NOT Worth It
Methamphetamine
by Leesie
Citation:   Leesie. "NOT Worth It: An Experience with Methamphetamine (exp66952)". Erowid.org. Aug 30, 2018. erowid.org/exp/66952

 
DOSE:
  repeated vaporized Methamphetamine (powder / crystals)
      2-hydroxycocaine  

BODY WEIGHT: 145 lb


I can compare my latest experience with crystal meth as nothing more than a trainwreck…of a very luxurious train with a constant party taking place throughout the ride. I’ve been on trips like this before, starting to smoke from the glass pipe and maintaining the high for several hours into the next morning or day. The first time was my ‘initiation’ into the club, and was simply a new and interesting experience. The second time was unplanned as well, beginning with smoking meth to ‘pregame’ for a party, as alcohol is not my favorite choice. That gradually led to spending the rest of the night, and early morning, and afternoon, and early evening of the next day in a stranger’s living room, pipe and butane lighter in hand. Dehydrated, sleep deprived, exhibiting mild symptoms of hypoglycemia, I was soon physically disoriented and confused. It’s the mental state one can only know from experiencing a marked deficiency in blood and oxygen to the brain. I decided to leave it alone for an indefinite period of time.

Not soon enough, however, did my next opportunity arise. The thrill of boarding this ominous train is just that, I lack a definite plan and rely on spontaneity to run the trip. That in itself is part of the fun, not to mention I get high and feel on top of the world for several hours at a time. Again, I began smoking around 9 pm Tuesday evening, and continuously added more meth in an effort to prolong and continue the peak for as long as possible. I spent about 6 uninterrupted hours cleaning my pipe with a toothpick, tissue and solvent, not once looking up at the clock or moving from my chair. This intense fascination with mechanical tasks implies just one symptom of the drug. Time flew by, hours literally passed like minutes, and before I realized how long I’d been smoking, it was already 8 pm Wednesday evening. The initial rush and exhilaration had long since ceased, but with continual supplementation of the meth, I could at least keep up the mellow, content euphoria, if not the adrenaline-like thrill.

I decided to snort some cocaine to maintain a steady high and also introduce some variety into the experience. I cannot describe the bliss that resulted from combining these two drugs. Life seemed flawless, any obstacles could be taken on, at least this was my mentality for hours to follow. When the sun came up, I decided nonchalantly to skip all my classes for the day (by now it was 8 am Thursday morning), and lit the pipe up again. Normally I would never dream of purposely missing class, especially the ones I have on Thursday, but at this point it seemed alright, it would be excused because I was not yet finished with my trip. The tv was on, my computer was on, but the only thing I could focus my eyes on was the glass bowl of the pipe in front of my face. My right thumb developed a purple callous from having constantly lighting my butane lighter. By 6 pm I decided to drink some more water, not because I felt any thirst but to reduce the dryness in my mouth and maybe feel less dizzy when standing up. As the long trip eventually approached a conclusion, I was physically and mentally aware of the impending ‘crash’ to come. In the past it has never been quite like the ton of bricks many others describe it to feel like, but rather it was more like being lowered slowly but surely into a deep hole in the ground. Once having jumped from the summit of one mountain to the next, I was now sliding down the side of a pit
Once having jumped from the summit of one mountain to the next, I was now sliding down the side of a pit
, at least this was my psychological impression of the comedown. It was finally time to sleep, which lasted for about 15 hours.

Upon waking, I felt somewhat refreshed and out from under the influence, so to speak, but most certainly a muddled version of myself before the binge. Days earlier I felt normal, and upon waking I felt like there was a dull pan of glass separating the former and latter me. Only then I came to appreciate the extent and duration of my trip, how truly fucked up I had been for days and nights on end. This is actually a relatively short binge in comparison to many other users, but personally it was the longest single trip I’d yet done, but hope not to do in the future. By the time it’s over I felt somewhat normal and ‘relieved’ but its different from before, I feel as if some piece of myself is no longer there, and just don’t know what that part is exactly. This ambiguous feeling of emptiness is not devastating, but more kind of tragic really.

I’m no moral authority and don’t preach to others, but I can honestly say that regardless of what people choose to do with themselves, meth is not worth the trouble it causes. The downfall infinitely outweighs the high.

Exp Year: 2007ExpID: 66952
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Aug 30, 2018Views: 2,024
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Methamphetamine (37) : Various (28), Addiction & Habituation (10), Retrospective / Summary (11), Combinations (3), General (1)

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