Citation: Kitten. "Pushed to the Limit: An Experience with Ecstasy & Cocaine (exp67477)". Erowid.org. Mar 19, 2008. erowid.org/exp/67477
While it may be that the substance described is pure MDMA, Ecstasy/Molly tablets and powders are notoriously impure, misrepresented, or adulterated. Ecstasy sold in retail contexts such as festivals or parties often contain chemicals other than MDMA.]
| T+ 4:00
| T+ 6:00
||(powder / crystals)
| T+ 6:30
It was a Friday night and myself, my boyfriend, C, and another one of our friends, R, had decided to attend a rave a few states away. About four hours prior to our drug ingestion, we each took 100 mg of 5-HTP. We arrived at the party and stayed sober for about 2 hours. I wanted to see a certain dj's set, so I asked R to find some pills for us. I was very tired already, because I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, and I also didn't have enough water to drink so I was feeling really dehydrated from dancing.
In retrospect, it was a very bad idea to take drugs in this situation. As the dj's set was ending, R came up to C & I and asked us to follow him, so we went back to a more secluded area and he gave each of us two pills. I had asked him to get one for each of us, so I began giving two of them back to him and explaining his mistake, but he said that he wanted to buy us our pills for the night since we had driven six hours to the party and spent so much money on gas.
I hardly ever take more than one pill, especially in public at a rave, and I have never taken two at a time before. I guess this is unusual because I have a lot of experience with ecstasy, but I usually don't feel the need to spend so much money on one E experience. I like just taking enough to enhance my enjoyment of a rave, I really don't like to be out of control on it. I don't roll very often so I don't have much of a tolerance and am usually fine with taking one pill, but I felt like I should indulge myself.
Anyway, after taking my pills, I separated from R & C because I saw some people I wanted to talk to. About half an hour or forty-five minutes later, I was in the middle of a sentence when I suddenly felt this huge wave of fuckedupness come over me. I felt way too overwhelmed. I excused myself, and went back to the chillout area. I didn't see R or C, so I sat down with the first person I saw who was a familiar, trusted face: my friend T. He was on three hits of LSD, and a bit out of it himself. I told him that I had taken two pills and that I was not feeling well and asked him if he could sit with me for a while.
He asked what kind of pills I took, and I told him what stamp & color they were, and he got this shocked expression and told me that I shouldn't have taken two at a time because they were so powerful. As he said that, I felt myself descending into this overpowering negative experience. A few other people came over to talk, and I felt like I wasn't really able to respond to them, so I was barely saying anything (which is really unusual for me). I laid my head down on T's shoulder because I was so freaked out and didn't want to talk to anyone.
A lot of people were asking him what was wrong with me, and it was making me really paranoid and nervous. I was also having momentary blackouts which I think was from exhaustion & dehydration, I had pushed my body to the limit. I was feeling nauseous and couldn't stand up or anything. I started hallucinating; I had little weird dream sequences, and when I opened my eyes and looked around, my vision was really weird and everything was shaking and moving around. It was like I was watching everything through a video camera and it was really shaky, and there were huge tracers on everything. I was told later that my eyes were twitching and it looked like I was having a seizure.
I was freaking out really badly. T and I were trying to have a conversation, but it was really difficult because we were both in our own headspace, and I was trying not to let on to him how fucked up I was, because I felt embarrassed at getting so out of control. I was really hoping that the uncomfortable feeling would end soon and I was trying to just ride it out without calling attention to myself or making a big deal.
Suddenly, I glimpsed my boyfriend across the room, and I tried to stand up or call out to him, but I wasn't able to. I managed to say something like 'C, I need C' to T and he went and got C for me. C sat down next to me, and was having a great time apparently. He started hugging and kissing me and telling me how much he loved me. He didn't realize what a horrendous time I was having. I told him that I didn't feel very well and he went and got me a water, which I took one sip of and set down because it felt like too much effort to drink it. I just wanted C to hold me so I would feel safe but instead he wanted to talk about our relationship and how much he cared about me, which I wasn't really in the mood for. He kept asking me what was wrong and why I wasn't happy and I felt like I couldn't make him understand. He told me I should drink water and I'd feel better, but I reached for my water and it was gone, so C bought me another one.
Soon after, he ran off somewhere, and I was alone for a while. I felt horrible, people kept walking by and staring at me, and I couldn't tell if it was because of my general appearance/outfit/etc, or because I looked soooo fucking gone, or what. It was making me intensely paranoid and I was concerned that security would kick me out for being too messed up. I kept trying to get up and would be able to stand for a few minutes but the task of finding C, R, or another trusted friend seemed sooooo impossible. The venue was really not that big but I felt like I would get lost in a maze if I tried to find them, so I kept sitting back down.
Then, my friend A, who I had barely seen all night, came and sat with me. I knew that A wouldn't judge me for being in the situation I was in, so when she asked me if I was ok I told her what was going on. I told her that I felt really tired and sick, and like I couldn't stand up, and that I thought there was some kind of psychedelic in my pill. We were talking for a while but I was having a really hard time with my short term memory and remembering what we were talking about. She told me that she had a little bit of cocaine and asked me if I thought it would help to do a bump or two. I said yes, and she escorted me to the bathroom. We went in a stall and I did 2 bumps off a key, and immediately felt sooo much better. I was able to talk much more and walking took much less effort.
I started feeling MDMA-ish and gave A a big hug, and my scalp started tingling. I felt like I was rolling instead of tripping out. We went back out to the party and I found R and C again, and told them that I was feeling way better. We all danced for a while, although I didn't have quite as much dancing energy as I usually do. R asked me if I wanted another pill, and I was enjoying myself so much at that point that I said yes. (I'm not sure why I did that, I guess I just conveniently forgot what had occured earlier).
About half an hour later, the coke wore off and the pill kicked in, and I started feeling not so good again. I stopped talking quite as much and was getting tired again, although I wasn't feeling sick any more. The party was ending and people were leaving. Pretty soon, the lights came on and there were only about fifteen people still there. Since we were from out of town, we were planning to stay at A's apartment, but there were some other people who needed a place to go as well and we were trying to figure out where we were going. It was hard for me to understand the flow of conversation so I just went and sat down on the steps and waited for everyone to figure it out.
After we left, I started feeling much better and pretty much sobered up within an hour of leaving, other than feeling kind of speedy. We took a lot more drugs that weekend but that's a story for another time, I suppose.
I found out later that the pills I took had 2-CB in them, and possibly MDA. I wish I hadn't taken so many, because I probably would have been able to handle my experience otherwise. Also, I should have listened to my body and stayed sober since I didn't have proper rest, and I should have stayed hydrated. In the future I'm going to be way more careful about how much I take, and stop trying to push my body to the limit.
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