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My First Panic Attack
Cannabis
by Mincan
Citation:   Mincan. "My First Panic Attack: An Experience with Cannabis (exp68692)". Erowid.org. Dec 17, 2018. erowid.org/exp/68692

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
1 hit smoked Cannabis (plant material)
  T+ 0:04 1 cig. smoked Cannabis (plant material)
  T+ 0:00 0.5 joints/cigs smoked Cannabis (plant material)

BODY WEIGHT: 80 kg


This was my second time ever trying cannabis, it was also the worst by far. It was my first bad trip and so unlike anything I had ever experienced in consciousnes. It was my first Panic Attack, either sober or drug-aggravated.

I was hanging out with my step-brother and a female friend of his. We drove quite a way to get it from a friend of hers. We went back to my brother's place to smoke it. She made a home-made bong out of a 2 litre pop bottle. My brother rolled two joints, one for me to and one to share with them. I paid for the 2 grams, so they were very liberal with giving it to me. They also thought it was great that it was only my second time. They are both chronic users.

My first experience with cannabis wasn't very exceptional. I also got drunk at the same time and so I don't really remember much about it other than being more incapacitated than usual being drunk and also that everyone's language seemed to be Chinese.

I was definitely looking forward to trying it again. I'm very impulsive baseline, and was so happy and jittery with excitement. We were all completely sober, and I hadn't been taking anything else whatsoever in those times, not even a multi-vitamin. This was the first time trying that would be completely cannabis alone.

First we all took a hit off of her bong. I didn't notice anything. I went outside to smoke my joint a couple minutes later while they waited inside for me. After finishing the joint all my myself after about 4 minutes, not inhaling too efficiently as I recall looking back, I was definitely feeling a buzz. It felt very similar to being drunk at the time as my thoughts were much slower. Time and perception of everything was slower. I had the permagrin on when I went inside to get them to smoke theirs.

They came out and immediately took a few hits off their joint and said they were good, and gave me about 1/3-1/2 of their joint to finish myself also. I heartily accepted.

I took a few big hits off that joint in about one minute and then started coughing violently, I apparently had taken good hits. I was coughing uncontrollably for about a minute. My brother asked me if I was good to drive my car back home, I said no. I was definitely in a different state of consciousness now. Everything was more meaningful, and my mind dwelt on everything a little longer. I was also ignoring a lot of stimulus and focusing on what caught my attention. This was all in addition to the extremely slow perception of everything happening I had already mentioned.

My brother got in to drive and I sat in the passenger seat, which his friend sitting on the drivers side in the backseat. This was the first extremely pleasant experience I had with cannabis. I under a seemed compulsion closed my eyes to allow my mind to think about what it wanted to. I felt the oft mentioned waves of pleasure coming at me at an almost perceptible frequency. I could 'see' the waves in my head. Soon they turned into objects zooming by my field of vision. My eyes were still closed during all of this, but it seemed like a dream. These random objects from life experiences floating around inside my head brought me great humour. I was smiling and giggling almost constantly. My brothers said 'yep, he's trippin!' they were both laughing as well as they were quite experienced users and I was obviously enjoying myself immensely.

Then it turned bad. I started to get this thought in my head that I was going to 'lose my mind'. This is the first mental thought for a panic attack. In this particular instance, I was afraid I was going to go crazy and kill my brother and his friend. At first I just tried to ignore this feeling to opt instead to feel the amazing warmth and joy experienced earlier. This didn't work, and I started getting this sinking paralyzing feeling of impending doom. All the somatic effects of a panic attack started - heart racing, blood pressure increasing, my muscles got extra blood and oxygen, and this caused me to lock my arms together very tightly and I could not move them no matter how hard I tried. My jaw locked and I started shaking. My mind existed only in a state of pure terror and dread.

My brother could sense something was wrong, and kept asking me, but I just kept shrugging it off saying nothing with a trembling stuttering voice, and imagined that I had to not talk to him at all or I would lose control of my body and it would somehow kill them both. In retrospect I often laugh about the absurdity of believing something like that could have happened. It makes a good laugh when high. I imagined somehow my staying conscious was some way to keep my mind from detaching from my body and allowing it to do crazy things. I imagined I suppose at the time this was how psychotic killers were born, on a bad trip, lost control of themselves and killed people.

My eyes were closed for much of the rest of the trip. All I remember is sensing the lights off the street lights, and the intensely painful feelings I was experiencing. I was shaking and panting, my heart pounding against my chest. I was jittering and had spasms too. I'm pretty sure it's a good thing I can't remember with much detail how it felt other than what I'm writing here.

It took us an hour and a half to get to my place from his, that time felt like hours upon hours upon eons. He tried to keep me talking throughout it, he did mention a few times that I was ruining his buzz, which made me feel worse while all this was happening. His talking to me just made it worse as at the time I believe any distraction would cause me to 'lose my mind'. By the time we got to my place about two hours after smoking it, I didn't feel at all high anymore, compared to what I had been though, coming out of a panic attack would feel different in any state I'd imagine.

This event made me not want to try cannabis again. That thought only last three weeks however, and I was back for more. It was a good thing, those next few times were my honeymoon period in which I had the best highs I'll probably ever have on cannabis. It was a stepping stone in my personal experience with the substance, and I've learned much from it since.

Exp Year: 2007ExpID: 68692
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Dec 17, 2018Views: 705
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Cannabis (1) : General (1), Difficult Experiences (5), Families (41), Guides / Sitters (39), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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