Citation: therapture. "A Reason for Living, or Dying: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (20X Extract) (exp67147)". Erowid.org. Sep 21, 2020. erowid.org/exp/67147
Well, tonight I got my wife to sit for me, for the VERY FIRST TIME EVER, of any mind trip I have taken. She typically is OK with me doing these things because I am responsible, etc., etc., but she doesn't usually want to be around me when I do them , this time, I wanted her to understand, to SEE what happens. We came home from my friend's 30th b-day party, and I had had a few drinks Pretty buzzed but in control. Knowing it would effect my trip a bit, but since I have never smoked salvia while influenced by anything else, I was ready to experiment a bit. I loaded up some music, very softly playing, some nice ambient smooth sounds from the cable channel....
I broke out my remaining 20x and loaded up about 1/15g of a good 20x extract (used before, I knew what to use). I hit it from a water bong....held for 15 seconds, then cleared the bong for my second hit...I don't remember ever handing the bong to my wife....
I became a state of ego loss. I was part of a void or something beyond this physical plane, I had no body, no physical self, just a mind or energy that simply WAS. I was hearing something like music, but it was not music in the literal sense, it was my world as I knew it, and that world was my children and my wife. The music flowed and became part of me, part of my soul, so powerful and yet so gentle, like it was guiding me. It was so smooth and felt so RIGHT. I felt I was part of something so powerful, something so beyond my meager little life, that I KNEW that my children and wife were more important than I anything I could be. I KNEW I was ready to lay down my life, my existence, for them. I was prepared to die, and I felt like it was here. I felt as if I was part of my children and wife, and that I would go on even if I died right now. The knowledge that me and my wife created life together, was so ungodly powerful, that I was immersed as a baby at birth, and was belittled before some higher form. As I started coming to the real world again, I was still entrapped with this feeling, so overwhelming, and I felt my wife's hand (I knew it was her even though I could not see her) on my shoulder....I was trying to explain myself, and all I could do was be overwhelmed with this power so much that I cried. Literally. I came awake a bit more, and felt as if something so immensely beyond me was still with me, showing me the truth of my life. I realized my children meant more to me than ANYTHING. I was literally crying, happy and amazed, befuddled, and confused, all at the same time., Words cannot express how humble I felt as compared to my children and wife. I became aware enough to tell my wife 'thank you' for being with me, for sharing with me, this experience. Even when I was pretty much aware of my real world, I asked her to come lay with me, to hug me, on the couch. I cried again and could not stop it. My ego, my sense of self importance, had been so completely shattered, that I felt like a newborn. I again thanked my wife, told her I loved her, and tried to explain how much she and our kids meant to me. I cried for another 10 minutes or so, I was so overwhelmed. The entire session from smoking to full awareness was right at 20 minutes, 5 of which I was completely out and mumbling with moving hands, so my wife says. I was left with a sense of incalculable power,that something beyond me was in control.
This was the most paradigm changing, most powerful experience, I have ever had in my life to this point. My children being born probably ties with this, but nothing else comes close. I CRIED, I was left with nothing, stripped of everything related to ego, and shown how important, how small, and how powerful we all really are.
I am still feeling an afterglow at T+3 hours, and can cry at will almost, just remembering the experience. If ANYTHING in my life qualifies as a true spiritual (religious) experience, this was It. I have no regrets, I am so glad I felt this way, and it will change me a little bit, forever.
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