Citation: Romska. "The Love of My Life: An Experience with Heroin (exp68728)". Erowid.org. May 3, 2015. erowid.org/exp/68728
The first time I tried heroin I OD. I was hooking up with this guy who was a junkie, and previously all my friends and I had been cokehead stoners and whatnot, but I had been thinking of trying heroin since all my friends were too scared and I was a total daredevil. And when I met him that was my perfect chance.
I didn't want to shoot up because at that point I was terrified of needles, now I love them, just the though of sticking myself with a needle full of dope, pulling back, seeing my own blood flow crimson into the syringe, i can just feel the rush just thinking about it. Anyways then I just wanted to snort it, but he convinced me to shoot up my first time. I was too freaked and told him I'd do it only if he would do it for me, his reaction sort of freaked me out more, he seemed incredibly into that idea, more than any normal person should be. I still remember how he seemed to like sticking me with that needle more than he enjoyed fucking me, junkies are strange people. Anyways so I closed my eyes and told him to just do it. I felt that rush the first time, it was amazing, like my body was filling with warmth, but then it was too much, I felt dizzy, heavy, next thing I know I woke up in an ambulance with an oxygen mask over my face and someone said 'You just OD on heroin, the cops want to talk to you.'
After that I spent months lying my way out of rehab, trying to keep up my old drug habits of weed and coke, being sober was miserable for me. I hated it more than anything in the entire world, its like something just isn't right, you think too much, care too much, get over-sensitive to anything people say, and it just feels like something is missing, all you can think about is getting high, how bad you just want to get high again. There is nothing else I want more than to be high when I'm sober; I haven't been in months now so I barely even remember it but I'm scared of it, I know one day I'm going to have to quit, when I want to get pregnant and start a family. Sobriety is the scariest thought in the world though.
And now that I am addicted to heroin, not just weed and less-hard drugs, I get dope sick. Being dope sick is the worst feeling, I guess it's the catch because heroin is the best feeling I could ever feel, except maybe the rush from a speedball (heroin and coke). But when I run out and I get sick, its horrible, my body seems to forget how to regulate its temperature, I'm hot then cold, then hot with chills, and cold with sweating, my nose runs, I feel nauseous and hungry but I can't eat, dehydrated but drinking makes me want to puke even more. Then I'll get the worst headache, and if I still don't get my shot after about 12 hours it starts to hurt. I hurt all over, mostly my thighs and my shoulders and my stomach, and my head, its on the inside, I'm so weak I can barely move, but I know that if I don't get up I will never get my dope. The thought of a shot, that wonderful warming rush of pleasure and warmth and everything good, just a good feeling all over, and pure happiness and joy is what keeps me from feeling like I just want to give up and just die right there because I'm so sick.
Getting a shot after I'm sick is the best feeling of relief, sometimes its such a rush I feel like I'm going to puke, it's just too good, but its the biggest relief ever, I just lie back and feel it and sigh and know that this is what I live for and that sometimes getting sick has to be worth it because heroin is just so good. I love it more than anything I have ever loved, and it feels like it loves me back, and the pain is like being apart from the one you love, like you've been apart too long and so you hurt inside and all over, and then when you are reunited it is the most amazing relief back into the warm embrace of your love.
Now I have an amazing dealer who is always good and his dope is always good, he will even give me shots when I'm sick and have no money, he takes the best care of me. I used to shoot up 5 shots a day but because I would start getting sick after 4/5 hours I have cut back to about 3 a day, and I will do one big one that will last a while so I don't have to worry. My tolerance is pretty high, I love doing big shots, getting that big rush and then staying high and feeling good for hours all day before doing another before bed. And getting up early in the morning days when I don't have work and doing a shot then sleeping in til noon. It's the best sleep anyone could ever get.
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