DOSE:		smoked	Cannabis
	1 tablet	oral	MDMA

BODY WEIGHT:

108 lb

MDMA: A Philosophical Experience

Several friends and I decided to take ecstacy one saturday night, it was my first experience with ecstacy or anything more than smoking marijuana. We obtained three hits of double stacked 'vans' and started the long giddy ride back home, stopping at wal-mart along the way for some glowsticks, gum, and other odd toys to stimulate our senses.

I took my hit at about 11:40 on the ride home and my friends took them at about 12:00 when we arrived. It took about 40 minutes in my friends bedroom to notice that I was feeling more giddy and disconnected, the music was exceptionally better than usual and that I had an odd feeling of being happy without actually being happy.

At about 12:20 we all agreed that we could not ignore the feeling that we must move any longer so we smoked a bowl of shwag out of the bong and went into the next room. The vibe had changed to an odd feeling of comfort, affection for my friends and excitement for the night that lay ahead.

Its now 12:30 and I can definetly feel myself coming up. I had the urge to move around and explore, as well as the need to experience anything that would be 'cool to do' on ecstacy like play with water, make art, meditate and things like this. This feeling would become much more intense over the next twenty minutes.

Well its about 12:40 I think (time seemed to move much slower than usual) and we are in my friends bedroom listening to music as loud as it would go on his computer when I notice that I am experiencing the er.. 'main feeling' of the drug, if you will, meaning the feeling that lasted longest over the experience.

I will now try to describe these feelings: I felt almost disconnected from my body and mind in a state of bliss and peace, but at the same time I had never been more connected with my body and mind. I had intense feelings of love, respect, acceptance, understanding, and peace, with everything, as well as the giddy hyper feeling that I would call 'skitzing' that lasted about an hour in the beginning of the experience but I had lots of energy throughout the whole trip. So its 12:40 and we turn out the lights, break out the glowsticks and rave. Daft punk of course, as well as animal collective and the flaming lips. The music seemed to speak to my body and move it for me, I knew I looked ridiculous but we were all feeling it so it was good. My friends room felt like an autonomous nation or something, like it wasnt a part of our little town in texas in the usa. It was a great feeling. We raved to a few songs and decided to go outside for awhile.

The cool night air seemed to breathe life into my body as I stepped outside after my friends (its november) without my jacket. I felt the endless possibilities of everything coming from every direction flooding over me, I know how this sounds but its the feelings I got. So I ran around my friends backyard laughing and just loving everything, my friends were already on the roof of a shed in the backyard with a joint so I decide to stop being so antisocial and join them. I run and jump upon the roof like a big monkey or something and climb up to sit on the right side of my two friends and smoke this joint we had brought outside I try in vain to settle myself down and stop acting like I have a.d.d. And settle in on the conversation. They were talking about the weed and how it has changed us and remenisced over the last few years, I stayed in the conversation for barely four passes of the joint when my feelings of extremeness just weren't agreeing with the little nostalgic, memory, chill, thing they had going on, I jumped down saying 'I'm feeling way too extreme for this, bitches.' and ran for my friends rope swing. This rope swing was so cool, it was the first object of the night that I 'connected' with. I jumped out of the tree and felt the wind on my face and saw the stars in the sky and the world spinning around me and it triggered this feeling of understanding and acceptance with the things around me. The rope was an extension of my body and we were one. It was like I was dancing and flowing in the air beautifully creating peace and harmony with the very action of accepting this simple piece of fiber rope as an intimate part of my life even though I didnt normally realize it. This is really what I was feeling. This is how this drug made me feel. And I didnt even care how ridiculous my feelings and thoughts felt because the seemed so true and somehow, two days later, it still does! I dont even know... But I derive.

After I had let the swing stop me on its own by slowing to its stop my friends and I go inside, because I think my extremeness and jitteriness had killed the vibe they had going. Sorry guys. So we're inside and we just want to talk and listen to music. Okay, here is where this segment of the experience ends and the second part of it begins, my jittery hyper-active feelings had come under control and were replaced with feelings of wanting to hear my friends and and wanting them to be happy, and just wanting to connect to everything on an emotional, spiritual level, I also completely lose track of time. So we talked. It seems like the only things we talked about was carl jung's and our own theories on consciousness, dreams, life, the soul, and religion. Of course these subjects are all very controversial and have deep psychological and emotional ties to our conscious and unconscious minds so needless to say these conversations mixed with the complete openness, understanding, peacefulness, and love we all felt were completely life changing experiences in their own.

This is where I peak on the ecstacy and time is even more lost than before. The whole night is spent in the same spots conversing. Opening and expanding our minds more than they ever have been expanded in single sitting, indeed in almost an entire lifetime! We had many many revelations sitting there it was like a journey into myself. I could feel the energy of the universe and life flowing through me, I was one with the universe, I had come to realize exactly what we are and what all the universe and all existance was. Nothing. And everything. I had many taoist thoughts and revelations. I realized the universe is based on one law, the law of yin and yang. All the things that seemed impossibly difficult to understand or ever attain were flowing out of me like a waterfall! Things like world peace and unlocking the collective unconscious seemed as simple as just saying 'do it, people.' no, it didnt seem that way, it was that way. It really really was that way, it was the complete truth and the simplicity of it was mind blowing. I could feel different levels of my consciousness life being torn away and replaced with the truths of the universe that had been hidden away inside our minds from the start. I could feel my shadow beside me and could see different archetypes and symbolistic visions floating from my unconscious into my conscious, I felt like two people but I also felt like one. One in the sense that I, the carpet, the air in my lungs, the tiny particles floating in space and everything thats anything were one. One being, one love, one knowledge that had been stored somewhere deep within our brains that the ecstacy opened the door to. Wow.

I had only felt like this once before in my life, when I had achieved partial enlightenment and ego loss through meditation. The rest of the night I was in a shaman-like vibe, meditating and thinking all the knowledge that had been bestowed on me over. We went to bed at 6:30 I believe. Thats when the effects of the ecstacy or enlightenment or whatever it was had almost completely worn away. Now I still feel like there is something new following me everywhere I go after that experience. I will never be the same again.

Exp Year: 2007	ExpID: 67197
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jun 27, 2018	Views: 744
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