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The Unavoidable Crash
Cocaine
by tellall
Citation:   tellall. "The Unavoidable Crash: An Experience with Cocaine (exp68764)". Erowid.org. Nov 15, 2019. erowid.org/exp/68764

 
DOSE:
1 g insufflated Cocaine (powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT: 175 lb


The Greatest Story Ever Told

The use of cocaine for me all started when I was 17. A co-worker of mine offered a very tiny amount to me just to try out. It was free and I was curious, why not? Realizing the small amount would have hardly any effect on me if I snorted it, I decided to just dab it on my tongue and experience the small effect. My tongue got numb and the cocaine gave me a blast of energy for work. I decided I was now ready to buy myself half a gram and see for myself the powers of cocaine.

I bought a half a gram for 25 dollars, snorted it all, and within 3 minutes my mouth/nose was numb, I lost all feeling in my teeth and I was in a great mood. The effects lasted only about a half hour tops
The effects lasted only about a half hour tops
but overall I liked what I had experienced and decided I wanted more.

After some time doing half grams, I decided to save up enough money to do a whole gram. I bought the gram, went into the bathroom and did it all. What I got wasn't quite what I expected. It was just like doing a half gram but with slightly stronger effects. After doing the entire bag and riding out that wonderful high, I then experienced my first crash....

I was at work when I did the gram (work is where I would normally do most of my cocaine intake) and after the high I was moody with customers, tired, felt worn out and just in a bad state of mind. However that wasn't enough to stop me.

Months would pass and I'd go in and out of stages using cocaine. I would go 2 months without it, then I'd do it twice a week. It all depended on whether or not the dealer could come through for me.

As time passed I realized I was becoming more and more dependent on cocaine. I started doing it outside of work with a friend and the crashes had become worse. Anxiety attacks, depression, and suicidal thoughts would fill my brain after the high. These crashes would last anywhere from 3-8 hours after just a 30 minute high.

Crashes would have me promising myself I would never do it again, praying to God for help, worrying my girlfriend is gonna leave me, and embarrassment for using the drug.

My urges for the drug have gotten so strong that I realize I have cocaine on my mind literally all day. I think of cutting up the coke, setting out the perfect lines and just putting a dollar bill to those lines and letting that beautiful high take over. The strength of my urges showed me I need to stop before it's too late.

I knew the 30 minute high wasn't worth 50 dollars along with hours of depression, anxiety, and sadness, but I didn't care. I was hooked and I needed to stop.

I decided to stop and I was clean for 2 weeks (doesn't sound so long but it felt like 2 years). After those 2 weeks I decided to do a gram while at work. A weak high came and lasted for about 10 minutes and then that brutal crash came on. I realized I should stop because it wasn't even fun anymore and it just was digging a deeper hole for me.

A little over a week later (yesterday) my dealer/co-worker/buddy calls me and asks if I wanna buy a gram. I don't even need to think before I say yes. I go, pick up the gram, do it at work and I get so yakked up. I felt talkative, friendly and just content with everything. As 45 minutes pass, I feel my high wearing away and I brace myself for the crash to come. I drink a monster and down 2 caffeine pills hoping it will keep me hyper and make it easier to ride out the crash. I'm at home now and I feel the crash coming on stronger and stronger.
I'm at home now and I feel the crash coming on stronger and stronger.
It builds up slowly and I start to feel sad, and anxious (will my girlfriend leave me, why did I do this, why am I wasting all my money). I decide I can't take it anymore and drink a half bottle of Nyquil hoping it will knock me out and I can sleep through this ordeal. The Nyquil just makes me feel sick and the crash is stronger than ever. I decide I have taken my cocaine use as far as it can go for me and I write a note to myself (while crashing) so that when I am craving it a few days from now I can look back and see just what I'm headed for. The note reads:

'I'm hoping writing this will get me off coke for good. I spent 50 bucks on a gram, I've been doing so good staying away from the shit. I get a call.....Tom asks if I want any and I say yes. I snorted up the whole gram A.S.A.P and it felt nice. Then about 45 minutes later....comes the crash. I try keeping myself up by taking in caffeine then I try to bring myself down by drinking Nyquil. I hate this shit. 45 minutes of euphoria is NOT worth over 5 hours of wanting to die. I feel terrible, there is no worse feeling in the world than this....Joe (my name) if your looking at this thinking of doing more, DON'T DO IT!!! You will crash. Fuck coke it's evil and it sucks. I'm gonna end up losing a lot if I keep it up. God please help me. I always vow to quit when I'm crashing, then a few days later I don't care about it anymore. So hopefully now that it's in writing I can keep this going. This feeling is so depressing. I wonder when I'm gonna stop. No matter how hard your craving Joe, don't do it. God I need your help. I can't do this on my own. Please help me. I fell again, please don't give up on me. Just stick with me and help me thru this.
It's not worth it
It's not worth it
It's not worth it
It's not worth it
It's not worth it

Say NO! Stop before it's too late. Quit digging a hole'

I look back on that note a day later to see the hell I was going through just a day before. Coke will do that to me. I gave in again, and I find myself starting my quitting process for about the 3rd time. Let's hope I stay strong and when feeling the urge, I can look back on the note I wrote to myself and see the unavoidable crash.

Exp Year: 2008ExpID: 68764
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 17 
Published: Nov 15, 2019Views: 1,665
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Cocaine (13) : Workplace (51), Hangover / Days After (46), Addiction & Habituation (10), Retrospective / Summary (11)

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