Citation: jdog. "Memory Block: An Experience with Alprazolam (Xanax) (exp67383)". Erowid.org. Feb 13, 2017. erowid.org/exp/67383
11pm - I steal two 1mg pills of Alprozolam from my mom.
11:30pm - I take both pills orally with a glass of wate r(8oz) and decide to watch some TV.
11:35pm - 'Am I already feeling something?'
1pm (next day) - I wake up thinking 'I must have fallen asleep... that sucks, what a waste.' I find my memory foggy from the day before.
11pm - I steal 2 more 1mg pills of Alporzolam from my mother, she doesn't notice.
11:30pm - I take both pills orally with a glass of water (8oz) and this time decide to read a book and wait for the pills to kick in... I was really wanting some sort of high on these pills.
1pm - I wake up, my lamp still on, in a half slump still holding my book, with my glasses on. I realize that the medicine kicks hard and I should have probably tried a little less to begin with. I'm having a lot of trouble figuring out and placing specific times of when things happened
I'm having a lot of trouble figuring out and placing specific times of when things happened
. Did I go to work yesterday? What day is it? I found a CD I burned... When did I burn this? I remember the act of burning it, but find it impossible to place exactly what time of day it was, morning, afternoon, night, I don't even remember which day I burned it.
I took a break today, no pills.
11pm - I reason with myself that I shouldn't try the pills again, that my memory was obviously affected, but I longed to feel what it felt like to have it in my system, so I go to try it again. This time I impulsively steal 2.5mg... even though 2mg put me out hard.
11:30pm - I take the pills, this time with milk.
1pm - I wake up. It seems I've failed again. This time I'm having trouble remembering what happened after swallowing the pills, what I was doing before taking them, anything. I can't even remember if I was wearing this outfit when I took them. I've grown accustomed to the memory loss and find it pleasant.
5pm - I'm having a bad day at work... I think about knocking myself out with the pills as soon as I get home.
9pm - I get 2.5mg out of the bottle, and grind them up using a receipt and a sealed can of soda. The pills crush easily into a blue fluffy pile. I cut it into 2 fat lines and realize the one of my nostrils is sealed off from allergies. I cut a straw down to 2 inches and decide to snort it all into one nostril, rather than wait for my allergies to subside. It burns badly, and stays aching for a while. I can taste it in my throat... it's absorbing slowly. I once again fall into sleep.
10am - I wake up lying on the floor of my room. It's freezing. I don't remember getting here or why it's freezing... my space heater is off. I climb into bed and quickly fall back asleep.
4pm - I'm up... trying to remember anything, but it's useless. My right nostril still stings so I swab it with a Q-tip. Some blue residue is on the Q-tip. I decide to give the pills a break, this week was nothing but a blur. I don't remember meals, conversations or anything. It feels like it's still Monday, or very early in the week. I'm confused on when TV shows are coming on. I realize I forgot to cash my check. Money from my wallet is gone. I don't remember when the last time I ate was, although I'm not hungry. I call my work and ask if I've been there everyday, they say I have. Oddly the only real memories I can place from this week are right before I go to sleep (taking the pills), and waking up the next day. If I had any real responsibilities, I would not have remembered taking care of them. It seems like I'm doing everything fine, but everything is a blur.
This was my week on benzo. I found the memory blur pleasant, although ridiculous. I started having small withdrawal like symptoms including shaking, nervousness, mumbling to myself (I've never talked to myself), being very aggravated and easily annoyed by the SMALLEST things, just generally going off on anyone who talked to me. I kept off the pills for a good week and after the week the withdrawals seemed to subside. I think I was lucky enough to stop when I did... I hear benzo withdrawal is some of the worst, and this week off of the pills was very unpleasant.
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