My engagement and our pressing need to save for a wedding, honeymoon, car, and house. The fact that I've been ludicrously happy and rock-solid in my spirituality for a good 3 months. The fact that I have a single dose left of an exceedingly rare and powerful psychedelic, and it's really my responsibility as a researcher of these compounds to try it when my mind is fresh. The fact that a Bluelight friend Church had recently begun a long break from psychedelics. I need to find out if I can be that way without the drugs. I've known this for quite some time. So it appears that I should enjoy the experience at hand, for it will be my last for a good long while!
3:11 - I keep seeing my vision skip like it lagged a frame. I also have felt several times strong presences move very close to me and through the room, like last time. I'm also feeling a breeze hit my arms, and I'm feeling the vibrations of footsteps.
3:15 - I get a strong impression that all of these events are placed here purposely to construct the story of my life. Synchronicity. I feel like this trip will be a turning point in my life.
3:21 - I'm tapped in very strongly to the collective consciousness, in a unique and very utile way indeed. I feel as if I know everything but am still me, Xorkoth. I've never experienced this type of ego interaction, this much utility out of the state.
It's because I smoke weed on the come-up, which clouds my ability to remain fully conscious in the experience. This applies to everyone, not just me. I've just decided to talk as if I were the collective consciousness. I see myself as an incarnation of it to help the world, to provide the world information. I am always this, but at certain times I am able to do so more strongly and directly, like now. I have been feeling like this for some time, but now I can see it all in so much more clarity. I can see what I'm thinking of from any number of angles at once. I feel endless. I am about to start a new chapter in my life, and I can see clearly how everything previous has made me who I am. Everything makes sense. This is a '+4', a turning point.
I have been typing stream-of-consciousness with a bit of conscious oversight, and I will continue to do so in an attempt to record all my thoughts, although I will most certainly fail as I can only write one line of thought at once. I am going to write this report by providing the unedited notes that I'm writing now first, then a sober reflective piece afterwards. Note to trippers, 4-AcO-DMT seems to be highly capable of causing this type of experience, at high doses. Although this may be due to suggestion and selection from a closed group of trippers all in a similar spiritual place. But because of synchonicity, well, I guess it is 4-AcO-DMT after all.
This one is very special indeed. I mean, my experience right this very moment is adding to all of life's experience of the chemical. I am making history right this moment because this report is adding to the collective opinion and experience of the chemical, and it resides in the subconsciousness of everyone forever. This is everyone's realization, not just my own. We are all one indeed. So it's like the chicken and the egg. Is it this drug, or the psychedelic experience? Is this drug the ultimate psychedelic, embodying all the societal archetypes, or is it just because of those very archetypes that this experience is happening, further reinforcing those archetypes? What is real? The dragon eating its tail. perfection, duality, dichotomy. Euphoria and fear are the same, two sides of the same coin. Love and hate. You can only hate someone you love or have loved. Otherwise you will feel at worst indifference or disfavor.
Depression and happiness are the same energy moving through the body, only happiness radiates outward, or rather the energy radiates outward causing a sensation of release which feels good and produces the emotion we know as happiness. Depression is the same energy but malfunctioning, perverted to form a closed loop, a feedback loop, which produces a physical sensation that feels unpleasant, which produces the emotion we call depression. Happiness is undirected love. Euphoria is love with a direction which is pointing at all of creation. it radiates from the solar plexus, whereas happiness/depression center in the heart, and the stomach area as well, secondarily. The opposite of euphoria is anxiety. Or rather, the malfunctioning of that energy is anxiety, a closed loop at the solar plexus. We commonly call that sensation 'butterflies in the stomach'. This is why depression and anxiety are so often related to one another, because the centers of energy are so close and the physical sensations can often lead to the other energy malfunctioning as well.
3:52 - I had a break in the stream of consciousness because I had to pee. While in there I thought of everything. Now I'm having trouble trying to record it all. I feel like I'm tapping into everyone else's mind for answers to whatever it is I'm thinking about. Will anyone have any questions to respond to this report with? Will reading this report provide enlightenment? Or am I delusional? I know the answer! Ha! One type of person will immediately scoff without really considering the ideas, not even really reading the entire report. Pretty much skipping around, getting a few key words. Their perception will be that I'm a nut. I've gone totally crazy. I'm a retarded-ass kid who calls himself a 'psychonaut'. I am that type of person for the time being.
I hate the word psychonaut - it fills me with rage. It turns out I'm actually an extremely angry person. I have been perverted to hate the world, when our natural state is love, when love would literally solve all the world's problems, because it would cause us to all treat everything else with compassion and as we would want to be treated were the roles reversed. Then how would anything be wrong? To be wrong would upset the balance, and we would have no reason to do that. It would be insane to do that, totally illogical. We have more than enough resources to feed everyone on the planet if the rich would provide for the poor, who they would love, so they would of course feed them to insure they lived. Of course no one would hate, which would mean no wars, no religious hatred because spirituality is universal and they're all pointing at the same thing: love and we are all one.
But of course this is the human joke. Human nature vs. perfection (another dichotomy). But what if I explain how to be perfect? Here it is, it's shockingly simple. As a person, all I can do is make sure I do nothing but output love into the universe. That will cause everything I encounter to give me love in return. This insures that I am happy, even euphoric, 100% of the time, without drugs. If I do this, everyone will be happy and the world will be perfect. Can one person cause this change in humanity, as a rippling in the pool of existence and life that grows, slowly at first and then with increasing speed to eventually become the new pool? Perhaps. I think so. I know so, if we will all agree to it.
Is that the change in state of consciousness that seems to be coming? Is it 2012? It could be. Can we do it? I have faith in humanity... I think we can do it! I will just abandon my hate! It's heavy and causes me deep, deep pain. I know it does. I will stop denying it, stop lying to myself. There is just absolutely no need for it. Whatever that person did to me, just drop it. It doesn't matter how much it hurt me. I will stop allowing someone else, outside forces, to control my life. They have no power, none at all, unless I let them. I will not make their problem my problem. What happened to me is their problem, not mine even one bit. It is not my fault. It is not my fault. It is not my problem. I am free of them. My past makes me who I am, but I have the ability to interpret that in any way that I choose. I have 100% control over my destiny. Bitter, jealous? Why? Why waste a single nanosecond of my precious life, that beautiful gift that I have which is mine and which no one can take away from me unless they kill me, and even then they cannot lower the quality of the life that I lived. Only I can do that, by lying to myself.
4:31 - I suddenly feel that I've communicated pretty much everything there is to say about this. I've communicated the gist of it. In case you couldn't tell, I decided to just post this as-is. I've mostly come down from the drug and am going to bed, as I have to work tomorrow. The mindstate remains entirely intact, but with much, much less force. I know that I will always be able to access the collective consciousness when I choose. I have some ideas, but I know it will take discipline and lots of practice.
This stream of consciousness put into the physical is my gift to you. It represents a total cleansing of myself, and it represents the same to all of you. A clean slate. A new state of consciousness. A new way of life, of everything. This is everyone's trip, all of our trip, my personal trip, an eternal trip, historical. This is important! Here, have my +4, my turning point, my spiritual revolution become your own. A new, happy life, forever, one with ourselves, each other, everything, infinity, the void, life, death, love, hate, good, bad, pleasure, and pain. Love yourself forever, and we will all live in love forever. I love you, and I want you to experience this with me.
I, Xorkoth, pledge to live my life this way, as best as I am able, forever, with all my heart.
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