DOSE:

2 hits

oral

LSD

(blotter / tab)

BODY WEIGHT:

225 lb

I find it hard to write about what has happened to me in the short course of about five months but I know talking about it helps so maybe writing about it will also help.

After my first bad trip I should have known not to trip again but I suppose the agony of my current delusional and panic stricken state is the price I pay for being fooled twice.

My first bad experience occurred in September 2007. I was coming home from my girlfriend's dorm up at her college writing a book about 'the perfect state' of the universe and how everything happened for a reason. I was in a philisophical mode so I decided it would be a good idea to take some strong acid that night. Granted I had had experience with mushrooms on many occasions and was an avid smoker of marijuana but I had only tried 'bunk' acid before and the only overwhelmingly strong trip I had previously was when I broke through on Salvia.

The trip started pretty nicely, as I heard most bad trips do. I was listening to music on my girlfriend's Ipod and felt pretty incredible. I am pretty sure I sat up at one point and said to my friends 'Guys this is incredible!' But slowly I started having a flashback to my experience with salvia. I felt as if somehow, the two trips were related. All of my friends started to change around me and I felt as if they were demons.

It was as if I was stuck in limbo. My one female friend seemed to embody my mother, the dark side of my yin and yang, my nurturer, and my other friend was the white side, active, impatient, exuberant. They each seemed to posses their own way of wanting to have me die in the long run. On was anxious and willing for me to run into death, the other wanted to lull me into death. Eventually they calmed me down and I was able to chain smoke myself to sleep.

I got over that trip well enough. In between this trip and the real meat of this essay I had a mushroom trip, my first bad one, in which I felt I was being lead to hell and I had to find heaven. Not so good of a trip but I also got over that one. Did I stop? Of course not.

My final trip is of the LSD variety. Once again it started wonderfully. I was watching an episode of Oprah that was on at midnight for some reason. Jerry Seinfeld's wife was on the show and sharing cooking recipes. She looked beautiful to me. Angelic almost. I looked at her and thought to myself that she would never hurt me. Hurt me? Why was I thinking about things trying to hurt me? My two male friends C and K were absent from the room when I was coming up (good friends right?) and I was losing myself in myself gradually. They came back a while later only to freak me out of my mind. C kept asking me questions about how I thought sound worked as he patted on a speaker. I could have sworn I heard sounds start to come out as he patter. K just looked weird to me but often said things that made me feel comfortable. C was the one that really personified the devil for me that night. But at the same time K looked so godawful to me.

As the night waned on through eternity I could not decide what I should do. I ran out of there house. I ran up and down the street seeking heaven. Eventually people started coming out of their homes to go to work but I thought it was all the work of the demons to make me feel rediculous in my pursuit of heaven. I eventually mustered up the courage to walk past a house with a cackling witch on it (Halloween decorations were up) and a man with a dog came out of his house. As I passed them I walked into the brightest light I have ever walked into in my life. I felt as if I had died, but it was beautiful. Everything made sense to me. I could feel beautiful and free. However my human side must have gotten scared for suddenly I was facing the other way again and looking at K. He assured me I was ok and said he was scared for me.

They eventually took me home where I sat up for a day feeling as though I was rotting like an onion (I hadn't bathed in almost four days and felt as if I was crumbling from the outside to my core). it was interesting enough that I saw two different cooking shows involving the peeling of onions while I sat in my house vibrating in fear. I tried to watch cartoons to calm myself down, I tried to watch news, anything familiar and calm, everything seemed to be sending me messages.

I ended up stayin up for a total of 96 hours. By the day after I got home my mom and grandmom decided to take me to a hospital. I could absolutely not sleep in the hospital and was given nothing along the lines of thorzine (possibly to my benefit). From the hospital I went to a rehab so I could stop doing all the drugs I had been doing previous to these bad trips. I finally got to shower and think I eventuall got to sleep.

Even though I feel I get somewhat rested to this day I still wonder if I am actually even sleeping at all. I have paranoid delusions and see a therapist weekly. I have been put on risperdal and a slow release form of it to take in the mornings named invega. I pray this has all been a bad dream that I can still wake up from. I hope I am on no perma trip into eternity. I feel as if I am getting better daily but still try to keep myself inside a lot. I feel as though for now it is a punishment that fits the crime. I tried to get outside of myself for too long and almost fully ate that proverbial 'forbidden fruit' and felt god in full. I hope something saved me and brought me back here and will eventually fully restore me. Panic attacks are one thing to be dealt with but the mentality that everything is a plot to destroy or maintain you eternally is a whole nother thing. I pray I am not choosing heaven or hell right now in writing this and if I am choosing one I hope it is heaven, even just metaphorically speaking. I thank experience reports for insight into other people's experiences who have had similar awakenings and eventually recovered.

Out of all this I am sure I will become a better man for certain. I have stopped using drugs, I go to NA when I am not too distraught, I have already quit cigarettes, and am currently in the process of finding who I need to be to make god proud. I was formerly a strict daoist but now I am leaning towards catholicism. I know it can be a bit strict but I need someone/something to be there as my saviour sometimes and who better than Christ and what better tool than his love?

LSD has taught me a lot but it has also left me somewhat empty. I hope to restore that space. LSD is not something to be toyed with.

Exp Year: 2007	ExpID: 68440
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Dec 9, 2020	Views: 735
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