DOSE:

LSD

BODY WEIGHT:

250 lb

I think that my experiences with LSD are best related in context. I derived great benefits from the use of it over time. I don’t think that I could relay the impact in a single anecdote, so I intend to present context in the form of short biographical segments that I hope will highlight the changes that I believe that these experiences facilitated in me.

Before I did acid for the first time, I was an intelligent, ignorant, redneck high school dropout. I had been sexually abused as a child by an elderly babysitter when I was a toddler and again by two different sets of neighbors from the ages of 12-14. Needless to say, I wasn’t capable at that time of leading a psychologically healthy life alone, much less in groups. I did have a persona that allowed barging through my life, completely unaware of the effects that I had on others. This led to me leaving a large wake of resentment behind me as I moved from group to group. My first LSD experience was horrible at the time. It ripped me out of my habitual self and presented me with a vast and terrible view of an abyss between me and everyone else. This was the first time that I had ever doubted myself, and man when you get into that sort of thing while under the influence of a powerful psychoactive, it really has profound affects. I suddenly became lonely and afraid. At first, I think that I maintained my old persona pretty well, but after a repeat experience and more epic revelation of my seemingly pitiful nature, it collapsed.

I became depressed. I got kicked out of art school and moved back home. I began a series of bizarre excursions into the darkest parts of me with the help of THC, which I will not relate here. From 1991 until 1995 that is where I remained.

During the summer-winter of 1995 I fell into a group of folks with access to a large amount of LSD in a liquid solution. It was very potent and, for my purposes, an unlimited number of doses. During this time my life consisted of nearly bi-weekly “tripping”, music, reading and self-examination. Most of my LSD experiences involved small groups of friends numbering less than 5. Occasionally there would be parties with groups upwards of 50 people, all on some form of mind altering substance. During many other of my experiences I was entirely alone. The group experiences invariably became twisted somehow by the obliteration of social filters that otherwise allowed people to get along with folks that they didn’t like very much. These times were especially challenging for me in that it brought the full power of the psychedelic experience and group condemnation to bear on me and my current situation. This tended to reinforce my belief that I was a failure as a person.

The solo trips were mostly full of introspection, music, and self-experimentation with my brain as a perceptual device. During these, I experienced everything from reality splitting into 8 separate component universes, vividly monochromatic with each one contributing some aspect of reality, the blue calculation component, the green self-organization component, and watching my brain attempt to assemble a meaningful image from this vision, to feeling like the creator of the universe. I remember telling one of my acquaintances (whose couch I had been sleeping on for nearly a year, rent free) that I felt like god, that we were all god and that all was love. He responded with, “what the fuck are you talking about? Look at you, you can’t even get a job and you are telling me that you are God! You’re not any better than the rest of us.”

That was one of the key moments in my process of living:
I felt bad for him. He didn’t understand! He had trapped himself in an ugly world where his fear and hate were the shackles that bound him. I realized that I could do nothing, could say nothing that would show him this. If he were to live in a beautiful world, he would have to build it himself so that he could understand that HE was the architect and only then would he be able to hear me. At the same moment I clearly saw the trap that I had lived in for so long. This time I had elevated perception and I could see a way out.

In my personal experiences, LSD fostered a mind-state in which I was a psychologist, sociologist, anthropologist, neurobiologist, linguist and artist all focused in on creating a meaningful interpretation of myself as an entity. I gradually internalized the idea that the reality that I habituated was an approximation at best, formed by my nervous system, which had been shaped by my genetics and individual experiences, operating in concert with many other people with their own approximation or this vast and infinite universe. In short, I learned that my perceptions were my reality.

Years later, I am happily married with a six month old daughter. I see in her growth the developing processes by which our world is created. I can see her forming memories and developing pattern recognition. She learns so quickly now that I can sense changes in her hourly. It is amazing. But I know that in a few years, her basic approach to the world will be largely crystallized and she will have a habitual set of perceptions. It is our intent that part of that structure includes a capacity for critical thinking and a deep sense that the world is as good as you make it. This crystalline state is inside of us. It is the skeleton of our persona. Sometimes it sets into a beautiful form, which fosters the development of rational, thoughtful living, but in my case it had formed an awkward jumble of half complete ideologies and fear.

I believe that my LSD experiences began to soften those perceptions. It allowed me to consciously participate in the reformation of my perceptual complex. It didn’t dissolve completely. I still have to remind myself of the lessons learned, but the older I get, the more it becomes automatic for me to smile and think rather than attack and run. It wasn’t an instant global change, and the intervening years were fraught with many relapses into my personal traps, but the core knowledge that I gained from the experiences always remains, gently reminding me that I don’t have to suffer unless I want to.

Finally I feel the need to state clearly that despite my positive experiences I don’t think that this drug should be freely available for anyone to use. I do believe it to be a valuable if neglected tool for gaining self knowledge and for helping heal non organic mental damage, but I have seen too many “acid causalities” in my life for me to think it harmless. I was lucky. For some reason, I had the ability to use it for growth. When it got so intense that I began to loose myself, I could always remember that I was under the influence of a drug and pull myself back from the brink. Have no doubt that the brink is real and if you go over the edge you might be able to come back in any meaningful way.

I recommend that until it becomes legal and can be administered by a trained professional, DO NOT DO LSD
But I know some will do it anyway...
When in doubt, remember this:
Never dose in response to any external pressure.
Always have a plan.
Always inform a trusted friend and have them be able to assist you if needed.
Create a safe place where you can retreat if you get freaked out.
Have many gadgets on hand to occupy your self. I never dosed without a laser pointer, a Rubik’s cube and several wind up clocks to take apart.
If you are an artist, have your medium readily accessible. Be it watercolors or drums, you will amazed what a little creative expression can do to reverse a bad trip.
Every one should have a sketch book and a voice recorder. You will find no end of insight into yourself contained in the scribbles and rants.

Finally and most difficult,:
Know what you are putting into your body. Know the dosage. Know the preparation method. Know that you can trust your source. Know everything.
If you don’t know any of this, DON’T DO IT! You have no idea what you are getting into. I trusted some to give me “opium tincture”. Instead I got Dramamine, Opium and PCP! I am lucky that I didn’t die or hurt someone since I was completely unable to control my actions, yet was full aware of what was happening.

If you don't know any of these, DO NOT DO LSD!

be careful

[Reported Dose: 'High']

Exp Year: 1995	ExpID: 66600
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jan 25, 2011	Views: 6,339
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LSD (2) : Various (28), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Depression (15), Retrospective / Summary (11)